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Anyone else ever thought this "What am I getting out of this marriage?"

stayedtoolong's picture

Submitted by stayedtoolong on Tue, 10/14/2014 - 2:23pm

So, things have not exactly been the Brady Bunch for me.. it's more like the Manson Family with all the nut cases I'm dealing with..

The other day I was like "what the hell am I doing?"... because seriously, I am getting nothing pleasant out of this marriage anymore.

DH is such a waffler with regards to his kids, I've nicknamed him "Eggo".. One day he gets that they are entitled brats and that one of them is hell bent on making my life a living hell.. the next day it's all my fault because I'm not "killing them with kindness"..
He parents with inconsistency and idle threats and when I even try to remind him of the rules and boundaries, I'm accused of "picking"... oh, so yesterday SS13 got grounded for calling his brother a "douchebag faggot".. but today it's ok because I apparently don't understand that boys fight and call each other names. And I'm picking because I say WTF - why aren't you grounding him again for this?

I know.. I'm crazy and what the hell was I thinking, right?

BM is a total waste. Only sees her kids every other weekend and pays very little child support.. not even enough to pay for a weeks worth of groceries. She is useless.

Oh and the SK's.. think of every negative quality a person can have and that's them. I have never met such entitled, rude, obnoxious, loud, inconsiderate, selfish brats in my life. One of them is going to spend most of his life in prison, I'm sure of it. They treat everyone like they owe them something.. and have no problems talking to people like they are pieces of shit. Even their own parents, grandparents..

Since BM doesn't pay enough in child support and DH doesn't make enough to support these brats and their needs.. guess who picks up the slack? Yea.. me. I am expected to do it and when I get pissed and say something about it, oh he doesn't hesitate to give me the guilt trip and try to make me feel like a piece of shit for not wanting to support these kids who treat me like garbage.

My daughter and I would be doing so much better if I wasn't married to him. I would have so much less stress and not have to hide in my bedroom most nights just so I don't have to be around them.. I literally can't watch TV in my own living room because these assholes take it over every night.. and if I happen to try to get there first and "claim" the TV.. they come in the room with their ipads and play games on them and talk loudly to each other.. I have to tell them to shut up or keep it down so many times that it completely ruins it for me. So I just go upstairs to avoid it.

So, yes.. I have reevaluated my life and come to the conclusion this is not what I signed up for and it's definitely not something I need.

Comments

stayedtoolong's picture

Submitted by stayedtoolong on Tue, 10/14/2014 - 2:45pm

Boy do I know.. I am so fed up. I feel totally used and abused in this "relationship"... Why should I have to pick up the slack for these kids? I mean, it would totally be one thing if DH was amazing and the kids were tolerable, I would probably not care that BM is a waste and I'm picking up her slack.. but that is not the case. And he's not making enough to take care of them either! I go without so much.. and for what? To be treated like dirt, misunderstood and made to feel like a damn monster because I have boundaries and rules.. and those dreaded things called "feelings"..

I know I need out and am trying to do it with as little drama as possible. This sucks and I'm so mad at myself for getting into this.. I "believed" this could work. Reality is, it doesn't work for anyone.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Tue, 10/14/2014 - 3:17pm

So divorce him.

Sounds like you've already figured out it'll be better for you and your child if you do.

Sports Fan's picture

Submitted by Sports Fan on Tue, 10/14/2014 - 3:23pm

I am feeling this way more and more every day. I really don't know if a day of happiness here or there is worth all this life brings. For me it will be 10 more years until the youngest ages out of child support. In theory, that would mean less contact with BM and all her crazy, but skid crazy would still continue.

Sometimes I think we have to decide what is best for ourselves. Love isn't enough.

stepinafrica's picture

Submitted by stepinafrica on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 5:13pm

Take control of your finances. Seriously. If you left your DH today do you know what would happen? He would figure it out. So let him figure it out now.

Gradually start keeping a little more and more of your money to yourself. Put it aside for your future. Open a savings account. Take out a life insurance for YOUR kids. Get a better retirement package.

stayedtoolong's picture

Submitted by stayedtoolong on Thu, 10/16/2014 - 8:09pm

Thanks ladies.. I have already began my secret fund to escape this nightmare.

Counseling won't work when the other person in this house isn't committed to working his ass off and doing his part to make things better. I can't do it all and I refuse to.

DH is lazy and inconsistent as hell. He would rather sit on his ass and get told no, talked back to, laughed at and disrespected than get up and bust his kids asses and enforce whatever rule or boundary they crossed... and they know it. So, he isn't changing that and I refuse to sit by and allow myself to be driven half nuts by the wrongness of this bullshit and I also refuse to allow my daughter to see this behavior.

And the finances.. OH MY EFFING GOD.. this drives me nuts! I have literally had DH toss in my face that he made more than me 2 years ago... well, you dumb ass, you SHOULD make more than me because you have 2 teenage boys full time to support on YOUR OWN.. freaking idiot. BM pays next to nothing and gives nothing to extra curricular activities, school supplies/clothes, etc... it's all on us.

I, on the other hand, have my daughter 50% of the time, get a nice chunk of CS and have a pretty decent salary.. and less bills..

Oh, but DH knows he can't support his two brats on his own and thinks I should pick up the slack.. no thanks. Especially when they act the way they do and he acts the way he does. If DH thinks I'm "picking" - his definition of picking is reminding SS13 for the 100th time to pick up his freaking Gatorade bottle off the floor and not just toss it there and walk away when he's done watching TV.. (yes, he tosses it on the floor when he's finished with it)... Like I should pick it up? Or when SS16 leaves the blanket he uses when he watches TV on the floor - he will get up, let it fall to the floor and leave it there and go to school or wherever else.. usually next to his pop tart wrapper and Gatorade bottle.. I mean, WTF? It's every damn day I have to tell them this.. and that's picking on his kids? Give me a damn break...

This is miserable.. used, unappreciated and disrespected.. not the life I need or want.