bm's bf is hitting ss with a belt ....

when he is bad. okay, first my dh does spank ss4, but only like once every 3 months because he really never is badly behaved. ss4 informed me this weekend that bm's bf is hitting with the belt on his bottom when he is bad. it seems like he is badly behaved quite often, because ss4 says that he does it alot.

i understand that kids make things up and exaggerate, but the way this came out i know for a fact that bm's bf is hitting him with the belt. We have court the end of oct. bm is trying to get full custody. I cant write all the things we have against her in case she finds this site, but what do you think this new discovery will increase our chances of getting full custody?

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I'd call the police

today. That man has noo business beating the boy with a belt. BM has no business letting him. I swat the butt when littles needs it (turning the microwave on 80 hours..stuff that could hurt him). But what could the 4 year old be doing to justify a belt from a non-parent?

smnikki...i'd advocate for this child if I were you. Call social services, do something. He's too little to defend himself.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

i agree

A belt is way overboard!! And like AllSmiles said, hes not even the parent! I'd so something for sure. Maybe you can call the lawyer for advice on how to handle it.

Agreed...

There is absolutely NO reason to ever ever ever spank a 4 year old with a belt!!! And ESPECIALLY by the step-parent!

same here

what the hell is wrong with people?!

I agree that this sort of behavior is beyond inappropriate. Spanking in itself can be questionable, but I was spanked as a kid and when it was done in limit and lightly, I was ok. I was also spanked with a belt, a rope, and had things thrown at my head and that shit I remember as terrifying.
Please at least consult DH and have him consult BM. If the least you can do is bring awareness it's a positive step forward.

If you wish to give off light, you must endure the burning.

omg

help that little boy! Definitely contact an attorney asap and get that man to STOP! Will you be seeing SS anytime soon? If so, I'd check his bottom and back and all over for any marks or bruises and take photos of anything that's found. Oh, my heart goes out to that little boy. Every child acts badly, it's to be expected, but a belt??!?!?!?!?

i dont think hes getting beat

but i still dont think its right that the bf is hitting him at all weather its a hand or belt. ss is very well behaved, with us anyways, and only has an attitude sometimes or will pout because it works at bm's house...but nothing that some tickling wont get rid of.

we just dont think that since there is any proof but ss's words it will do any good to call cps, and think we should wait to bring it up in court. I dont think that ss is in physical danger, but i think that the psychological effects are not good.

im just not sure what to do

no, simply bringing this up

no, simply bringing this up in court and two of you did nothing to try to help the boy (call cps) makes you look bad too

child abuse hotline!!!!!!!

1-800-482-5964

Call it if you suspect that this is out of line!!!!!! and call it now if you think there is a problem.

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

I agree this child needs

I agree this child needs help if this man her bf is hitting this child at all, especially a 4yr old. Someone does need to advocate for this child. Before I married dh and was a single mother to bs if any boyfriend I had ever touched my kid he'd be out on his ass!

4-YO is hand on the butt age not belt or paddle age.

Even the hand on the butt should be applied conservatively to get the point across with no lasting marks. A little pink buttocks is one thing but a belt is over kill on a 4-YO.

I am a proponent of Corporal Punishment and believe that if in schools today a kid who misbehaves was marched to the Principal's office for some swats with the paddle we would have far less crap with the kids. It worked for most of us late Boomers and early Me'ers. It will work for kids today if the wussy hug them in to submission morons will just realize that what works works. (No offense intended to anyone specific).

However there are some limitations that are age appropriate.

No corporal punishment for infants ...... ever.

For a Toddler a hand swat on the diaper is Okay.

For a young child 3-5 a hand swat on an underwear covered or bare butt is Okay.

For an elementary age child 6-11 a bare butt paddle (wide to make a bunch of noise and generate some sting) is Okay.

MS to early HS age children 12+ a belt on the bare ass is Okay.

Any corporal punishment on minors should be applied in a manner to not generate bruises, cuts or blood.

Now, I also believe that court sentenced escalated corporal punishment should be used on delinquent adults. There is a reason why there is no graffiti in the Middle East. Seeing an adult strapped to a wooden frame, the pants drawn down to the ankles and the buttocks filleted with a cane pretty much insures that no one's property will be defaced by graffiti by the same miscreant or any one observing the punishment again.

I am good with all of the above and I am good with it for use on any child in the home regardless of if the parent is Bio or Step. If a kid is resident in my home either full or part time and is supported by my efforts then their ass is mine if they misbehave to the point that corporal punishment is warranted as indicated by MY judgement.

I know many will disagree, some firmly, butt ;), there is often a direct connection between the ass cheeks and the brain when it comes to giving and learning a critical lesson in appropriate behavior.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Now, on the upcoming court action. Take pictures of the kids

ass when he comes to visit.

We did this with my own SS, not for any spankings that BioDad did but for the butt rash so bad from not changing the poor kids diapers that his anus was so raw it would bleed and his butt cheeks would be liberally covered with puss filled welts.

