Well aren't you sweet this morning... I did read my commments and dont appreciate you being so unkind.

We are a family and I know I am not her mom and do not want to be her mother..she has a mother...But BM has no problem with me buying clothes for her daughter, or taking her on a trip or paying for dance lessons, healthcare...whatever else comes up...so WTF is the issue with a haircut...

1- DH would not ever put the blame on me..ever
2- My SD is with us alot and when in hell does dad take his daughter to the hairdresser..it's a girl thing and SD wants a females opinion
3- BM is pissed off because of a haircut, my gosh there are so many other issues to get upset about....

This can happen. One of my relatives has a court order that the SM cannot cut the child's hair or do any modifications to her body. There is also a clause that she cannot administer any corporal punishment. It became enough of an issue that her ex almost lost his visitation and they had to attend counseling visits together.

No rags, you probably couldn't be arrested for it as long as it was't abusive, but your wife could surely lose custody of her kid for not complying with the CO. The family court DOES have that authority.

My kids are grown now, but if their stepmother ever put her hands on them, they'd be scraping her off the street. Booking time in jail and a $250.00 fine would be well worth it.

I am saying that any judge who signs a CO saying corporal punishment can not be used in a specific home or by anyone acting in loco parentis would get their ass handed to them on appeal. There are plenty of the morons in black robes who would try to enforce that clause and few parents who would take the judge up the food chain to be shredded by their judicial superiors. But, nullifying that element of a CO would not be difficult if not directly with the judge then on appeal.

Spanking is legal.... period. It is legal everywhere in the US and can be used at the discretion of the one doing the punishing as long as they are acting in loco parentis for that child. School officials, StepParents, Aunts, Uncles, guardians, etc, etc, etc.....

What is not legal is abuse. In some states the law draws a very fine line between the two but in every state corporal punishment is legal.

You may not like the thought of a Sparent spanking your child but you would likely not have much success if that (S)parent defended themselves vigorously when you try to take the issue to court.

My SS visited his SpermClan for 54-65 days a year from 1yo to 18 which is more visitation than an EOWE schedule would give. His SpermClan tried many times over the years to comment on spankings, discipline and a plethora of other issues that were none of their business. My response was always, if you think you are right .... see you in court.

Or put less sensitively ... STFU. They tried a couple of times in court and got spanked.

The ONLY thing that matters is the law. In our case the CO was sound and did not have any ridiculous crap in it like "no haircuts" and "no corporal punishment". Even the CO does not matter if it does not comply with the laws of the state. The elements of the CO that are not compliant with the laws of the state are not enforceable if anyone is willing to put their foot down about those elements of the CO.

I suppose that a particularly petty parent could get a “no haircuts” clause put in the CO but I would bet even money or better that they would get their asses handed to them by the judge if they went to court over a hair cut.

All in my layman's opinion of course.

It is only a layman's opinion. But, it is also confirmed by my own experiences and $10's of thousands in legal fees I have paid to inject some intelligence in to idiot family law judges and the dip shit bottom 10%er attorneys that the SpermClan would bring to the table.

It amazes me the number of attorneys that are obviously highly intelligent but who can not translate their academic capability in to real world effectiveness. I guess that is the engineer in me coming out. Engineers make theory work in the real world. That is what I have been doing for my 25 year management/engineering career.

I have found the key to success and to enforcing your will on the blended family opposition is the right attorney who is willing to go toe to toe with these idiots on the bench and push them to the edge of a contempt ruling in order to motivate a logical decision. Threatening the judge with contesting the next election is one thing our guy has done a few times. That tends to get the morons on the bench who can not do something productive for society to make decisions of decidedly better quality. For someone who has been on the bench for several terms unopposed this seems to get their attention.

Neither attorneys nor judges are anything special in my opinion. With a few exceptions that I have experienced first hand.

The law profession likes to think of itself as "Reason free of passion" or something like that. I have seen little reason in my experiences in courts. I have been to criminal court, divorce court, family court and civil court for corporate litigation. Rather than "reason free of passion" it is more like "respiration free of logic". Many of these people can do little more than suck the air out of a room. Particularly in areas of law that are primarily case law rather than legislated law if that is the right term for laws enacted by duly elected legislative folks.

My favorite experience in court was for a DUI when I was in my early 20's while riding my motorcycle. I left a bar after 3hrs and three drinks and it had been an hour since my last beer. A Police Officer followed me out of the parking lot. After about 10 blocks he pulled me over. He smelled alcohol on my breath and gave a a field sobriety test which his video showed I passed. He arrested me anyway.

I did not have the money for an attorney at the time so I defended myself. I shredded the DA in court. I was not drunk.

The DA alleged that that every block or so I would swerve violently, that I smelled of alcohol and that I was obviously impaired. All duly documented in the police report.

I submitted the National Weather Service reports for the night in question showing 30-40 MPH winds. I also submitted a map showing the route I traveled from the bar to where he stopped me. I then questioned the Officer on the stand and stepped him through the process and then asked him that with the direction of the winds and the regular block or so swerves was it possible that I was blown across the lane at the crossroads since the wind was coming from that direction. I referenced his dash video which showed my swerves nicely lined up with the cross streets. I was was down town where the wind can do some crazy things when it is whipping between high-rise buildings. He was great. He answered that it was very possible and even likely that the wind caused the swerves.

The DA tried to redirect or what ever the legal term is and just polished his own DA ass that I had already bared. The jury deliberated for 15mins and I petitioned to have any record of the event expunged.

I have had similar experiences in divorce court, family court and in corporate cases. It appears from my experiences that lawyers know very little in most cases other than the law. They are not usually logical thinkers or problem solvers. For some reason they seem to look only at the information that supports their charges and not at the total picture. If you put their perspective in the context of the big picture I have found that picking them apart is not particularly difficult.

All it takes to deal with most of them that I have been in opposition with is to be knowledgeable of all of the data and facts associated with the case, knowledgeable of the environment and extenuating influences that were in play at the time of the occurrences that ended up in court and you can shut down most attorneys in a hurry.

I have considered going for a JD. Not because I really want to be an attorney but because I have little respect for most of the people I have seen or interfaced with who are attorneys and in my experience Family Law attorneys and judges with limited exception are the bottom feeders. My intent would be to get a JD in the last decade before I retire then do pro bono work or limited paying cases focusing on defending NCPs who are dealing with unreasonable Xs, CPs who are confronted by toothless dipshit NCPs and to pretty much make myself a nuisance to family law judges.

My wife and I agreed after we both finished our MBAs that the next one we would do together. I would prefer to do a Ph.D in Management but she insists on a JD. I am good with that other than she will kick my ass in Law School GPA. She already wins nearly every argument we have and she is snarky enough to oppose me in every case I might take as a lawyer just to be a PITA. :O

All in my experience and layman's opinion of course.