Do you think being a step parent makes you feel and act like a worse person?
Coping with the step parent issues often makes me feel like I am a bad person because of the feelings I get and if I could change ie be more understanding, patient, etc then everybody else would be happier. Does anybody else feel like this?
A few things I have had to cope with
SD ignoring me in my home being made to say hello goodbye etc
Finding out after three years of marriage my husband had a private health policy for himself and his 3 kids but had never added me to it and Id had a lump in my breast that he'd watch me wait for an appointment
His money my money being made to feel I had to pay half of everything because I had my two kids living with us even tho he earned more than me
He set up an office in his building and charged me rent
I am at the point of leaving him and feel so sad after 14 years of marriage that could have been a happy one but I feel so distant from him now even tho he is a lovely man and I guess in his own way tried his best but isn't strong enough to support me.
- SLTJ's blog
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Comments
YES! I always thought of
YES! I always thought of myself as a kind hearted, caring, loving, honest person but I don't like what I have been portraited as regarding being a stepmom, makes me want to live up to my name of Evil Stepmother. I used to always wish the best for everyone but now I only wish the worst for SK's.
My temper is MUCH worse.
My temper is MUCH worse. Actually I used to be the kind of person that, if you hurt my feelings, I'd keep it to myself, wouldn't say a word. Now I feel like I just snap at the tiniest thing. I was more soft-spoken before, enjoyed a large group of friends, was outgoing, friendly. These days, I don't trust anyone and don't want to leave my house. I feel like I've become a selfish person, because all I care about right now is taking care of my three kids, myself, and my SO. Other than my mother and one best friend, everyone else can kiss my a$$. I don't like who I am, but my SKs have made the whole community, hundreds of FB friends, and SO's family believe lies about me, and I've just gone into full-on defense mode. I have my first appointment with a therapist on Friday, maybe I can get the old me back. : /
It's almost like I have two
It's almost like I have two different personalities. One during the week, and one on the weekend.
This is how I've rationalized it to myself: In the "real" world, when people piss me off, disrespect me I have the choice to walk away and sever all ties if that's what I want. I don't EVER have to see them again if I choose not to.
In the "step" world, the people who piss me off and (try to) disrespect me are in my presence every single weekend (SK's) and sometimes during the week (the spectre of BM via her alleged co-parenting attempts). I *could* walk away, but it involves more than just me now, KWIM? I kind of gave up the ability to completely walk away when I married DH (short of divorcing him), now all I can do is disengage.
It sometimes boggles my mind,
It sometimes boggles my mind, the person I have become. I used to be this happy, upbeat, outgoing person. People said that I always had the patience of a saint. I loved kids, I wanted to be a foster parent desperately. But now... I am broken. SS had destroyed something in me that I don't know if I can ever get back.
I don't feel I am different
I don't feel I am different person because I am a stepfather, but I am definetly a different person when SS is around.
When SS is not around, I feel the way like any husband should. I feel like a partner to my DW. We have a "vibe" going where we can finish each other's sentences. I feel a closeness to DW. Even when we are seperated (like when we are at work) and she calls me, I feel that one-ness with her.
When SS is around, I feel like I am a contestant on one of those reality dating shows. There's suddenly TWO males vying for my DW's attention. I hate that feeling because it conjures up a slew of negative emotions that I do my darndest to keep in check. I feel jealous, but then I feel like a moron for being jealous of a 13-year-old kid. I can only stand for a handful of conversations being hijacked by SS before I snap, so when SS is around, I do my best to not engage with DW in any topic of conversation because I know it's just going to end with me being irritated at SS so I just shut up. I hate that feeling but I've learned to cope with it and simply busy myself with other things when this negative mood sets in.
Yes. I never thought I would
Yes. I never thought I would totally turn my back on a child. But I have. Ss15 is in detention and I hope he stays there forever. We got letter from the school today about them filing for expulsion- I'm tickled pink. I don't give a fig about him or his education- just so glad he will be away from my kids. Logically I know I have valid reasons for feeling this way about him- however I find it doesn't always feel right. I feel it conflicts with my Christian beliefs of helping others and at times it makes me feel like a hypocrite.
Many years ago, much of the blame for ss used to fall on me. The skid blamed me, dh blamed me, Inlaws blamed me, bm blamed me. On one hand I was outraged to be blamed for things I clearly knew were not my fault, but it was also devastating to me that MY LIFE PARTNER seemed to believe I was capable of such things. Thankfully that time has pissed, my dh is on the same page as me- but I constantly walked around feeling as if everyone thought I was a piece of shit.
Not at all. I think dealing
Not at all. I think dealing with the not-competion of another home of parents completely different from myself has actually held me to a higher standard.