We got to where we would take a Polaroid of the kids ass before he left for visitation (Summer 5-6wks, Fall 10-days, Winter 1wk, Spring 1wk) and we would take a Polaroid of his ass when he got home. Huge difference is the health of his poor little ass. The poor guy would whail when I bathed him and cleaned him when changing his diapers. I used to get so mad at his worthless SpermDad and the wicked hag pig cow witch of a SpermGrandMa when I was bathing him and changing him that I had tears running down my cheeks. If they had not been 2000 miles away I would have beat them to within an inch of their worthless evil toothless lives then used a wire grinding wheel to hamburger their asses then sat them in a wading pool of rubbing alcohol. GRRRRRRRR!

To this day I would rather piss on them than think about them.

So, if the StepDad is inappropriately and excessively applying corporal punishment take the ass pictures to court and let the Judge deal with him.

Best regards,

Nikki....you MUST do something

NOW! You told me that you value my opinion, so I am telling you that this is NOT right. I don't agree with hitting a kid, ever, with anything but a butt smack with the hand...enough to get his/her attention. PLEASE, please, please call someone, TODAY!!! Call me if you need to! HUGS

sia

we dont have any proof except for ss telling us. There are no marks, and i dont think that bm's bf is hitting him hard enough to leave marks, i worry about the emotional and psychologial ramifications.

Last night we took ss to the fair and he told me he wanted to go on a fun house thing, dh said no because he knew ss would chicken out. well, ss is the biggest chicken and i think its due to bm trying to keep him a baby as long as possible, but he really has much more fear than any other kids i see.

anyways, he turned the corner in the fun house and started to freak out because he didnt want to climb up to the slide, he FREAKED out and went hysterical, the guy working the ride went to open a gate to let him out and he freaked out more and ran in to a bar of the gate. Now he has this huge bump and bruise on his head.

its seems that cps is called so much by people, dh and i are afraid to call and then have no proof but ss's word.

bm has threatend to call on us, and we dont want to start a petty back and forth calling of cps, because he is a boy and he will get bumps and bruises, we are afraid that cps will dismiss this with no proof and bm and her bf will get away with it. We are thinking its better to bring it up in court and use it as a justification for us getting full custody. ss NEVER behaves with us in any way to warrant hitting with the belt, and to me this clealy shows that if he is acting up that much over there then he is not happy or emotionally safe over there.

Him saying it is proof

enough for you to at least call CPS and have them investigate it. Most of them are trained enough to know when a child is embellishing or when they are telling the truth. Please call them. If you make a report against her, they likely won't allow her to file a claim against you since there's an open case against her.

Sounds like you should have put him out of your misery.

Beating him to death with the board with nails in it that he just beat you with would have been self defense IMHO even if it had been after he put the board down and turned his back on you. In my humble and inexperienced opinion of course.

I know I won the parent lottery and I have tried to give my own Son (SS) as similar an example and the same opportunities that my parents (Ward and June Cleaver) gave me.

As I have said before I am a proponent of corporal punishment when it is necessary to correct a behavior. Both Mom and Dad smacked my little Bro's and I on the hams occasionally growing up when we did something deserving of a spanking. Nothing more than a few pops on the butt to induce some minor pinking and a sting to close the gap between our brains and our behavior.

Corporal punishment does not include abuse of any kind IMHO. Smacking a kid on the butt cheeks to induce a little sting is one thing. Beating the crap out of a kid with fists or an object/weapon is something else entirely.

It is extremely tragic that you and your sibs had to deal with the abusive crap your SF perpetrated against you and that your mother allowed it to happen. I wish everyone could have the benefits of winning the parent lottery. It sounds like your Skids/Kids did. At least with you.

Best regards,

That's not cool at all.

That's not cool at all. Does ss have welts on his behind? If he does take pics for the courts.

Nice and thanks for given

Nice and thanks for given information to us.Nice idea and we can develop the country.
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NO, NO, NO, Hitting, Hitting

NO, NO, NO, Hitting, Hitting ONLY teaches children, its OK TO HIT. There are other ways to correct a child, WITHOUT VIOLENCE.

ALSO, WHY DON'T THESE KIDS HAVE GUARDIAN AD LITEMS IN COURT???
THEY CAN TALK TO THE KIDS ALONE, AS LONG S A CHILD CAN SPEAK (OLD ENOUGH), AND GIVE THE COURT INFORMATION,WHICH CAN HELP A CHILD.
THE GUARDIAN CAN'T TAKE SIDES, THEY LOOK OUT OF THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD.
YOU CAN ASK A JUDGE FOR ONE, FOR YOUR CHILD, AND THEY WORK FOR FREE, ITS LIKE A CHILD HAVING THEIR OWN LITTLE ATTORNEY.
I BET IF A GUARDIAN AT LITEM, TALKED TO THE FOUR YEAR OLD...THINGS WOULD BE DEALT WITH.

First of all, how "bad" can

First of all, how "bad" can a child that is 4 be to get spanked? I DO NOT believe in hitting children, it only teaches them to hit and then they get hard, cold and defiant.

I think about it like this, as an adult if I did something "bad" and another adult hit me... would I just take it? HELL NO, they would get the crap kicked out of them. But how does a poor child that cant defend his or her self feel! Parents are supposed to protect children from abuse, not be the abuser.

A belt on a 4 year old is abuse plan and simple! I cannot imagine hitting my 5 year old, that would break my heart. I can only imagine the sadness this poor child is going thru with everyone that is supposed to love him, does nothing but physically hurt him.