so yesterday i mention to fh that i felt like an outsider at ss4 tball practice. i feel that bm manipulates ss in to behaving badly to make fh feel guilty like he is doing something wrong or to get fh to rush to her side to try to coach ss not to behave that way.

He tells me that i am being selfish, that i know he absolutely despises bm and that he is not happy with ss for the way he baehaves when bm is around, but there is nothing he can do, his father was not in his life, and no matter how ridiculous his son acts when bm is around, he is going through alot and fh needs to be there for him. I agree, he is olny 4 and he cant yet see what his crazy insecure mother is doing fully. fh starts to cry and says that i broke his heart by saying that his son was acting like an idiot because of bm. my mother agrees with fh, she says that if my step dad ever said that i would be history. so, i apologize to fh for saying that, i explain that in fact i do not think ss is an idiot, but that bm tries to get him to act that way to create problems. Fh says he agrees, but there is nothing he can do, he can not control her, all he can do is try to coach his son along to have better behavior, and in the end ss will see what a nut job bm is.

So after a huge fight, me saying im calling off the wedding, him telling me to move out. we come to our senses, he says you know i hate her, please just give me this hour twice a week to try and bond with my son. i want you there, but if you cant handle that for that hour i have to do whats best for my son, then this wont work. He says that he knows i know he wants nothing to do with her, therefore stop trying control something we cant. I realized that in fact i am a control freak (well ive always known that) but that im not insecure about him being around her, its that shes doing things on purpose and getting away with it because fh wants to be in ss4's life.

So, we are laying down and about to go to sleep, and he informs me he needs to go out on the porch to talk to bm because shes being a c*nt. so i follow (ss was asleep) he informs me that earlier she had text him that she would be picking him up early(also mentioned fh droping ss off at her house for the day) to practice with ss and then taking him to tball..he responded no, but she kept writing him as if he had never responded, so finally he was calling her to straighten out that they had already discussed that she took him monday and he took him wednesday.

so obviously, if she can be there with him 2 days this week, the woman has lost her job for the third time in like 5 months, also her bf has not been with her at all, which we think he finally is tired of her crap and they are still living out the lease but they are over. her myspace says shes on the path to new beginnings.

anyways fh calls, she says they never had that schedule, and that ss does not want us there. fh needs to practice with ss, he was doing fine monday until we got there. fh makes a comment in regards to her brainwashing ss, she says no its sm's fault because if she is such a great person she should have come said hi, fh tells her no its her fault for forwarding the email to his mother we got there late and it is not my place to approach her to say hi, she starts calling me names and fh calls her lots of wonderful names before he hangs up on her she manages to say that its clear fh is only with me for the money...lol if you knew our financial situation you would see how delusional this woman is.

so in the end, he tells her, its your son, if your so concerned about saying hi for his sake, you should of gotten up off your fat azz and said hi to her. so this is when she proceeds to say that i have a big nose and an ugly chin. he tells her off, hangs up and doesnt answer any more calls, she leaves a drunk message about me being vindictive and that fh and i dont have ss's best interest at heart, blah blah

fh tells me just ignore her clearly she cant handle that im moving on, i was like cant you see why i react to this, because she is making it about her and i, thats why its hard for me to look at it as just let it go for ss. she is using him as a shield against you to act how ever she wants.

my mom is urging me to carefully consider what im doing. with bm and psycho mil in the picture she fears i will never be able to be happy. after last night i see that all of these issues stem from her insecurities why should i walk away from some one i love because she is such a horrible person...ugh once again im at the cross road.