Singleness
I have decided that if this doesn't work out, i am never getting married again. I don't even think I ever want to have a boyfriend again. Relationships are too much work as it is without throwing Schildren into the arena.
I remember when i was single, it was just me & my girls & my life was pretty busy & fullfilling. I had rehearsals two nights a week, soccer practice, met w/the ladies on Saturday mornings. I came & went as i pleased. I owned my own house, I gardened. i read books, went out with friends. I would visit my mother whenever I wanted & went to church on Sunday. After church, a bunch of us friends from church would go out for lunch, every Sunday. We'd take our kids of course. I had all of these things, plus a full-time career, which I still have thank God. I had a Beagle, a Chow & a fluffy white cat, whose hair was not a problem.
Everytime a friend invited me to a wedding or baby shower or I would get invited to a family event, it was never an issue. I could give my answer right away.
Why did I believe that I needed to be married to be a complete happy person? I was already whole & complete.
I see my mom, my father has been dead for 11 years now & mom is doing fabulous. She goes to church on Sunday, she goes places w/ her sisters, Vegas, Mexico. She is always busy. She gardens, whenever she gets a chance, she picks up my girls & takes them to lunch or shopping. She is super-single Grandma & has no desire to be married again. On top of that, she is battling Cancer. but everyday, i talk to her & she has something on her schedule to do. She's awesome! She's happy & content & w/out a man in her life.
One of my aunts, mom's sister, is the same way. And they get to spend as much time wtih their kids as they want to w/out some husband whining & complaining about feeling neglected & unloved.
I just want to grow into an active, vibrant, little old lady, who is at peace, BY MYSELF, who gardens & spends time w/my grandkids & travels, goes to church, & has brunch w/the ladies from church on Sunday. I just want that little patch of peace in my life, to live in a tiny little house w/just enough room for ME & the kids to come by and visit whenever they want, with green grass & a garden & to never have to be bothered by a man again!
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you sound like me
I'm torn between wanting a full life on my own and wanting a full life with my husband...
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
I like what Gloria Steinham said:
"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
I go through the same thing
I miss doing things with BS and me only. I miss that I didn't have to compromise with someone, or change parts of me that I like for someone. I hate that I have bent over backwards and FH stays the same. I prefer quiet and tranquility, yet all 500 of his family members are always in my house. Its fustrating, and add to that the problems we have been having and it makes it all seem like being single was the better option.
The Grass is Always Greener
Yes, I do look back at single life and all of it's freedoms lustfully!!!
But, it's at those times I force myself to remember why I went looking for a relationship in the first place.
When we are single, we feel we need companionship and what it brings.
When we are married, we crave our freedom.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
I would think that now that we have been both, it could be said we would know better what we want. But I don't fully believe that. I feel that our generation(s) as a whole is (are) constantly looking for the next best thing. We are never satisfied. We are never truly happy. It's even more prevalent today among kids. This new game is replaced by that new game which will be replaced next week by a whole new thing.
I am so sorry to hear about your mom's illness, but am completely heartened by the fact that she has such a wonderful life!! She sounds amazing and a great person to know!!
But I can bet you, during her battle, she misses her husband and the comfort that only he could bring her at this time in her life. So, yes, she has it all, except for that.
heck no
My dad was an ASS! Mom will be the first to tell you. He was a good father to us kids, in the sense that he spent time with us. But he was abusive to my mother. But because of my mother's convictions & devotion to God, she just believed that marriage was forever, till death do you part, meaning, just because he's gone, it doesn't mean you are free to re-marry. She stood by my father, when she had every right to leave him, but she endured because of her faith. She doesn't miss him a bit. My mother didn't get any relief from his abuse until Dad finally had a stroke & it left him permanently disabled. Then, poor mom continued to take care of him, even after all he had done to her. He was no longer able to abuse her, but at the mercy of her hands. He had no health insurance, but thank God, he was a veteran. Mom had to liquidate his trucking company to pay off dad's hospital bills. we all had to get jobs to help out & help take care of him while mom STILL went out everyday to work a full-time job. We all did this for 15 years, when God finally heard mom's prayers that she couldn't do it anymore & so He released her & Dad passed away.
But you know what I know about my mom? She has a clear conscience that she did everything that she could. I admire her for being so strong. She's my hero and it didn't make her bitter at all.
Now she's got to deal w/cancer. it's always gonna be something I guess. But she's doing great. She has so much more life in her than she did before, always wanting to do things for us & be with us. I have never known a more giving person.
