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update on ~ mooch ~ part deux

step to grown children's picture

Submitted by step to grown c... on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 7:16am

Last night I got to read SS's text to my DH. Turns out MIL (SS's grandma) has been trying to get SS to move in w them so he can save what he is currently paying on electric and internet while staying at our house. 

Why do GP continue to enable grandchildren to the point where there they have absolutely no responsibilities?

This woman did the same thing with the oldest SD, she was out of control at 16/17 coming in at 5 AM drinking, staying at boyfriend's, couldn't pass the state high school exam...my DH wrote a simple contract. Basic rules like curfew, etc. Well, she went crying to GM and GM took her in. 

As a mother, I would have sent her back to her dad's house.

I think my DH needs to talk to his mom about her meddling but I really dont think he would.

Comments

thiscantbenormal's picture

Submitted by thiscantbenormal on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 8:16am

I approached MIL once about her undermining DH with SS who has major behavior issues.  She said seeing DH give him verbal correction (stern voice, nothing inappropriate) was like watching DH physically beat SS.  One time at MIL's SS brushed his food crumbs into her floor when asked to clean up his spot at the table.  I told him. "That's not okay", MIL responded oh it's fine.  I brought this incident up during my confrontation with her and asked why it was okay for a 13 year old to dump food in her floor and she said it wasn't but she has this knee jerk reaction to "protect" him.  Not sure how letting him know disrespectful behavior is permissible is protecting him.  My SS is Dr jekyl/Mr Hyde in the manipulation department and she is a sucker for his pout lip act.  But she also recognizes he needs inpatient or residential psychological treatment.  DH won't stand up to his mom but she can get bent if she thinks I will allow this with my daughter.

 

 

step to grown children's picture

Submitted by step to grown c... on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 9:24am

I responded below sorry I hit the wrong thread but yes sooo true!!!

MIL often reminds DH how much better his kids are doing than when he was their age!!!

Really???

She makes me wanna puke

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 8:56am

I dont know why some GP's do this! If it were me, I would cut my parents out of my life.

I would make it clear that they are enabling a destructive life style and that as an actual parent who believes in personal responsibility, I refuse to sit back and WATCH them destroy MY kid's future. I would make it clear that they aren't helping but hurting. I would hand them articles and books on the damaging behavior and give them a number to a psychiatrist to help them understand why they are doing what they are doing and why it is wrong. Then I would seriously cut them out. They can meet me at the counselor's office if they come to their senses.

step to grown children's picture

Submitted by step to grown c... on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 9:00am

They live down the road from their house. We are 500 miles away but the grandchildren are still there smh

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 1:34pm

Great, it will make cutting ties even easier. Hell, I might even tell the semi-adult how disgusting his behavior is and moving in with grandma instead of a couple of hundred a month for rent is disturbing! 

Tell them both that they can live happily ever after in their codependent crap show. They can call you when they decide to all grow up.

step to grown children's picture

Submitted by step to grown c... on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 2:26pm

Love it

I'm trying not piss them all off 

Lol

step to grown children's picture

Submitted by step to grown c... on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 8:58am

Thank you so much for your feedback

I'm exhausted and divorce has crossed my mind

I love my DH so much but I cant be nor do i want to be or feel like I'm the cause of his family issue. Seems like I get blamed for all decisions he makes. 

I think in the past as a single dad  MIL made all the decisions and ran his household since I came along he had me to talk about parenting and things he wanted to do etc and I supported him so he felt stronger to voice his authority  so everyone automatically assumed it was me

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 9:02am

Sounds like this happens because your DH is a bit of a Mama's Boy, and won't stand up to his mother.  You probably did help him find some voice, which to MIL is a bad thing because she loses control over him.  This is why being with a Mama's Boy is so frustrating, but all you can do is let him handle his son and mother and keep yourself away from it.

It's way for her to have control over everything, to the skids' detriment. But once they are adults, I suppose DH can't do much about their or her choices.

step to grown children's picture

Submitted by step to grown c... on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 9:22am

You hit the nail on the head lol

MIL had her hands even in DHs bank accounts. DH doing better once he moved and slowly started cutting ties. He knows he is a mamas boy... raised by mom and grandma, always given so much loved and bailed out of all of his problems too.

He didnt want that for his son but he cant stand up to mom. He thinks it's a waste of time and effort talking to her. She will do what she wants 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 07/21/2019 - 9:30am

At this point, he's right - he should have done it 30 years ago before he had kids, or when they were young.