I have wanted to scream this from the mountaintops for years.

Each parent seems to act surprised each time SD17 pulls yet another stunt. This has been going on for 4 years now. Each time, I tell DH, better get it in check, it will only get worse.

Each new instance either is worse, or just as aggravating. I don't know what aggravates me more, her actions, or her parent's lack of action. Both are just as guilty for armchair parenting.

The FIRST time you knew she was sneaking boys in and having sex with them, I told you that you needed to have better controls on who she talks to, her mindset on relationships and men, better ways to handle the pressures of teen sex and life in general. You talked to her for less than one day, and because the subject was too uncomfortable for you, you let it go. That was at age 14.

Over the last 3 years, either her mother or you have found that she's sneaking boys, skipping school to have sex with her boyfriend(s), found multiple pregnancy tests, even pulled up while it looked like she was doing something "to" her boyfriend on the side of her house.

Did anyone discuss her behavior with her? Her BM probably yelled, called her a slut, but out and out refused to take her to get birth control - because after all, that would condone her to have sex and everything is ok.

Over the last 3 years, BM especially has found lighters, notes, etc., and we have seen pictures or references to her smoking pot. Discussion about it? Nope, just, drugs are bad, mmmkay? For months DH literally looked dumbfounded that his precious daughter "used" to be allergic to smoke.

Over the last 3 years, SD17 has found any and all ways to manipulate parent against parent, divulging only what she thinks they need to know to get what they want. Repercussions? Nope. Punishment? Nope. Phone taken away? Never.

I cautioned time after time that these behaviors will only get worse as she sees no consequences for being a lying, manipulating little girl.

Since her mom chooses to work all the time, she is left alone most of the time. Nothing worse than a latch-key child at home alone, who, out of boredom, will do just about anything. The BM, especially doesn't take an active role with her, not at least one that most normal parents would assume. You work late, you either ignore her or just take her shopping, you leave for a month to Puerto Rico and leave both kids behind to their own devices and just a few dollars for groceries.

I think, was I just lucky to have a single mom that made sure that not only I knew how much I was loved, but that also she was watching me at every turn - so that I didn't do the wrong thing? I still got in my share of teen trouble, but nothing like this. I don't care if it's 20 years later, I see other kids that both my s-kids know that aren't anything like how SD17 has been.

...I have no sympathy for the parents right now, as horrible as it sounds. Your lack of action, your lack of actual parenting caused this. If you had more of an active role in her emotional development, not just providing a roof over her head or the "cool" parent that gives her money at every turn, you would more than likely have an entirely different child.

You claim that she's the stubborn one and you wouldn't have been able to influence her differently. You are the adult, she is the child. You have more power than you think. SS18 couldn't be any more polar opposite. Responsible, respectful, hangs around good friends, and actually puts his foot down with his sister, saying he's not going to be responsible for her - he's not the parent (trying to force both BM/DH's hand at doing something about her).

So, when the call came this morning from BM to DH, saying that she reported SD17 missing, I just shook my head. SD17 called DH last night at 1130pm, saying "mom won't pick me up, can you come get me". DH stood his ground, and said while you are with your mom it's her responsibility to ensure you get home, I can't pick you up and be taxi every time your mom has an excuse she can't come get you.

Not shocking to me, SD17 was somewhere where she wasn't supposed to be, had no permission to go there, and her mom seemed to think that it would be a good lesson to tell her "you got there, now figure your way out home". Not actually the smartest thing to do to a spoiled teen who blames everyone else but herself for her circumstances.

She stayed where she was at.

So, rather than her mom going to look for her, call BM to get phone numbers, anything, she reported her missing at 3am.

I would have, as the BM, picked her sorry ass up and made all efforts to ground her ass for awhile. Her phone would be gone. Internet, gone. Can't make too many plans that way, now, can you?

DH again, dumbfounded, mentions her mom finding the lighters and pregnancy test. I tell him, well, considering the people she hangs out with, I'm sure not why you are surprised. Her on-again off-again boyfriend posts pictures of his pot stash and him smoking all the time. Her friends brag about it. Your own daughter posts comments to her friends about bringing money for pot.

"Oh, I don't look at her friends stuff."

Well, DH, I would want to know who my child is hanging around. Seems you wouldn't have known that she has a tattoo that she wasn't supposed to have, that she was posting risque pictures of her and her bf on the internet, that you still don't know that she's on other websites posing as an older woman, you want me to keep going here? You wouldn't have known ANY of that if I didn't care enough to check on her... I don't do it trying to find out dirt on her, I actually do it hoping to circumvent her really putting herself in a situation, or worse, and no one having a clue what to do about it. Her own mother doesn't do this.

"I'm putting my foot down, telling her I'm not giving her any more money that is going to go for drugs." Really, DH? That's all you're going to say? I tell him, you know she will lie and tell you "no, daddy, I won't use this $20 for drugs, I promiiiiiiise." I tell him that he needs to get a handle on her lying and manipulating.

"The drugs are bad enough, the other stuff is whatever. She's almost 18." ...and years ago, she was almost 15, almost 16, she's not a kid anymore, blah, blah blah. Funny, our parents managed to get a handle on us pretty young because they wouldn't put up with the bullsh*t and wanted to make sure we turned out as decent human beings. Out of anything, I would be most proud as a parent that I raised a child who embodied integrity and respect (for themselves).

...and you wonder why the issues repeat.

I (expletive) told you so.