My stepdaughter is absolutely gorgeous. She turns six in December, but you can just see how beautiful she's going to be. I try not to resent that my kids (none of which have been conceived) won't be as gorgeous as her b/c I'm totally white, so my kids will be mostly bland while she is half-Chinese and half-Puerto Rican.

I resent all the drama that's come with falling in love with my BF, but I want nothing more than for this little girl to grow up and be a well-adjusted person, a woman with a head on her shoulders.

BF's been very laid back. "It'll be fine. She does see you as her mom." Blah blah blah. I think he wants me to be the mom while he stays in the background like his dad was.

Your birth mother is your birth mother. No one's word carries more weight in a girl's life. Except maybe her birth father's. I just don't rate.

So, the other night, I'm flipping through the channels while SD colors and BF reads a magazine. BM had just taken her to get her haircut. The bangs are shorter than ever, but I'm more fascinated by the weird graduation from short to long around her shoulders. I'm thinking her hair is so short and I miss how long and wavy it was just three days ago, when SD pushes her hair back behind her ears.

She sits upright suddenly and pulls her hair back straight down again. "I have to cover my ears," she says quietly, and goes back to coloring.

My BF and I look at each other horrified. He hates just about everything about the way he looks, but he waits until the days she's not around to complain about it.

"Who told you that?" BF asks.

SD takes a minute and says, "My other mom."

"Why would she tell you that?" we ask. I can see it already--the hair is just short enough around her shoulders so it will always hang down and cover her ears. She can tuck it behind her ears, but every time she does, she hears her mom telling her how stupid or ugly or bad her ears are. I'm horrified.

My BF tries to explain to her that she has pretty ears and shouldn't cover them. I think it might have been one of the most difficult persuasive speeches ever delivered considering how much he his ears.

I try explaining to my SD how my mom used to tell me that I shouldn't wear my hair pulled back b/c it made my face look too round. That, according to my mom, I need bangs and/or layers to hide my big round face. I liked my hair pulled back, but whenever I thought I looked good with my hair pulled back, I would tell myself I was wrong. Then I grew up and realized my mom was wrong. I plan to wear my hair pulled back when I get married.

A blank stare was my response from SD. She went back to coloring.

I can't believe her BM is blatantly creating self-loathing within her own daughter. I can't believe that BF still doesn't believe my word doesn't weigh as much as her mom's. I hate that I can't tell SD that her mom is being stupid, and just make this problem go away.