My partner and I have been together for 5 years. He has one son and one daughter (in her teens). He does not have a relationship at all with his daughter, but that is a whole other story. I have one daughter (in her teens), and we have two toddlers together.

I have a very civil relationship (even friendship) with my ex and we coparent our daughter efficiently and effortlessly. 

My partner and his ex (mother of the 6 year old) on the other hand. His ex is a very difficult women and very high conflict.

I will try and explain the best I can as simply as I can but it is a very long history of complication between my partner, his ex, and I.

My partner and his ex were married, they then seperated while she was pregnant. He has never lived with nor had a close relationship with his son. 

Before we got together my partner went through some dark times and a very rough patch, during that time he was not the best parent to his son and was not even the best human being. 

Years later, after he & I got together & two kids later, he is an amazing, wonderful and hands on dad.

He has tried time and time again to repair his relationship with his son. This has been made extremely difficult by his ex. I am not convinced she is a terrible person, and hell I understand why she does SOME of the things she does especially after knowing the way he was & acted previously, but he has come so far and is a completely different person. 

At first her problem and the thing she could find fault in was my partners past and critising his actions and behaviour (none warranted btw), but now I think she sees he has changed his ways so now she has found something else to be negative about...me.

Right at the very beginning I wanted to have a relationship with her, I wanted as all to get along for the sake of SS6 and for us to be a united front and support system for one another. She did not want that. She did everything she could to push back.

Fast forward many negative and difficult years with her being a high conflict birth mother (so many years of things I can't even begin to list) and she all of a sudden changed her tune and wanted to be civil (here I am thinking AMAZING, at last). 

Things started to get a little better and we were all a part of a direct messaging group for the sake of SS6 communication. After yet another incident (or three) I removed myself from the group and took a step back to regain composure for my mental health. After time went on I decided to try again repair things (for the sake of SS6 & all the kids). Fast forward again....something else happened, another disagreement, another conflict so I decided to remove myself and take a permanant step backwards. Well, this sparked even more conflict. After fielding messages about being insecure and unstable (all because I removed myself from the group) I then decided to be honest and tell her I was struggling with my mental health and post natal depression and thought it would be best to stay out of the direct communication for my own health. 

After opening up and being honest with her she then turned around and said that I am insecure, unstable and I can not be trusted to be left alone with SS6. I was devasted - I still am! This caused a huge amount of stress & conflict between my partner and I. I told him that I did not feel comfortable with SS6 at our home. Time passed and after much reassuring and convincing from my partner SS6 came over for another visit. 

During his visit we were all in the living area in our home and my partner stepped out of the room, in that instant my SS6 looked so scared and said, 'I am not allowed to be left alone with ---'.

This absolutely broke my heart. Not only did BM have the nerve to say to my partner that I can not be left alone with SS6 but now she had exposed her son to that too. 

This leaves me with where I am today......I have told my partner that I do not want my children and I to have a relationship with his son. I have told him I do not mean forever. I have told my partner right from the beggining that he needs to get a court order. A court order cements his rights and a visitiation schedule. It takes away all the ridiculous backwards and forwards with his ex and all the high conflict drama she creates. Every time I think about her it makes me so mad. She doesn't know who I am as a person at all, yet she has the right to talk about me and to say that I can't be trusted alone with her child! I am sorry but if you are in my house there is a high chance you could be left alone with me, especially with my partner parenting our two toddlers. I really wanted a mutual and civil relationship with us all but now I am at the point I want to be selfish and not be forced to be a part of a situation that causes me so much heartache.

This whole situation is so violtile and unstable for my toddlers.I do not want them getting any closer or more attached until things are stable and a court order in place. I feel like in their lives they have only seen their half brother a handful of times and they do not have a close bond with him...yet. I want to withdraw and take myself and my kids out of the picture until my partner and his ex get their shit together!

I am not stopping my partner having a relationship with his son, I am not saying that. I just want him to do it one on one until things get better and more stable. Then if things improve and/or a court order is put in place then things will be different.

I have done my best to decribe a fraction of the situation I am facing but I know there are still alot I have missed.

I just need help....am I a horrible person for wanting to cut my SS6 from my life?? Am I selfish for wanting to protect myself and think about myself first (for once --- I have always been extremely supportive and encouraging)?? Am I a weak and immature person for taking this all to heart (this is what BM has said to be a number of times)??

I am ready to hear what you would do in my situation and any advice you can give me.

Thank you, ladies.