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to go or not to go?

SteelRose's picture

So this coming weekend DH's niece has a birthday party we are invited to. It's only a couple hours away and I have never been to their place in the 4.5 years I have been with dh. They are in big money and live in the "hamptons", we live in a modular home on an acre in the country and have mostly all second hand stuff, with dogs and boys and nothings nice and lovely in my home. Anyhow, so here is what I'm writing for, bs15 is not with his dad next weekend so he's invited to go along but he does not want to go. So now he's going to stay here at home for 8 hours alone and I feel bad going with dh and ss over to their family event. Bs18 would not hesitate to go just for the food and fun but bs15 is an introvert and does not like uppety people. I don't either but I'd go to be by my husband's side, not go to see all his brother has and we don't have. It's embarrassing to have them over here (once) b/c we have so little.

I think I picked the wrong brother. lol Second time this has happened, my xh's older brother was a lot more personable and loving then xh ever was to me. lol Go figure. But bil is sortof an asshole and thinks he's all that.

Comments

oldone's picture

Please don't assume that all successful people are uppity and are looking down at you for having less.

I live in a tiny condo. Some of my friends and relatives live in mansions (literally) and have multiple estates around the world.

I used to feel like you do but then I realized that we are not defined by what we have. If someone wants to feel "better than me" because they have more - well let them. They are not people whose opinion counts.

I also have friends who have very, very little. I like them for who they are. I have a couple of cousins who are truly in poverty. They are welcome to visit me. They have had some issues with drugs (too many) but at heart are really sweet guys who have never stolen or asked for money.

Please don't be embarrassed because of having less. Go with a big smile on your face and enjoy the day. Possessions are just that - possessions. Being a kind, decent person with a friendly attitude is way more important.

SteelRose's picture

Thanks ladies, I did tell bs15 there will be lots of food, BBQd ribs, smoked pulled pork and lots of potato salad and so much more, all his favs! DH's brother has one of those EGG smokers and makes that yummy smoked pulled pork for all family occasions. You're right oldone, I should not judge, they have never been anything but friendly when we've been at family functions. Weirdly enough of DH's entire family ss16 is the only one I cannot stand. All the others are so friendly. I wish he'd gotten more of their genes instead of BM's genes. lol

Interesting what you said oldone, I find that I simply don't look down on people who have less or are even homeless. I was there once after xh kicked me out, I was homeless and penniless. I hit rock bottom and had to "claw" my way back up. I will never kick a person who is down again. I also raised a disabled daughter and will never judge a mom who is struggling with a child or teen who has behavioral issues in public. I had that so often in stores when my daughter would have her episode and I was stuck with her in a store, to stay and let her wear down or leave? Once I chose to stay and it was in Walmart, daughter was having a crying melt down and my boys were playing under the women's clothing racks. A senior lady and her daughter stopped and said to me I was not worthy of being a mom and I should have CPS called on me. I burst into tears and luckily my parents were not far away and heard it all and my mom set that old lady straight. Talk about being judged. She did not see how stressful it was for my daughter who was light and sound sensitive to be at walmart, but we went b/c you cannot stay home all the time, she did not see my boys were hiding b/c they were embarrassed...

Anyways, I think I will go for the fun, food and company! Thanks ladies.