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To all step moms out there..

stayedtoolong's picture

I used to be on this site constantly and due to some circumstances that life tossed me, haven't been on it in almost 6 months.

I can honestly say that this site has done so much good for my sanity. I didn't feel so alone in my struggles and got support from people going through the same hell as I was.

In the past week, I have had a string of interactions with people who are also step moms and to hear them say the things I am thinking on one hand makes me feel good and on the other hand it makes me want to cry.

I met with a client last week who was not quite her usual upbeat self. Over the course of me handling her account I have really gotten to like her and think very highly of her as a person and a friend (in a way). She sighed and said "oh, I'm a dreaded step mom and am having some issues at home"... instantly I felt her pain and told her I too am a "dreaded step mom".. we chatted for a while about the struggles and it was like looking in a mirror.. the more we talked the more pissed I got at these freaking worthless DH's..

It sucks.. I am a good woman and give everything to my home. Same with my client. Work our asses off for what? To give to people who take us for granted and give us zero authority in our own freaking home? A home that WE pay for. A home that WE clean. A home that WE helped furnish.. need I say more?

Ugh.. then later that week my DH wants to go out to dinner with some of his ex coworkers.. something I pretty much dread. So, I went and the men hung out at one end of the table and the women the other.. The more the women drank, the more they vented about their situations.. geee.. all 3 of us were STEP MOMS! And all 3 of us hated our situations because of worthless ex wives, shitty Disney dads and entitled little brats that have no respect or appreciation for anyone or anything people do for them.

Is this a freaking epidemic? What the Hell? This is complete bullshit and I'm sick of being society's little whipping boy.

Step moms are human beings. Human beings that are essentially tossed into a war zone and expected to make peace, be the bigger person and kill people with love and kindness all while being treated like absolute shit. Seriously? Who can do this? Who can be served a giant shit sandwich every day and be expected to eat it and smile?

Not me. Not any of the women I spoke to last week. All of us have one foot out the door. All of us have said to our DH's "I do not owe you or them anything. If you do not support me in this home and treat me like the lady of the house and as a wife you love and respect, why on earth should I stay? I am not these kids mother. I don't owe it to them to work things out with you. If they treat me like shit and you do as well, what am I getting out of this relationship besides grief?"

These men aren't going to change, ladies, and their kids will make your life a living hell with this messed up dynamic. I read the proof on this site for a long time and now I am hearing the stories from people face to face.. it's sad and unfortunately not changing anytime soon.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

tossed into a war zone and expected to make peace, be the bigger person and kill people with love and kindness all while being treated like absolute shit

Man, if THAT don't sum it up right there...

mommy0104's picture

I am so happy I found this site..i do not have any step mom friends Sad I'm surrounded by people who either don't have blended families or don't have kids period...or the DH's family who thinks my step kids are a godsend! It's been so stress relieving to know I'm not the only one out there who doesn't care (or some who even hate) their step kids and either the BM or BD...and I think it is an epidemic with one disney parent or one deadbeat parent..in my case the BM is the disney mom so the step kids think that they need their love bought..since my husband won't buy it (good for him) they treat him like he's a nobody..sometimes i wish the BM was worthless or out of the picture so these step kids could have been raised without a snotty attitude. The part where I blame my DH is the fact that he lets it happen...he says "why say anything they won't listen" and looks the other way..I wish he'd tell them that if they can't love him for him, then hit the road! It is an epidemic i'm afraid!

HadEnoughx5's picture

Human beings that are essentially tossed into a war zone and expected to make peace, be the bigger person and kill people with love and kindness all while being treated like absolute shit.

I totally get this and another piece to that is that we are the "silent scape goat". BM has been allowed to trash me all over the court room and I have sat there in silence. Never been asked for my view of things. Thank God not all Judges bought her sob story.

Who can be served a giant shit sandwich every day and be expected to eat it and smile?
^^^and THIS^^^

I've been basically told by DH this exact thing.

Anon2009's picture

Many of these dhs don't know how to parent. I think the kids' behaviors are symptoms of the bad parenting they receive and the tension between bm and dh. So many of these bms and dhs are negligent, over-indulging, lazy parents.