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SD15 passive aggressive disrespect.

stepmom2011's picture

Submitted by stepmom2011 on Mon, 09/02/2013 - 9:39pm

Around our house we have four wedding pictures. Two in the office and two in our bedroom. SD15 plays on the computer in the office. I have been re-organizing the whole house and the office is almost done except for a few boxes in the middle of the floor. I went into the office to get something and noticed the wedding pictures laid face down. One on the desk and one on the bookshelves! I turned them back up. I also have a wedding picture of DH and his late wife on the same shelf. I wanted her memory respected. That picture was left alone.

Talked with DH about it. He said he would discuss it with SD15 and remind her that she can do what she wants in her own room, but that the rest of the house is not her territory. I have been claiming my role as Queen and using my power appropriately. I have cleaned, reorganized and purged this house of way too much junk. SD15 is still giving attitude and I feel a confrontation coming on. This is why:

In the office, there isn't a keyboard. It was broken (yes, by SD15... she breaks everything!) So I got an awesome keyboard that is flexible plastic and rolls up! It is awesome! I went to go put it in the office when DH and I got home from shopping and SD15 was in there. I said, "Look!" all excited. She didn't look. she turned her chair and back to me lifting that chin of hers. Now, I could have left the room because I am afraid of her still, but I am fighting my fears so I sat my butt down on the floor and waited my turn. She huffed and grabbed her keyboard and STOMPED out of the room! It took everything inside me not to laugh! She thinks she's hurting my feelings by depriving me of her presence! LMAO! But I didn't laugh because she left me two plates, two bowls, two glasses all gross, wrappers, and garbage ALL OVER THE FLIPPING OFFICE I JUST ORGANIZED!

She complained to daddy and he told her "Don't complain, it's her house and she can do what she wants. To me, daughter, it sounds like she was considerate by waiting for you to be finished! SD15 cried UNFAIR!

I am facing my fears. If she does ANYTHING... she is getting arrested for the third time. I really do want cameras. I wish DH wasn't so set against it. I am not the type of wife to go behind his back. But SD15 twists reality so much that I hardly recognize it!

So I am safe for now. Thank you for listening.

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 09/02/2013 - 9:54pm

"I have been claiming my role as Queen and using my power appropriately. I have cleaned, reorganized and purged this house of way too much junk. SD15 is still giving attitude and I feel a confrontation coming on."

I think DH needs to talk to SD and get to the root of the issue. The reality is that you represent the fact that her mom will never be coming back. The teen years are hard for everyone and that can definitely be said for girls who've lost their moms (and any teen who's lost a parent). The fact that Dad/Mom is deceased is a hard reality for any kid to swallow and I'm sure it's compounded when the living parent remarries.

Dh really ought to discuss these things with SD and really listen to what she has to say (and she may well say a lot of unpleasant things about you). He needs to tell her that she doesn't have to love or like you but must show you basic respect as an adult. She may well need counseling too, and it may help her if dh found a support group for kids with deceased parents in your area.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Mon, 09/02/2013 - 10:00pm

But most of it is the girl's personality disorder which may not be fixable. I've know several women whose mother died and they loved and respected their stepmothers very much - even when we were teens.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 09/02/2013 - 10:05pm

If she's got a personality disorder, then maybe she needs therapy and meds for that...they won't eliminate the disorder but they will really help improve her life. There are so many articles on the web about personality disorders and the treatments those who have them can receive. Hopefully her father will look into that for her.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Tue, 09/03/2013 - 10:14pm

This!!!

That is exactly my OH's issue. I have offered the camera option. He says NO - that would be invading their privacy - I say NO it will be showing WHERE the problems are and prove that I am not making shit up about your daughter!

He does not want to see that.

OP - keep it up, you are doing great, under very difficult circumstances. And he does seem to be supporting you.