The pride of owning a home
I just have to mention here that I find it very funny that these stepkids assume that all good things in their lives either
a. rain down from heaven
b. are the work of Mommy and Daddee dearest
c. are somehow the result of them getting rewarded by the universe for doing absolutely nothing.
When in actuality, stepmoms often work very hard behind the scenes to make sure they are provided for, have everything they need, wear the right shoes, pack the right snacks, etc etc.
For example, my stepdaughters love to brag about our house. They are proud that we own a nice 4 bedroom home in a nice nieghborhood, and they love to attribute this to their dad or themselves "picking it out."
When in reality, their dad has often said to me "Without you, I never would have been able to buy a house. I'd still be renting. You are the financial wizard that knew how to do it, who had the good credit, who helped me get my credit cleaned up, and who pushed me out of my comfort zone."
So, they can literally thank me for this house that they feel they are going to inherit ( they arent.). Without me, they'd still be living in a crappy rented duplex where their dad never cleaned the bathroom and all the decor was IKEA. LOL.
Aaand their mom is busy spending all their college money and will probably mismanage their current home mortgage. so..... that will be a wake up call for them.
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I'll never forget when DH
I'll never forget when DH told me OSDthen13 complained that it felt more like my house than "dad's house." DH asked me to defer to him in front of the SDs. After I stopped laughing, I said, "That's not going to happen unless you start doing everything I do around here." And I reminded him it was only possible to have the house because I had the down payment and the great credit...ever tell the SDs that? No?
WTF
I was YOUR downpayment and credit that got the house and he dared to ask you that. SMH.
My exh wanted me to call it "our house". Except it was my down payment, my credit, and he never seemed to have any money ever for any bills. Hmmm. Sounds like my house.
And sometimes
They think you're rich! Chef's ferals went through this phase. Asked me to buy them a boat! Chef moved in with me with quite literally the shirt on his back. Then he was forced to file bankruptcy after the Girhippo had taken every last cent AND stuck him with ALL the marital debt.
The house was mine. We've since moved 17 yrs ago to be "closer to the skids" (TM) which backfired BIG TIME.
And it was always "Dad's house" to them. Never Dad and Thinkthrice's house.
his room/ my room
We married when the steps were young adults. The stepgrands refer to our house, bought after the marriage, as grandpa's house. That I get as a DH is their grandfather and SD and her H don't think of me as a relative. The really funny thing that happened was when the stepgrands were talking about rooms. We have our bedroom and a guest bedroom. They referred to our bedroom, the one with the furniture I inherited from my mom, as grandpa's room. The guest room, with the furniture DH was left with in the divorce, was referred to as notarelative's bedroom.
My sd’s after 5.5 yrs no contact, demanded the day they
Contacted dad to remember he owed them a house. A house he bought with his money after he was divorced from biomum and we had been married 3.5 years and had 2 kids together.
apparently hubby still owed bio mum a home after divorce as she claims he owed her one. All courts requested was he provide a home for them to reside in, it didn't specify buy a home and transfer into their name.
hubby refused and sd's tried a few more times before giving up. Cheating hoe affair biomum is dead poor and sponging off affair hubby who earns a crap salary whilst after divorce my husband's salary went up 7-8 fold so clearly she is bitter that we're living comfortably
Ha!
At least your DH was not as foolish/naive as Chef! Chef bought two houses with the Girhippo which he remodeled with his money and sweat equity whilst the Gir sat on her fat ass as a stay-in-bed BM. When they divorced, she talked him into signing a quit claim deed on the house, so he got nothing! And she kept all the proceeds from all of his efforts..
He thought this would cause things to "go smoothly." In fact, it did just the opposite. It further emboldened her to push the envelope even harder and make outrageous demands. On top of this, she was completely uncooperative as far as visitation was concerned. She demanded his ENTIRE paycheck after the divorce. Not just a portion for CS. And to keep him from seeing the 3 children permanently-- Which she accomplished through PAS.
My skids probably figure
My skids probably figure money grows on trees, but even at 8 and 10 they do understand who planted and nurtured the trees, and it wasn't their biological parents.
The house where we live is mine. I owned it before I met DH and the mortgage is paid from separate funds to insure that it remains separate property. DH has zero ownership interest in the house. The skids don't understand the legalities of real estate titles, but they are well aware that the house is mine and that they have more nice things because I'm in the picture (the niceties come more from my parents than from me). Of course, they still call it Dad's house, lol. The situation is even more apparent on BM's side. BM barely had 2 nickels to rub together, but she married a very wealthy man (the Golden Goose) after she divorced DH. The standard of living the skids have there, especially with vacations and experiences, is sooo different from what they had before the Golden Goose was in the picture (and is very different from what they have with us, too). They are well aware of that, and have told me that what they have is because of the Golden Goose. But they call that home BM's house. I think they're just differentiating between where they live with mom and where they live with dad. To be clear, awareness is different from appreciation. They're fully aware, but only somewhat appreciative. I'm sure, being young kids, they expect a lot to be done for them. We'll see if that changes as they get older. I'm not holding my breath.
In a good marriage it takes two to make things happen typically
like buying a home. We would never of been able to get the home we did at the time we did if it was not for being able to use the VA loan because DH was in the marine corps. We also wouldn't of been able to buy the home if it was not for me because I did a lot of the heavy lifting in finding the right lender and getting everything in order we needed. DH and I would discuss and decide on next steps and communicate through the whole process, BUT without one of us, either one of us, it never would of happened.
I do agree with sometimes saying Dad versus stepmom or dad and stepmom could be a way of the kids just making a distinction between BM's home and their dad's home and is not meant to be insulting or one sided, BUT from what I have read about your SD's I could see them just crediting everything to their dad and nothing to you.
I am not sure how it is in your household, but when something is done for or bought or whatever for SD, typically DH and I say "we" and not specify which of us is responsible for something. DH likes to sometimes make it clear to SD that I did such and such because he really didn't have much to do with whatever it is, but I do the same when it is more DH than me, but typically we go with "we." In part so SD knows it is a united front and both of us are trying to do the best for her and it doesn't matter which of us gets the credit if it is given to both.
MY DH would still be renting
MY DH would still be renting a one bedroom, mouse infested apartment with somebody because he couldn't get approved for anything.
Unfortunately, my SD knows I have the money & begs me to buy her stuff all the time. But I don't spend a dime on her ungrateful a$$ anymore. Ick. NO thanks. Not my kid, not my problem.