Oh Schrob!! I had to laugh at myself!
Your mom sounds so wonderful and like such a sweet, strong person! You are so blessed!
I had to laugh because I was thinking, oh Schrob's mom had this great love affair story and probably misses him and maybe I'll make a point about having a long marriage, getting thru tough times, whatever...... and then... uh No Stick... My dad was an abusive ass!!
I'm sorry I got that soooo freakin' wrong!!
Anyway, I hope the point still makes sense for others. But when I read your reply, I had to laugh at myself!
having skids
makes it impossible to have a happy fulfilling life with any man. i want to be single and raise my daughter on my own, as i pretty much do anyways.
but, i cant get up and do it. its hard taking that first step. especially when u have no income, no place to live, no family or friends to help you, and when u are NOT a race that will guarentee u assistance.
what race are u that u can't get
assistance?.....my BM is white and she has never worked a day in her life......welfare, food stamps, etc....so I really don't know what race has to do with it....
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
LOL...huh to me????
I was responding to evil....
"but, i cant get up and do it. its hard taking that first step. especially when u have no income, no place to live, no family or friends to help you, and when u are NOT a race that will guarentee u assistance."
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
duh....LOL
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
a plan
I have a plan for myself. I'm going to continue to give it my best shot, till i'm on the brink of insanity. In the meantime, I'll continue to dump money in my savings. Oldest daughter is trying to get a job where I work to get her own apartment. I figure on bad days, I can just go visit oldest daughter, till i reach the brink of insanity, at that point, i'll move in w/oldest daughter & help her pay rent, then we'll get a bigger place together. Oldest daugher & I have already discussed it.
I know this sounds horrible, but my kids, are my kids, they are the ones who have stood by my side through everything. Everything I go thru, they go thru & they still want me in their lives, & I them.
As for evilbitchstepmom08, you could go on welfare & look for a room to rent from another single mom, then start looking for a job. Divorce DH & get child support to pay for daycare, there are always options if you dare to imagine.
The Question
The question for me is "Is it worth it and would I do it again?" And my answer is no. I'm committed to my marriage to DH. That being said, if I am widowed or he wants a divorce I cannot see myself ever marrying again. I have a great career, good income and I know that I would be happy living by myself.
Glynne
Emergency Fund
I like Schrob01 have an emergency fund. If I have to leave and leave immediatley I have the funds to do so. It's a good plan for me. I don't feel guilty about having the money set aside without my DH's knowledge. It's my moeny and my safety net and most importantly it gives me peace of mind.
Glynne
FH knows I have money socked
FH knows I have money socked away that is my emergency fund. He doesn't like it, but then again, he doesn't have to like it. It's my security in case anything happens to us. Considering my past, I will never be dependent on another person for my well being. He doesn't know how much I have socked away, and he's never asked. If he did, I'd tell him, but it shouldn't matter to him. He does know, however, that I contribute $600 a month to it, so he can probably figure the math.
smart
everytime I get money for birthday,christmas,etc...it goes right into my, "hightail your ass away from this man and his princess! asap!" I also contribute money to it from my check...we keep all our stuff pretty much separated anyway so it's not a secret.
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
I'm just blahhhhhhhhhh
I like glynne's question "is it worth it and would i do it again?" uh...nope. It's not worth it and HELL no I wouldn't do it again. I would stay single and WAIT til snowshyte was a grown woman before taking on the task of even dating dh...I love him and can't stay away but I'd be much happier just dating him and using him for hot sex }:)
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
BLAH
i feel exactly the same way that BBB does. I've thought to myself, why can't we just live in separate households & he can come & visit me & the baby whenever he wants to, stay the night sometimes & then go!
After year #10 of being
After year #10 of being single, my mother suggested that I would have to buy a duplex in order to live with anyone else. Now that I have lived with DH for over two years, I can see why she would have thought that.
I love DH very much, but I have to say my life was less complicated when I was single. If we ever split up I would probably remain single and find myself a nice boy toy.
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine
NO, I WOULD NEVER MARRY A MAN WITH KIDS AGAIN
My DH is a teddy bear. I love him to death. If he didn't have 2 skids and an ex Beast, I would be on cloud 9. If DH dies, I might marry again, but I will make sure he has no kids.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Maybe.....
If SS8 and his mother lived on the other side of the country, I might consider it.