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"Being a Step-parent is a thankless job, isn't it?" **Update**

Shaman29's picture

I was at a dinner last night with a group of people that work in my industry. One of the women asked me if I had kids. I hesitated and said I do not, but my DH has a 16 y/o daughter. She said, oh you're an SM? I said yes I am. She asked, Does she live with you? I said no, just EOWE and 6 weeks in the summer.

I must of had a funny look on my face because the next words out of her mouth were "Being a step-mother is a pretty thankless job isn't it?" I agreed and said it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. She is a BM/SM and asked me what I hated most about it. I said to be honest, there is no consistency from either DH or Uberksank. And my DH blames Uberskank for that instead of seeing where he is at fault as well.

It's difficult enough being a step. Have Uberskank with her witless ways is worse. But DH and his wuss-out parenting makes me want to run for the hills. Worse. I resent having his kid come over because he's a completely different person the week leading up to her visits, the time she's here and then about two days afterwards.

Take last night for instance. When I told him that I would be going to this industry dinner, he said great! I'll take the kid to X Restaurant. She's never been there before. When I got home I asked her what she thought of the place. DH spoke up and said they didn't go there, they went to Y diner instead. I said why? X restaurant has better food? He said the kid wanted chicken strips.

:jawdrop:

The kid wanted this. The kid wanted that. The kid thinks this. The kid thinks that.

F**k the kid. What the hell is wrong with my DH. He was looking forward to it and changed it because a 16 year old girl wanted chicken f**king strips? We're not talking about a toddler or a little kid here. This is a teenager. That would have never happened when I was there.

Example #2. I also thanked the kid for remembering to do the dishes. She said she didn't do them, DH did them. I asked why didn't she do the dishes? Her dad worked all day and took her out to eat, why didn't you do the dishes? I got the obligatory "I don't know, I didn't know I was supposed to."

I said kid, you have ONE fricking job when you come over and that is the dishes. You are not a guest. This is not a hotel and we're not cleaning up after you. You get to do the dishes while you're here. Any questions?

And WTF is wrong with DH for not MAKING her do them? WTF is going on? What f**king bizarro universe does our house become when his kid is over there? Why do I even have to question DH's choices? Why did I have to be the one to say something?

I am SICK of being a stepmother. I am sick of DH's behavior. And I am sick of his kid.

I had such a great day at work yesterday. Those are so rare for me. I got home and was feeling good. I walked in the door. They're watching TV, I stood there without a greeting from DH. I waited for the show to get over. I asked a few questions. Then they BOTH got up and left the living room leaving me standing there.

Are you f**king kidding me DH? He started whining about taking a shower. She said she wanted to watch TV. WTF?? And when I said something to DH, he blew up at me and said it was my fault for getting home so late when I know he gets tired.

I no longer believe this BS is going to end in two years when she graduates from HS. And I need to reassess if this is even worth it any longer.

***Updated to add - DH just called me. He's been feeling sick to his stomach all day. He tried to eat breakfast at work and it made him sick. He's skipping lunch and possibly dinner tonight. Gee DH, maybe if you had gone with your choice of place to eat last night this wouldn't have happened. Gee DH, maybe if you hadn't of catered to your precious princess this wouldn't have happened.

I started typing out an email pointing this out to him and realized I was wasting my time. I'm officially disengaging from DH and his spoiled, rotten brat of a kid.

Did I forget to mention that she CHOSE not to come over for Father's Day? Did I forget to mention she didn't even bother to text or call him on Father's Day? Did I forget to mention that he made a special trip to the store to buy her bagels and cream cheese for breakfast? Something neither of us eats? Both were still unopened this morning.

He makes me want to kick him in the balls for allowing his kid to get away with treating him like crap. That is if he actually had balls to kick in.***

Comments

hismineandours's picture

Yes, I know what you mean. My ss14 living here for 4 months turned my dh into a totally different person. Completely! He literally lost his mind. SS14 has been gone for a week and dh is already well on his way to retrieving his mind and turning back into his just slightly odd, obsessive self.

I dont get it either. It's not that my dh does not know how to parent. He parents mine and our children ok. The best he can come up with is that parenting just doesnt work on ss14 (it really sort of doesnt) so he just gives up and hides. He avoids ss so he doesnt have to deal with it, he avoids me becaue he knows what a shittastic thing he is doing, he avoids the other kids because even they knew what he was doing.

I finally just put my damn foot down and said, "no more". He's outta here. The kid cant respect me-you dont know how to stop it, dh-then he doesnt need to be here. Dh said, "ok".

Maybe you could talk to your dh and let him know that his job is to teach her, expose her to different things-not just give in to her whims and go with her choices all the time.

Shaman29's picture

HMAO - I've tried talking to him about this. Especially after Father's Day and what she did to him. He claims he can't fight how Uberskank has brought her up. I agreed but pointed out that he can control how she treats him.

That's why I'm starting to realize this is a losing battle. He will always cater to her wishes without a thought in the world to how it's affecting him.

Like I said in my update, I'd kick him in the balls if they were still attached to him and not in a box in his kid's room.

grs44's picture

Go away? Seriously? It ain't going away....If anyone has advice on how to deal with this I will listen. I have SS23, SS27, SS29,none of my own, and DW still acts goofy when they are around. I have gotten to hate holidays. I can tell when they are coming to visit, as the goofiness begins days before they come, and then DW won't even tell me until the last minute, I just get to deal with the weirdness. That and it seems to me that many "biologicals" lose all sense with kids after a divorce, and move into "Aunt and Uncle" mode, not parenting mode. All bad behavior is "good" or misunderstood, or they are mentally screwed up due to the divorce, they coddle, they buy, they pay, on and on.... It won't go away, not in my experience, and it may get worse. Hate to sound so depressing, but your experience sounds much like mine, and I am about to jump ship. And I thought it would get better when they finally left the house...

Epicure3's picture

Shaman 29, you are pathetic. Did you seriously not know what you were getting into when you got married to this guy? You have a serious chip on your shoulder and you come across as resentful and jealous. Get over yourself. What do you care where he takes her for dinner? If my teenage step daughters did the dishes I would immediately take them to the doctor for mental issues. That's just teenagers. And what's with a the 2 letter acronyms? BM DH SM blah blah blah. You are a nasty piece of work. You obviously hate your husband and his daughter. Sounds like a lonely life ahead for you.