NarcisSkids
Maybe I've been watching too much true crime television, but I'm starting to develop a healthy fear of my Skids. We recently had a death in the family and one of my SDs reaction was suuuuper disturbing.
One of the SDs came into my bedroom while DH was over at the mother of the Decedent's home and said, "I don't see what the big deal is, they're going to have a 'celebration of life' or whatever in a few days. I bet they're over there partying now." Just totally deadpan, lack of empathy, killer kids type stuff. Then, the next day, when she was going over to sit with Decedent's mother, she was auditioning outfits like she was headed to a fashion show ("do you think I should wear the black on black, or the red?").
- SloaneMichael's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Empathy needs to be taught
Empathy needs to be taught and nobody ever taught her care about anyone other than herself.
Empathy
I think some of it is also nature, not nurture, but I agree that a certain amount of it is taught. And she has never been taught to place any importance on anything but herself.
How old is the child?
How old is the child? Has she ever experience death before? Not everyone handles grief in the same manner - or knows how to handle it when others are grieving. What did DH say to her when she said these things? Did he try and guide her emotions?
14 y.o.
Good point. She may be too young to process it and is looking for answers, or just wanting to avoid feeling grief. It's just the callousness that I had a visceral reaction to.
After DH had a talk with them about what happens after someone dies and how important it is to be with the surviving loved ones was when she did the whole fashion show thing. That was also disturbing.
Narcs need the right climate to grow.
This site tends to draw members who are in dysfunctional dynamics. Many of the skids have not been parented well, and some are stunted emotionally. If parents aren't on the ball and don't correct their kids' poor behavior and wrongheaded ideas, well, you end up with cold hearted skids who lack empathy.
My OSD was also this cold at fourteen, and still is at forty. It always seemed crazy to me that none of the adults in her world were willing to correct or guide her, ever. IMO it's a form of emotional neglect, because these kids are essentially left to manage their emotions unaided.
A simple "Knock that off and show some respect. This is a very sad time and you need to consider how awful this is for _______'s mother." might help adjust your SD's thinking. At a minimum, it would help teach her what behaviors are appropriate (even if she doesn't have those feelings) so she can function better in society.