You are here

SD3 hates her own BM?

SoontobeWifeandMom's picture

Submitted by SoontobeWifeandMom on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 12:50pm

Okay so I have a strong dislike for BM. Why shouldn't I, she is crazy and obsessed with proving that she is better than FH. Ummm I won't even go into that. But my poor little innocent SD is being dragged into this. SD is a great kid, she is so sweet and funny, she obeys for the most part lol. But she has started to act strange as of late. She hates seeing her own mother. Who can explain that to me? Every time FH drops her off she cries, she tells her mom things like I want to go back to daddy and mommy (obviously referring to me and yes she meant to be mean to her BM because she never calls me mommy, maybe momma but NEVER mommy). She spends less time with BM than she does at our house but yet she never has a desire to leave. The thoughts running through my head of what is happening over there scares me. I mean SD only recently started acting like this, in fact, she started acting like this once BM got a live in BF. She knows the guy a month maybe and was living with him. It is obvious she doesn't care about SD. She just wants people to think she is a great mom. When in reality she is a crappy one. Do you think I should worry or that I should stop because it is normal toddler behavior? I know that toddlers can start a phase where they favor a parent over another, but this is a whole new level of that. She has to be bribed to get in the car to go see BM, the day care provider tells us that SD hides when BM comes to pick her up, plus SD comes back with bruises BM just says well SD is clumsy (who says that about their own child?), and SD has even said things like the BF yells at BM too much. I can't help but to think wtf is going on!

Comments

Dreamer's picture

Submitted by Dreamer on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 12:58pm

I would get a doctor, therapist, and social services involved.

~Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns~

FutureSM's picture

Submitted by FutureSM on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 1:00pm

I agree. This is not normal. Something is wrong with that. File an emergency order with the courts until you figure it out...

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 1:38pm

tells me stories from when i was younger about the things i said to her and my sf, and also the things i told my dad. My grandma told me i use to hide from my mom and sf as well when they would pick me up, but i honestly dont remember anything. I think its normal to act out and try to play parents against one another. my ss4 is doing the same stuff now, saying he doesnt want to see the other parent, and claiming hes un happy. awhile back i suggested that he needed a 3rd party to talk to, like a counsler (i only said it to my fh), and when my fh suggested it to exw, she flipped out,saying that i must have suggested it and that nothing is wrong with him, and i need to keep my rich girl ideas to myself. I learned then and there that i have to realize that no mater how much i love ss, he is not mine and it is up to fh and bm not me. We have found that at day care he talks alot to the women there, and we got alot of info from talking to them abot how ss is feeling about everything. is there a person like this you could meet with?

fruitloop's picture

Submitted by fruitloop on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 1:42pm

I agree with HRM...I was super clumsy as a child...as well as slightly anemic...so the slightest bumb into something would give me a huge bruise. My SD4 is the same way...that child could walk from one side of a room to the other and if there was a feather in the corner she would find a way to trip on it!

I would just keep an eye on it for now...she is only 3 and she also may just be having normal adjustment issues not only to the exchanges between her bioparents, but also the introduction of this new BF at mom's house. I know when our BM had her new fiance move in, all of a sudden my SD4 started peeing in her pants - and she has been fully potty trained since age 3 - and having night terrors. We DID start taking her to a therapist...and after a few months she was much more well-adjusted and back to normal. It was just regression due to lots of changes in her life.

I understand your concern...and commend you for even being concerned...it shows you care!! But be cautious not to jump the gun.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 2:31pm

Counseling, because she might disclose some information there that you previously didn't know about. Also, do a people search online about the BF. Those searches usually reveal things like criminal records, etc. You could also enter his name in the search engine in your state's offender database. Last, but certainly not least, make sure that you & FH give SD a lot of extra love & affection.