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Help...so frustrated

sanderso's picture

Submitted by sanderso on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 4:18pm

Well this is a first for me...my first blog that is...lol
Ok so I am a mom of 5 grown children and I have 5 grandchildren. I started having kids very early in my life and divorced about 6 years ago after a very rocky and long relationship. My partner had children with his ex later in life so he has 2 boys they are 9 and 11 and they live with us on a full time basis. I feel like I can't get a break with these 2 boys.I am looking for any and all info anyone can give me about their relationships with their step children and their partners. I feel most of the time that the bio parents have just dropped out and I do all the work and then they come want to be the disneyland parents, which makes me look so bad, and the bio parents are the good guys and at this rate I will never win in this...I am feeling very defeated and frustrated. HELP!!!!!

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mamamomo's picture

Submitted by mamamomo on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 5:12pm

I'm in a similiar situation my SS5 lives with us full time I try to disengage only to end up doing almost all the parenting by myself I love my DH but I am miserable with SS he hates me and I cant say I like him much more. I feel like this kid was dumped off on me and I feel like I am forced to take care of him I wish I would have put my foot down in the beginning and said I am here to back you up I am here for moral support but I will not raise your child. Maybe it's not too late for you to do something about it

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 02/27/2012 - 6:52pm

Step back and let the parents do more. You will never win and they will break you as you try to...Read the disengaging essays, they really help...

sanderso's picture

Submitted by sanderso on Wed, 04/11/2012 - 9:41am

Thanks to everyone who offered their comments to my HELP...SO FRUSTRATED...

WHEN IS IT ENOUGH...

My new dilema this week is with my 9 year old SS, he and his brother were fighting over a video game the other day while I was at the store, dad was playing his own video game with headset on, tuning his children out...UGH!!!
Some how when I walk in I am pulled right into the middle of this fight...the 9 year old played something else when it wa his turn to play and now it was the oldest's turn to play...I tried to explain it to the youngest one who clearly did not want to hear anything I had to say about the matter. This by the way is his reaction to anything that I try to say to him lately...anyways it escalated and the 9 year old SS told me that I MADE HIS LIFE MISERABLE this is not the first time he has been rude and disrespectful to me, actually it is a regular daily thing, he treats me and his brother rudely and has the attitude that he is always right and we are always wrong...and then when dad comes home...he acts like a phoney...he treats us nicely and pretends nothing was ever said or happened. So as of late I have really been trying to hold the SS9 accountable for his words and actions. I do this because I think that if this behaviour is allowed to continue now that it will only get worse as he moves into his teenage years.
Now I was so hurt and upset that I probably should have just walked away but instead I told the SS9 that the only reason I made his life miserable was because I hold him accountable and that he wants to do what he wants and when it does not work the way he wants he blames everyone else, and I left the house.
Also dad was told by the oldest as to what had ocurred...but the SS9 was not grounded, he was not made to apolize, he did not lose any vidoe game privleages...nothing...now what am I to think about that?
It makes me feel like its was ok in his dad's eyes and dad has not broached the subject at all and if that is the case maybe it is time to move on. Maybe it is anyhow...when someone tells you that you make their life miserable...maybe it is time to move on?
Thoughts?????

sanderso's picture

Submitted by sanderso on Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:00am

WHEN IS IT ENOUGH...

My new dilema this week is with my 9 year old SS, he and his brother were fighting over a video game the other day while I was at the store, dad was playing his own video game with headset on, tuning his children out...UGH!!!
Some how when I walk in I am pulled right into the middle of this fight...the 9 year old played something else when it wa his turn to play and now it was the oldest's turn to play...I tried to explain it to the youngest one who clearly did not want to hear anything I had to say about the matter. This by the way is his reaction to anything that I try to say to him lately...anyways it escalated and the 9 year old SS told me that I MADE HIS LIFE MISERABLE this is not the first time he has been rude and disrespectful to me, actually it is a regular daily thing, he treats me and his brother rudely and has the attitude that he is always right and we are always wrong...and then when dad comes home...he acts like a phoney...he treats us nicely and pretends nothing was ever said or happened. So as of late I have really been trying to hold the SS9 accountable for his words and actions. I do this because I think that if this behaviour is allowed to continue now that it will only get worse as he moves into his teenage years.
Now I was so hurt and upset that I probably should have just walked away but instead I told the SS9 that the only reason I made his life miserable was because I hold him accountable and that he wants to do what he wants and when it does not work the way he wants he blames everyone else, and I left the house.
Also dad was told by the oldest as to what had ocurred...but the SS9 was not grounded, he was not made to apolize, he did not lose any vidoe game privleages...nothing...now what am I to think about that?
It makes me feel like its was ok in his dad's eyes and dad has not broached the subject at all and if that is the case maybe it is time to move on. Maybe it is anyhow...when someone tells you that you make their life miserable...maybe it is time to move on?
Thoughts?????