So Bm was supposed to have her Occupational drivers license and the interlock device installed in her car before she could begin extended standard visitation with SD. Until then she had supervised visitation in our home three days a week. My stupid trusting self, took BM's word that she had her license when she showed me a reciept that she paid for it in November, and showed me the instruction manual to the interlock device. I am so STUPID! I guess I just wanted things to get better so bad, and I really want to be the good guy that shows BM trust and respect at all times because I have this fantasy world in my head where things like trust and respect mean something to BM.

So getting to now, DH and I started to get suspecious a few weeks ago when BM suddenly stopped driving and started having others bring her to pick up and drop off SD. That was just a couple of weeks after DH called BM's work and they told him she no longer worked there. She of course, has been lying telling us she is at work, showing up in her work clothes and trying to act as if she is just convieniently off work, one week Monday, Tuesday and Friday, yeah, she lies, okay. We didn't ask her about her job, or her license until... she blew up yelling and cussing us on our front porch last Tuesday after we did her a favor.

DH told her he knew she didn't have a job and didn't think she even had a license. BM cussed him saying he didn't know S**T, and she does have her license. Well, wouldn't you know that when DH called her last night to tell her what all he expects to see from her before she may take SD from our home, and on to Disney World with that lady she lives with, she finally admits she DOES NOT have her license! And of course, now she is playing the sad, humble little victem who just wants to have her Christmas with her daughter and just wants to keep all of this court stuff out of SD's life. I JUST GET SO MAD!!!!!!!!!! I know I keep trying to rationalize an irrational person, but why didn't she think of this when she was cussing my name on my own front porch last week and telling DH she didn't think I could even have a baby? And why did she tell DH that she feels SD needs to know that it is all HIS fault she can't spend the night with BM any time she wants to, if she just wants to keep it all out of SD's life?

BM said she is going to bring her paperwork over tomorrow when she was supposed to get to pick up SD, and show DH. DH told her he will look at it, but if he is not satisfied he cannot allow her to take SD. She explained to him she has the court order from a judge that grants her the right to aquire an occupational license and outlines the rules of when she is allowed to drive. That order, by my research, was a temporary driving permit for 30 days from the date of the Judge's signature, and that time has lapsed. She then had to submit all of that with an application to DPS to get an official occupational license. I read somewhere that DPS does have the right to reject an application based on your driving record, but now I can't find it to print it off. BM told DH she has done everything she is supposed to and has her license, but just hasn't got her "Brown Card" in the mail yet. DH asked her what that is, she tried to tell him she really didn't know what that was for. I looked it up, THE BROWN CARD IS THE REAL LICENSE! After talking around and around, she finally admitted she cannot drive right now because her temp license has run out and she has not got her other in the mail from DPS and they haven't cashed her check she sent to pay for it, but she insists that she had a meeting with her judge the 20th of this month and that judge said he wouldn't worry about it and it is no big deal. ???? So as it stands, she should only get supervised visits in our home until she gets her license. That is what the judge ordered. It's in black and white.

So here is the question, and I guess I know there really shouldn't be any question because we should follow the rules, but DH and I are always concerned when there is a big decision. Should DH and I try to be nice and allow BM to take SD, and go out of state to Disney World, when we now know for a fact that BM does not have her license, or a job? The only reason we are even considering it is because it was our own mistake for letting her get off supervised visitation without seeing an actual license. Then DH and BM made the arrangement to trade weeks during Christmas holiday so she could take her to Disney World. Our attorney, and all of our family are in support of us telling her no. Partially because without her having a job, or license here, and her being a bit crazy (probably understatement of the year), we have some concern that she may decide to stay in Florida and try to dissappear with SD. She did just pass on the appeal hearing she had her attorney set trying to change the temporary orders last week. What if she has decided she can't win and is doing something drastic? She did threaten Dh that she was going to move SD to Colorado so he couldn't see her when SD was an infant and she wanted DH to stop seeing me. She also just found out we are having a baby, and by my reasoning, is the reason she flipped out last week. What do you think, are we reaching on these concerns, or are we justified?

We have already arranged for SD to be down the road at my aunt's house playing with my cousin long before BM comes to show her papers tomorrow. I know she is going to be angry when SD is not here, but we are pretty sure she is going to try to get SD to throw a fit to go with her and try to use that to guilt us in to cooperating with her. WE also have arranged for DH's aunt to be with us at our house as a witness to...whatever happens.

I guess DH and I are concerned because we have kept SD from BM twice this year, both times with good reason, and both times were backed up by the courts decisions, but we still worry we are going to look like we are attempting to alienate SD from BM. We dont' want to, but we just want things to be right. The truth is, if she hadn't flipped out last week DH probably would not have confronted her on our suspicions and we would have just gone on as we were. Now we know the truth and if we allow SD to go it falls on us.

DH and I did talk to BM's mother on Christmas eve and arranged to take SD over there so their family could see her for Christmas. SD had picked out picture frame ornaments for BM and her mom and I put SD's pic in them and wrapped them so SD could give them for Christmas. BM was there too, and was very civil to us. Her family was very nice and we shared with them all at once that SD is going to be a big sister. BM's mom even gave me a book to borrow that has pictures of a baby growing from conception to birth. We only planned to stay a few minutes because we were leaving there to go to DH's family Christmas, but they had family in from out of town and we were all getting along, we ended up staying for over an hour. I thought it was great because I have wanted to show Bm and her family all along that they are not loosing SD just because she lives with us. Loosing control and the ability to damage her, yes, but not loosing her as a daughter and granddaughter.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. I guess I know what the right answer is, and that is to follow the courts orders. If we do that we should be protected from blame in the courts eyes. As much as we would like to trust BM that her license is in the mail, she really has NEVER given us a good reason to trust her before. Even her recent behaviour has been lying.

I do kinda feel like doing a happy dance though, BM has been insisting that I am lying and she did show me her license over a month ago. She told DH that I am the biggest liar, that she showed it to me and that is all there is to it! Then she kept telling DH that she didn't need to show him her license because she already showed it to me. Finally, after talking around in circles with her last night the truth comes out of her mouth, SHE DOES NOT HAVE HER LICENSE!! DH asked her, "So when you called SHell a liar and said you showed her your license, that was a lie?" Complete silence on the line.

I didn't even get into how DH told her last Friday not to call my phone anymore because she obviously can't talk to me with respect and that he would have SD call him on his lunch break. Of course she follwed that by calling my phone 36 times in an hour. She left a message that she knows I am sitting there rejecting her calls, "but that's okay, I can keep calling you all day!" in a freaky sing song crazy voice. I had a little panic attack over that, just knowing she was trying to force me to have to deal with her. SHe left DH a message that she has never been disrespectful to me, she has always been overly nice to me and she did consider me to be one of her best friends until I stabbed her in the back.

Please pray for us to be able to get the social study caseworker to request the judge order a psychological evaluation of her. DH goes for his first interview to get the social study started Jan 7.