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I'm losing it.

savemysanity's picture

Submitted by savemysanity on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:01am

If you believe in God, pray for me.

If not, just send me some good vibes or something.

I swear, I'm losing my mind. My heart hurts, my brain obsesses, and I've replaced my coffee with alcohol.

At this point, it's not even the SKs or the BM. Except maybe the residual pain they've left me with....It's just this freaking depression that I can't kick.

Comments

Harleygurl's picture

Submitted by Harleygurl on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:06am

Do you have a counselor or someone to talk to immediately? That's always my saver for moments like this. I have an excellent counselor that will work me in. Going today at 4! But will PRAY FOR YOU!!

savemysanity's picture

Submitted by savemysanity on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:09am

I had a counselor. It's so hard to open up to someone, and I finally made that leap. Then one day I called to reschedule an appointment and the secretary told me that she had "been meaning to call" me because the counselor was no longer accepting my insurance. ugh.

Harleygurl's picture

Submitted by Harleygurl on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 10:51am

So sorry to hear that! I don't know what I would do if that happened with my counselor. Have you tried writing your thoughts down and then literally burning the pages? Get it out and set it free kinda thinking? I saw that you are afraid a wrong word from another StepTalker might put you over the edge. I can understand that.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:12am

I'm sorry. Would it help to vent here? Maybe say out loud (or on screen) what is consuming your brain? I find that the worst part of getting lost inside your thoughts is feeling ALONE.
YOu are NOT alone and we are ALL here to walk you through it, whatever IT is.
Hugs...

savemysanity's picture

Submitted by savemysanity on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:27am

It does help to vent here, sometimes. But I think even one word from even an online stranger could send me over the edge at this point. I messed up BAD last night. I hate me, I hate life, and I just need a break to catch my breath.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:35am

Hmmmm...Ok...May I suggest lacing up some sneakers, throwing on some headphones and going for a walk? I find, that when my mind feels like it's going to explode, I need to get outside. I drive to the neighborhood lake and start walking. By the time I've realized, I've walked 3 miles and I feel a LOT less stressed. Don't hate life savemysanity. Life, as fucked up as it can get, is still better than the alternative. Try and find 3 things that you are thankful for today. Tomorrow add 2 more to that list. Even in my darkest hours, (believe me, I've had my share) I always find something to make me smile.

savemysanity's picture

Submitted by savemysanity on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 2:15pm

Three things I'm thankful for....that's easy, my three wonderful kids. Adding two more things to the list tomorrow may not be so easy.

SituationalTourettes's picture

Submitted by SituationalTourettes on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:12am

I'm in a similar situation. It's not much of a consolation but you're not alone in the depression, the anxiety, the rage, the helplessness.

I will definitely pray for you.

savemysanity's picture

Submitted by savemysanity on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:28am

Situational and SunnyD, anxiety SUCKS. My pulse is constantly over 110 and I feel like I'm having a heart attack. Love isn't worth our health, is it?

SituationalTourettes's picture

Submitted by SituationalTourettes on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:42am

Have any of you been given meds by your doctor to help? I've been on Lexapro for a while. Thankfully there's an inexpensive generic now. I always had panic attacks but the constant drama and shit for last 5 years definitely made it worse. I know some people don't like meds and everyone reacts differently to them. I just saw my doc today and he's raising the dosage one level at my request.

savemysanity's picture

Submitted by savemysanity on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 2:17pm

I take Cymbalta, and it helps, for the most part. It's just really hard to get out of a funk once I fall into it.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 9:58am

I will definitely pray for you and send good vibes your way.

Not knowing where you live, I suggest and ask that you look at your state's department of mental health website and department of health and human services website. Call your local YWCA and ask if they know of any counselors/treatment programs to help you. There are resources out there to help you. Please seek help. You deserve for things to be better.

(((HUGS)))