there has been so much going on, and last night i finally told fh that i dont know if i can handle all the baggage. i cant read the future but i do know i have been able to weather through so far, and am still in love with him and want to marry him, but i know that i can not honestly say that forever i will be able to deal with ss, bm, and mil because i fear things will get worse.

We both agreed that if things were different we would hold off on the wedding, however, it has ALL been paid for already.

we have decided, we love each other and still want to get married, and so we will! i cant take the pressure of having to decide do i or dont i!

fh made up with mil kind of, but not because he has forgiven her, because he wants mil to drop bm like a piece of poop that she is, so bm realizes she was used! He also sees mil for who she his but still needs a mother in his life, i understand, and am willing to get over whats happened and have mil back in our life, as i know the second she attacks me again, fh will give her the boot!

yesterday, fh brings me a card home from tball from his mother. its for my bridal shower this sunday. i guess shes not coming but she got me a card and a gift card for 50. i called her this morning!! i said i was sorry for the hurt feelings, i hope to move on and build a relationship for fh's sake, and because i truly want my mil in my life and for us to get along! she starts with, i appreciate that you said all that, i really want for us to mend this as well, you make my son happy and i am happy for you from the bottom of my heart, but i never want to feel the devastation that i have felt. we will get through this and all sit down to talk, she finally at the end says she is sorry for the things she has done and said to me. but the majority of the time i feel like its me pouring my heart out, for her to say "OH POOR ME" im like f u you caused this(in my head of course)

so i call fh in tears, i feel it was a waste, i feel she playing the victim and i resent being the bigger person now. he tells me, im the only one you need to worry about, this is all gonna take time, thank you for being the amazing person you are and making the first step!

sooooooooooo, fh calls me shortly after to tell me clearly i was not feeling alright about it all and bm is keeping ss tonight so that him and i can have some drama free alone time to be together so he can comfort me! hopefully this can help me realize that fh means it when he says he puts me first!