It's Day 3 since Disengagement and it feels like forever. The household seems to have settled into a relatively peaceful Disengagement Pattern. Bf usually comes home in the early-ish evening and even helped me with chores last night. Conversation is congenial, tho nothing more than chatter and small talk. SS has been helping out at a local farm and doesn't arrive home until almost bedtime. I make sure supper is prepared in the kitchen, go to my room and close the door. Ss is still keeping his door closed (a record stretch!), which makes it more comfortable for me if I need to go to the bathroom or kitchen during the night. We haven't spoken to one another since he discovered I'd put his bed back and left him the note (http://www.steptalk.org/node/48935).

Bf is still sleeping on the couch, though I've never said he was banished from our bedroom. A couple of times, last night being one, he's strolled in around midnight and exclaimed, "Sorry, I didn't know you were awake" and leaves as fast as he appeared. Is that like, code for "I only want to be in the bedroom with you if there's no possibility we might have to talk"?

I'm not feeling well. Almost seems as if I have a bladder infection in the works. Haven't had one of those since pregnancy with my firstborn 30-some years ago. Will pick up grapefruit, cranberry and/or pineapple juice tomorrow and hope it does the trick. Woke up with my throat hurting. Not sure if it's all the cigarettes I've been puffing on or something more. Sleeping well and taking my vitamins couldn't hurt and might actually help with that.

Had a long chat with my youngest daughter (22) this afternoon and she surprised me a little. She's doesn't care for bf and calls him a "soul sucker." Has requested that I not bring bf to her family's home because of how she feels about him. It was funny when she told me that because she expected me to argue or be upset w/her. I simply agreed.

Anyway, dyd (darling youngest daughter) listened sympathetically as I told her of my disengagement and the events leading up to it. When I was done, she asked me if there was any way for me to do what I'm doing so that in some small way, we might still feel as if we're working together as a team or on the same page? Huh? I asked her to explain. What she told me, in essence, is that yes, some of bf and ss's behaviors are quite egregious and inappropriate. However, they have no motivation to change those undesirable behaviors if I'm sitting over them like I'm perfect and they're f-ups. Good point, even though I'm not sure if I have the desire or motivation to put it to use presently.

For now, I'm doing my best to shake off having allowed bf and ss so much control over my life and feelings. Who am I and what do I want?