Triggered!!!
So this seems like the perfect forum to vent!
I have a 13 year old SD that I legit cannot stand being around. She’s 13 thinking she’s going on 20 and super entitled. When she comes here she does NOTHING but eat junk food, sit on her phone, doesn’t shower the usual. Usually when DH has her I am quite busy doing other things so I don’t have to be around her. He has joint custody so she’s here half the time.
I do have dogs and I recently lost one of my special dogs and of course SD had to make it about her. She doesn’t look after the dogs in any way shape or form (no feeding, cleaning up after them etc). She was demanding his collar and ashes etc…nope, was my answer - those belong with me as he was my therapy dog. So, I went out of my way and got her a little plaque with his photo and name for her room. I didn’t get ONE thank you for it, instead I got eye rolls and scoffs. Even mentioned to DH that he needs to teach her how to say thank you for gift like that and his response was “meh” you don’t need validation. ??validation? shouldn’t there be a thank you??
Ever since this happened my dislike for her has sky rocketed ten fold - disrespectful and so so rude. Am I missing something here??
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Nope.
Nope.
It's definitely him. This isn't about validating you. He's raising a brat, and he's not doing her any favors.
That would be the last gift she ever got from me.
Agree with Ipsofacto
But you also have a huge DH problem. If he won't parent, then SD is just being the way she's been taught to behave.
This was a great teaching moment and he did a hard nope. Plus he then tried to gas light you.
Is it possible to sit him down in a calm momement and thrash all this out as adults?
Hard to talk to him about SD attitude
It's super hard to sit down like grown ass adults and talk about SD behavior. DH gets super defensive and doesn't think she does anything wrong and is sweet angel and I'm evil SM. SD plays both BM and BD and I feel like I'm taking crazy pills as I think "omg does no one else see this as inappropriate?!"
Meh... You need to learn to
Meh... You need to learn to properly raise your child. -- Would have been my response but I am not good with my brain to mouth filter.
Your SD sounds like a miserable human and once they reach teen years and are almost adult size it gets harder and harder to overlook behaviors. Something you need to remember though is that she acts like this because she can. Because neither of her bios have taught her any better. It also isn't your job to teach her.
Start making yourself unavailable while she is there. Make plans and separate that part of your DH"s life from your own. He has the kid, he can deal with her. If he starts complaining just tell him that you are choosing to spend time with people that enjoy being with and unfortunately SD is someone you just really don't like or want to be around. IF he manages to teach her some manners and hygiene maybe that will change...
What a prick
Well now we know why SD is an entitled lil snot, DH enables it. Just awesome.
As they say on here you have a DH problem. Basically or in a nutshell SD will continue to be this way and the older she gets she will get worse. Imagine an entitled snot nosed adult SD. Its pukeworthy.
Sounds like your DH doesnt support you when it comes to SD's shithole behavior. Unless you come to an agreement on setting behavior expectations you are in for a long rocky ride.
Best of luck with your DH. Blessings
I am sorry about the loss of your dog
I have three fur babies, 2 dogs and 1 cat. When I lose any of them down the line it will be very hard on me, especially the current puppy since I have been working from home since we got him and have yet to spend one night away from him. Your dog being a therapy dog, the loss must of been even harder on you. I am so glad you stood your ground as your SD is not entitled to any of the items she requested. It is unfortunate she did not thank you for the plaque as that was a very thoughtful gift. I agree I wouldn't buy her anything else moving forward. Your DH is blind to SD's shitty behavior and needs to open his eyes. For your sake, I hope that happens one day!
I was in the car with my 14 year old
And 13 year old yesterday. Dd14's former bestie was baker acted again this past weekend and was asking why Dd14 doesn't want her over for sleepovers anymore. Dd14 told her I always try and make you feel better. I invite you to do fun things. I cheer on your accomplishments and I support you emotionally. You don't do any of those things for anyone else." I said "I feel sorry for your friend." And Dd14 asked why and I said "because she is going to have relationship problems for the rest of her life. She already has severe relationship probers with her family. She will have them with her friends and coworkers and with boyfriends. You name it. If she can't learn and grow on how to treat others she is in a world of trouble. What makes a good life is the relationships you have." So yes your DH is doing his daughter a severe disservice not teaching her how to navigate this world with reciprocity in relationships and to have empathy and respect for others. No one will like her or tolerate iher
Bratty
My SD24 acted like this and she was in her early 20s. One summer she complained about wanting a backpacking pack but they were too expensive. So for her college graduation I got her a brand new one from REI. She never said thank you and actually complained to SO that she didn't like it.
That was last time I got her anything. I also refuse to spend a single penny towards anything of hers to this day - that bill goes straight to SO. Oh, Bratty wants to share our Netflix account? Cool - you pay for the whole thing then.
Very hurtful behavior that is another way for SK's to reject the new step-parent's role in the family and try to place themselves as 'better than'. Its a consistent them around here.
Sorry for the loss of your pup.
Im so sorry for your loss
Id be taking back that plaque. She doesnt deserve it.
"oh thought by your eyerolls you didnt like it so I didnt want you to suffer looking at it anymore"...
Hey, Clove,
Hey, Clove,
My DH recently sent $100.00 to my granddaughter (his step-granddaughter), for her fourteenth birthday. Her response was so heartfelt, complete with clipart cartoons, that DH was verklempt. While reading her ‘thank-you’ email, he cleared his throat and turned away to hide a tear or two.
My son expects basic manners from his only child and the results are that she is welcome everywhere, has many friends and is a great favorite in the family. She is confident, empathetic and generous. (Does my prejudice show, heh, heh?)
In grade school, back in the dark ages, we were taught how to write a ‘bread and butter’ (thank-you) note as a response to gifts or favors. Failing to express appreciation was seen as an inexcusable faux pas! It’s my opinion that lack of gratitude/entitlement is rampant among today’s youngsters, not just with the children of divorce.
Agree! I was horrified the
Agree! I was horrified the SDs didn't thank anyone for gifts after our first holiday together. DH didn't even think they needed to! What the....?
I eventually told my family members that it was up to them whether to send gifts or not. Gradually those gifts stopped arriving. Gradually my gifts were lessened.
YSD16 got $100 plus a gift card from DH. She hardly reacted. A very quiet thank you, and that was it. Hell give me $100 and you'll get a loud thank you and a little jump for joy but she was almost like "meh." Which is why I don't get her anything anymore. Plus what's she going to do with the money? No bank account, no need to buy anything.