Am I supposed to be obligated to help drop off and/or or pick up stepkids from school/daycare?
My DH has a daughter (9) and son (5) that he shares custody 50/50 with his ex-wife. We either have them 
Wednesday after school/daycare through Friday morning, dropping them off at school/daycare, or (b) Wednesday after school/daycare through Sunday at 6 pm when it is DH's weekend to have his spawn, I mean kids. My DH is trying to pawn part of the responsibility off on me of either dropping them off in the mornings or picking them up in the evenings once school starts in a couple of weeks. The way I see it, they are HIS kids and therefore, HIS responsibility. Without my volunteering, DH wanted me to drop them off at daycare on the weekday mornings we've had them since DH started a new job recently that is a little farther away than his prior job. Unfortunately, these kids screw around in the mornings watching TV and generally goofing off and they aren't ready by 7:35 am when I want to leave. I normally don't feel that I am a selfish person, but I'm not going to be a slave to kids making me late for work because they are being lazy and watching television instead of getting themselves dressed and ready to go in the mornings.
I feel that DH and his ex-wife are in competition with each other and both want to be "Parent of the Year" in the kids' eyes and let their little darlings do whatever they want so as not to disappoint them. They both cater to and overindulge these kids. DH doesn't do enough to get them to focus in the mornings and get ready; therefore, I think it's his problem to drop them off. He is a doting Father and goes on and on about his precious kids all the time, so I don't see why he's trying to force part of this task on me, especially when he has a flexible schedule at work, even with it being a new job. I would think he would welcome the school run because it's extra time being in the presence of his darling kids!
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Selena....this is my same
Selena....this is my same problem....I so feel you pain!! I will refer to the answers you get on this as well!!
Nope not your responsibility,
Nope not your responsibility, it is his. Don't do it. I made the mistake of offering to do it years ago and it didn't work out. I am a person who is not late, ever. The youngest would make me late. She even told the daycare provider, "Violetsareblue always makes me hurry up in the morning and I don't like it, boooohooo hooo." Whatever .. I told her off for it and won't take her again unless DH is deathly ill. It's not worth the hassle.
Thanks for the response! I
Thanks for the response! I am typically a very helpful and giving person. I just don't want to set a precedent that kids are going to lead me around by the nose like they do with my DH and their Mom. I don't see anything wrong or terrible about wanting them to get a move on in the mornings and get out the door in a timely fashion. When I was growing up, my parents were in charge....not the other way around. My sisters and I did not dictate the schedule.
Hello! I can also see it
Hello! I can also see it from both sides.
Side One: My SO's kids have little to no respect for me, and I DREAD the day-- if the day even comes-- when he expects me to pick up his slack w/pick-ups and drop-offs. I feel terrible saying it, but they have two perfectly capable parents, and they can worry about getting their kids where they need to be, not my problem! I just have a feeling it would be similar to your situation-- constantly frustrated, running late, etc. Plus, BM makes such a raging pain in the ass of herself at EVERY possible opportunity, so the mere thought of doing HER any favors makes me see red.
Side Two: My BDs' father and his soon-to-be wife and I all collaborate very, very, very well on any and all issues regarding the kids! BD & I have the vast majority of the responsibility, obviously, but I know she (the fiance) NEVER hesitates to help us out in a pinch. As a matter of fact, they live 45 min away from me and my girls, and they're talking about moving closer; well, the fiance even volunteered that it wouldn't be any trouble to get the girls to school in the AM when they spend the night w/them, b/c it would be after BD & I would have to leave for work (the fiance works overnights). Call it a double-standard, but in MY situation, it doesn't seem like expecting too much, because there's mutual respect among all the adults, AND I know my kids listen VERY WELL to SM-to-be. I don't think you would see her venting here on StepTalk anytime soon, tee-hee.
If your situation is going to cause a constant headache, or jeopardize your ability to get to work on time, I say you are WELL within your rights to refuse to pitch in! If their PARENTS-- ya know, the dude you married and the egg donor :P-- wanna teach the brats accountibility and respect for authority, then maybe you can renegotiate. Don't really see that happening, though, LOL.
Good luck!
14 years ago I did this for
14 years ago I did this for DH when SD started kindergarten because it was half day and she couldn't be dropped off until 11 AM. This was only EO Mon. and every Thur. But I was a SAHM with an infant. Come winter I refused to take DD out in the cold just to make BM's life easier. So DH had to drop her off at daycare on his way to work where she could get the bus to school. BM didn't have a job but we had to pay half of daycare Monday thru Friday 6AM to 6PM so I thought we might as well use it.
I don't think it is your responsibility especially if they could make you late for work. It really is a parents's duty not yours.
A tip for getting them ready on time, no TV in the morning on school days has been the rule in our house from day one. And every time they are late getting ready for school, bedtime is moved back half an hour and wake up time is moved earlier by half an hour. This is part of teaching responsibility for getting yourself ready and at your destination on time.
Unfortunately, I am stuck
Unfortunately, I am stuck with this job as well. SD's school is literally a hop skip and a jump away from my work so there is really no way of me getting out of it without coming off like a total bitch. I have to be to work at 8, she has to be to school at 7:55. DH has to be to work at 9 and his work is 45 minutes away, mine 15 minutes and of course right near the school. So when school starts back next week, On the days we have SD, I'll be dropping her to school, and then picking her up from MIL whose house also happens to be just minutes from my work on my way home. Unless it is a Wednesday, that is one of DH's days off. All part of the joys of being a Step Mom..wooohoooo
Nah, you're not obligated to
Nah, you're not obligated to do any driving. It's a generous favor if you do, and you should absolutely not be volunteered to do it.
I would do what I did, and
I would do what I did, and graciously agree to help with this chore. Just set out your expectations as to what time you are leaving, and stick with it. If they make you late, they can find their own way to school.
This does not mean you are permanently obligated. For a while, I was driving SD to school despite the fact that the school was less than a mile away and she could easily have walked. She was about 11 at the time?
Anyway, it all came to a head one day. I was dropping her off and decided to do it at the corner (half a block away) rather than getting stuck in the long drop-off line in front of the school. Well, that made SD mad. When she got out, I said, "Don't slam the door." So of course she slammed it. We had some choice words, SD said she hated me. Fine.
That night I told DH I was no longer driving his disrespectful, ungrateful child to school. And I never did it again. DH had to make alternate arrangements.
Really? Not your problem. If
Really? Not your problem. If you weren't around, they'd have to figure something out BETWEEN THEM...ie. might be your DH can't see them as much...sorry...not your problem. I don't understand how these men & women remarry and EXPECT the new spouse to be there to help them with THEIR kids...that is THEIR responsibility.
Honestly, last year I did
Honestly, last year I did help with this, and I was never appreciated by either parent. Yes, I married DH but but to not be the next MOM to those kids, shuffling them around. If DH can't manage all that running them all over the place, and they are primarily in my care, then he doesn't need to have 50/50 custody.
I did do this at times for my
I did do this at times for my DH when SD was younger but I was always asked or volunteered - it was not and should not be expected.
If you agree DH should have the kid ready to go so that it does not inconvenience you. I would also make it clear that you are doing him a favor - it better be appreciated & you WILL refuse to do it the first time his darlings make you late for work.