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SD is driving us apart

ssandberg's picture

Submitted by ssandberg on Thu, 03/15/2007 - 4:43pm

My step daughter is my problem. She is 19, has a 6 month old daughter (father unknown), can't hold a job, doesn't want to work, wants Daddy to support her and granddaughter. She writes letters to her mother (in prison for meth) and tells her what a bi*** I am, then leaves letters on the table to be seen by all. Her mother and BF kicked her out while she was pregnant, we took her in with conditions (work, pay Hot check fines, do court ordered community service, etc.)....She had baby, stayed 4 weeks, went back to East Texas and did drugs until she had to call Daddy AGAIN for help. Under conditions, we let her come home again. After three weeks of laying around, lies about work (and everything else) I'd had enough and found an apartment, told Dad it was her or me. He rented it and moved her in that weekend. Still too many problems to mentions, but Dad continues to believe she is doing better. Now she has decided that she is bi=polar (like BM whose in jail). I can't see this marriage worknig when he continues to defend her and thinks I'm the bad guy!!!

Help, please advise.......

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glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Thu, 03/15/2007 - 5:42pm

Hi, I have a SD too that tried and failed to drive DH and I apart. Does he really think that you're the bad guy or does he have a lot of guilt about the divorce, BM, etc? At least, he moved her out and that does say something. I finally asked my DH, how can you stand being married to someone (meaning me) who you think treats your daughter so badly? What kind of a person do you think I am? That made him re think and re evaluate. My SD didn't have the baby or the problems with the law. However, her BM is bipolar and she's her mama's daughter! If these fathers could just understand that they are not helping their daughters they're just enabling them. MY SD has finally moved out and my DH's blinders are off finally. But it took a lot of convincing and standing my ground. My heart is out to you. Glynne

ssandberg's picture

Submitted by ssandberg on Thu, 03/15/2007 - 6:34pm

The divorce was too far back (daughter was only 16 months old when mother abandoned kids). Maybe the guilt comes from how he raised her. He does EVERYTHING for his children and yes, enabling is a really good word for this situation. Somedays Dad's blinders are off and he sees her as she really is....but the bi-polar thing will keep him feeling sorry for her...AND enabling her....
I think I will try out your question about what kind of person he thinks I am? and how can he stand being married to someone who treats her so badly....sounds like an eye-opener......thanks so much for the support.......

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Thu, 03/15/2007 - 6:43pm

Well, guilt can last a lonnnng time. My DH and BM divorced over 22 years ago - SD was 2 and he's still feeling guilty! We were at the store the other day and a mother came unglued at the register clerk and stormed out of the store with her young (5 or 6 YO) daughter in tow. The mother left all of the Easter goodies with the clerk- the clerk was just doublechecking prices! Her daughter was in tears - it was very sad. My DH looked at me and said that this is why he asks if I can try to give SD another chance at friendship. SIGH. I am having her over for Easter brunch - and we'll see how it goes. What we do for love, huh?

Glynne