Ok, I like pretty much everyone else on this site, have a step something I can't stand.

My pain in the ass is a 13 year old man child.

To say we detest each other is an understatement. I didn't start out with this opinion, gave him a fair chance to not be a jackass, forgave him multiple times when he was and finally have tossed in the towel because it is clear this kid has zero intention of every having a relationship with me.

The factors: Disney dad and deadbeat mom. Along with the fact this kid was never held accountable for anything in his life. Never grew up with consequences for his actions. Was given everything. No boundaries. Never learned respect, consideration, kindness... pretty much has no redeeming qualities what so ever. No, I am not being mean: ask anyone who has ever been around him (except mommy and daddy). Even the kids own grandmothers think he is a jackass.

Over the past 3-4 years his dislike of me has really ramped up. He has gone from just disrespect to blatant insults, threats, mocking me and even trying to intimidate me verbally and physically. The physically part has died down because I told both DH and the little asshole I will call the cops on him and I will make sure he spends some time in Juvie. So for now, that's working for me.

I refuse to talk to this kid. I refuse to do anything for him. I will only pick him up/drop him off from school/football if there is thunder and lightening. Otherwise, you can walk the less than a quarter mile home. I stopped doing this when I was on a conference call and he walked into my office and announced "well, you best be taking me to football practice now" and proceeded to be a dick to me when I said "I can't, you need to walk this time".. he told me "I have to take him or his dad will get mad at me"... really? Uh no. I am nobody's bitch, son.

I don't serve him dinner. He can get it himself. I simply do not care if he eats. I stopped caring about this when he came back from his moms piddly "3 hours every other week" visit.. she was supposed to feed him dinner and she didn't. So he gets home at 8:30 and is hungry. I didn't cook that night - no kids and I didn't feel like it, so we had left overs. That wasn't good enough for jackass. He insulted the two choices I offered to reheat for him and proceeded to make fun of me when I said "that wasn't nice."
So, no more serving your ass anything.

I only speak to him when he crosses my boundaries. Like leaving empty food or beverage containers on the floor in front of the TV, or making the dog bark while I'm on the phone with a client (something I will say "hey, on phone, keep it down please") - but he does it anyways or starts a fight with his brother.. anything he does that affects me, I will speak up about.

Now the ridiculousness of it all.. I am perfectly fine disengaged from this future resident of one of our prisons. Do not want much of anything to do with him.

Dh isn't ok with this. It bothers him. And of course, who is to blame..? Not the main root cause of this mess.. oh no. Not his boy. He's a "good kid who is hurting"... bullshit. He isn't a good kid at all. He is an asshole who wants nothing more than to break up our home and cause me pain and suffering. This kid treats everyone like crap. His mom. His dad. Pretty much all family members have had an issue with him. And somehow he isn't the problem. WTF?

DH tells me I need to just be nice to him. Ask him about his day. Ask him about football. Ask him about school, grades, tests... No thanks. He doesn't want to talk to me about any of this and I am not begging this brat to converse with me. I have tried to be nice in the past and he took advantage of it and manipulated the situation on several occasions. Twice I tried to say "hey, lets go get ice cream" at this self serve place.. both times were in the last 8 months and both times I said "ok, please don't go overboard" (the kid is FAT and has no self control with sweets and is also GREEDY).. what does he do? Grabs the largest tub and over fills the damn thing.. claims he "couldn't stop it from coming out" both times. I ended up paying 8 bucks for a damn cup of ice cream! Sure, those are minor things.. but there are plenty more where that came from.. plenty instances where I have been nice to him, tried to engage him in things and all I get is nastiness and refusal to just cooperate and try to be amicable.

Bottom line is the kid will screw me over any chance he gets. My cell phone rings and he sees the caller ID is a man.. he reports it to DH like I've committed a crime. I talk to a neighbor out front and it happens to be a male.. guess who tells his dad I was flirting with the neighbor?

He knows exactly what he is doing. He knows he is dividing our home with his bullshit. He knows DH is on the fence and will more than likely take his side and push me out/blame me for any conflict.

I am, however, standing my ground. No way in hell am I changing my approach with this kid. I don't owe him shit. If anything, he owes me respect because I am his dads wife and because I am an adult. No respect = no interaction. No interaction = no problems for me. I am protecting myself from this kid and his abuse.

Advice? Please feel free to give it. Questions? Please feel free to ask them.