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lies! lies! lies! what to do ugh

smilie's picture

my "stepdaughter" has been lying to her bio mother ;about me off and on for the last year and some change. I have tried to talk to her just one on one without her father ad I thought it worked we spoke about how she felt and why she said all the things she did.(side note) the reason I chose to talk without her father is because she gets really shy and closed in when he is around. but I digress now we are back to this cramp again ! I try and try to not over step my boundaries with discipline I usually tell her to write down what she did and give it to her father or ill send her to her room and wait to her father comes home to handle it. but nothing! I am not married to her father so I don't feel like I have the same rights as a stepmother but there should be a line of respect and rules in my house. am I asking for to much ? today her father wants to have a conversation with all of us but I am just so fed up ! not to mention her mother is just the furthest thing from sane ugh help what to do or say ?

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smilie's picture

I will definitely take this advice I thought that I should at least try and talk to her and let her know that I am her for her even if she acts out but It feel likes I get taken advantage of thank you

smilie's picture

I feel as though I should help when I can I just don't feel like it is a good thing now that she lies so much. and the conversation I had with her was about her lying on me nothing to do with her mother and you are so right I am no having another conversation with her at all in regards to anything this serious without her father present. today we are suppose to have a family meeting but I feel in my gut that its going to go bad. smh I'm fearful that this will cause more issuses with her bio mother that I do not want to deal with. thank you

smilie's picture

reading this gave me hope :). her lies are just saying I "mean". when I say she cant go outside because she was 15 mins late after curfew. or telling her to stop playing with dolls and finish combing out her hair so I can do it before the day starts or bed time nothing to serious. and no the father doesn't see that his parenting should step up. but after this conversation i feel as though I have a grip on my worries and I can get through this meeting

Maxwell09's picture

When a child is lieing about you the best thing you can do is to stop being alone with her, put up nanny cams for proof and stop doing things for her. She won't stop until she realizes treating you that way is going to cost her talks relationship.

Thumper's picture

Maxwell definitely ^^^^ when lies have become exposed. Sometimes parents have zero idea lies are being told TO an ex, or whomever.

Nanny cam will protect you from lies about abuse or other things.

twoviewpoints's picture

I agree and as the kid is just nine, it's still just small stuff, thankfully. Right now "mean" means OP would t let kid play outside. But what about when kid gets really mad she doesn't get her way? As OP's career is school teaching, I wouldn't chance putting my reputation and job on the line by being alone unprotected from little girls lying and whining to BM.

Maxwell09's picture

Also wanted to add, it takes a quick Google search to bring you here so what kind of advice do you think a lieing teenage girl will get when she Googles "things to do/say to get rid of my stepmom" and for every one of us there's usually double the scorned child of divorce sharing their manipulative tactics to help others. Kids live online, protect yourself with Nanny Cams and witnesses when the kid is around.

Thumper's picture

What is her age?

Did I over look it?

Depending on her age, I along with dh AND step daughter would dime her out right in front of bm.

'BM (from dh) I want to set this record straight, MY wife is does not push sd around. I do all corrective behavior. Matter of fact she is very kind to our daughter. Secondly, MY wife does not smoke inside our home OR in the car and third. She does NOT drink and drive. OUR daughter has been lying to you.*

what ever the lies are.

And finally if I were in your shoes with my own kids you better believe I would do this. Telling lies IS NOT over looked in my home. Nor would I be afraid to bring this up to my x and his wife or whom ever. NCP's have a tendency to be timid about shitty behavior. NOT ME.
Hopefully bm will not pretend her daughter would never do such things. IF so, be ready to see less and less of the kid.
JMO

smilie's picture

she is nine years old turning ten very soon. her father has tried to setup a meet up with her BM so he can call her out on the lies. and sadly yes her BM does believe her child would never lie. and that it must be everyone else.