My First Time
So this is my First blog. I only have a few mins so I will add a back story later. I have a SS4 who lives with us most of the time. His mom is EOW now because he started school this year. He was fairly difficult to potty train Mostly I think because he goes from House to House. However he had not pooped his pants for at least 8mo or so and then before school started he spent and entire week with his BM uninterupted for the first time since she left him when he was 14mo. He pooped his pants several times that week and it had not stopped yet and now he his close to being kicked out of PreK because he isn't mature enough. I have tried everything I can possibly think of to deal with this situation. I have taken a million suggestions. Today he got praised non stop and got several treats and surprises because he had used to potty and not his pants all day. However just now at the very end of the day he pooped his pants. I am very sick of the exscuse that he is "having super duper fun" and sick of hearing well maybe he doesn't like going other places. He went in the Auto body garage last week for goodness sakes! and that place was anything but clean!!! Verrrrrrrrrry tired of wiping poop off a 4year old but esp when it is NOT my 4yr old. I do not like diapers ect i do not have a baby yet for this reason. HOWEVER i have been with them (SS and DH) for two and half years and have not EVER EVER EVER not done what needs to be done to take care of this child. But i am at my wits end.
- sbelle's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Welcome, I hope you find this
Welcome, I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and get some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.
We struggled with this for years with our son (my SS). We would have him nearly toilet trained, we would put him on a plane to visit BioDad and he would come home in a nasty diaper with butt rash so bad he had puss filled bumps on his butt and his sphincter so raw it would bleed when we tried to clean him up. Instead of taking him to the potty they would just put a diaper on him in the AM and leave him in it all day. When we would call them on it the excuse was always "we are too busy". Welcome to parenting dip shits!
He would howl when he had to take bath of shower because he was so raw.
This went on until he was 4yo and until we finally had to have our attorney write them a letter informing them that if he came home from visitation again in such condition that we would file abuse and endangerment charges against them. We still have the pictures we took of his bleeding bum, puss filled bumps as well as the Doc reports for each time we took him to have his butt treated for ass rot.
It used to break my heart to hear him wail after he got home from visitation. "Mama/Daddy, I don't want to take a bath/go potty it hurts!!!"
Grrr! I would have loved to shove a funnel up assholes of the SpermClan and filled them up with acid in those days.
Unfortunately for us the only thing that fixed the problem was consistent guidance when he was home with us and time. Lots of time.
Best regards,
I agree with the above
I agree with the above poster. I have a 4.5 year old daughter, she was potty trained at age 2(took a while) and I have a 9 year old SD. After we potty trained our daughter, she didn't have any accidents at all, ever. SD, on the other hand, was wetting her bed until she was almost 5. I think that my SD had trouble at home with her BM and thus, the bed wetting. I believe that your SS is having trouble getting used to seeing his BM again. He may be very unsure about the whole situation and it is making him do the things he is doing. I am no expect, obviously, but I hope this helps at least a little bit
Good luck!
My BS7 started having
My BS7 started having accidents in his pants almost 2 years ago, when he was 5 1/2. He also was not wiping after going potty so he got diaper rash. We couldn't figure out what was going on until one day (March 1, 2009), my son disclosed that he was sexually abused by his big brother (my SS).
We immediately got him to the Dr. who said that it is common for kids to have accidents or stop wiping after something like this because they 1) are embarrassed to touch down there cuz it feels funny 2) it reminds them of the abuse 3) are afraid of it hurting like the abuse did.
Legal action was taken and SS (a victim of Sexual Abuse himself) went to Treatment. Right before SS was getting out, we were getting ready to do a Clarification, which is when my boys, us, and the counselors sit down to talk about what happened, what comes next, and basically what the rules for the future are. Needless to say, right before Clarification was to take place, BS started having 'underwear problems' again. We talked to him, the counselor talked to him and things got better.
SS now lives with us full-time and we have no more accidents and both boys are doing very well.
I'm not saying your SS is a victim of Sexual Abuse, but see if you can find out who he has been around while at BM's house. My SS was told by the kid who abused him to go and 'do it to other kids'.
Knowledge is power!!!
This was extremely reassuring
This was extremely reassuring to hear that other people have been through this. His BM left shortly after he turned 1 and came back again perminetly when he was about 22 mo so she was gone almost a year. When I met my "boys" (ss and dh) SS was calling EVERYONE mommy because he was confused obviously about who the dominate women in his life was supposed to be. Her coming back and getting partial custody was hard for everyone. SS loves his mother dearly souly because well children love their mothers.
We have been through a few adjustment phases with him like night terrors and what not but he really seemed to be adjusting well and then about a month or two ago his BM dropped him off and spoke to BF about catching him putting his finger in his rectum in the shower. His father and I seperately and together had a calm casual conversation about people touching him ect ect and he seems pretty sure that no one does that but I will admit it has crossed my mind more than once. There are hoards of people at BMs house and some people even live their from time to time. There is always a new character in his stories from his BMs house. It's unsettling to say the least.
Again thank you for the imput it has helped!