The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree: Note to all Steps....
I want to vent but now that I have the opportunity to, it seems as though it would be pointless... Venting, I have been doing to myself for the last four to six years and it has not made a difference. I realize after all these years that I want something out of my SS that he will not be; a self motivated, congenial, responsible, accountable, self sufficient adult. Looking unfortunately at BOTH biological parents, it is not going to happen. "The apple didn't fall far from the tree", and what has fallen is rotten generationally. I can't fix what has been broken for decades, but I can stop it from consumming me and taking away from myself and my young daughter. As they both tell me, it's my fault , fill in the blank, it doesn't matter what the topic.... Maybe they were right.... I tried to give a man and his son the opportunity to have a new and bright life, a hand up. What I think that they wanted was merely a hand out..... Maybe three is the charm.
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Agreed. My SD 17 is a
Agreed. My SD 17 is a product of her parents and somehow my DH thought if he married me and brought her into my family at 15, I could 'ReMother' her into a decent person. She has the character flaws that he at 39 is still trying to correct in himself. BM is 38 and hasn't begun to become self-aware and likely won't. Her daughter is a carbon copy of her and idolizes her. Some people think being choked near to death, and various other types of abuse are all OK as long as there is some payoff like a trip to the mall or a nice meal and some ass kissing when it's all over...who are we to come in and tell them their life is "WRONG"? That's who they are....we can't change them. As stepMothers, we are just a big chum bucket for them to throw all their ugly stuff into so they don't have to carry it anymore. What's remarkable to me is how they talk us into doing it again and again and then still blame us when it all goes south....wish someone could explain that one to me.
Sara, Is this more of the
Sara,
Is this more of the "smart women" foolish choices? Did we really think we were going to "change" our men? That with our love and support, they would achieve all those dreams that the ex stole from them? I'm tired of being Florence Nightingale..... I do not know your circumstance, but this Flo gets to go to work every day while hubby is working on his business. So on top of hubby on the sofa, I never know when son will be joining him also unemployed with a hand out.... Hope yours is a better world.
Noop....not really. I mean,
Noop....not really. I mean, my DH does earn a decent living and helps with bills, but he spends every cent he makes and hates his work...so procrastinates. We have money disagreements mostly because he won't behave with it and thinks I should take it over for him, but I know he'll just end up bitter if I give him an allowance or tell him no he can't have something....when it comes to trying to talk him into saving for retirement he prefers to put on his denial hat and speak in black and white terms....like 'I will die before I retire' or 'If I need to save, I'll have to work more and I hate work'....stupid stuff like that.
SD 17...yes, she will have her hand out soon enough and probably often throughout the rest of her life...unless she does like her BM and actually finds some abusive SOB that's loaded and agrees to trade her dignity and self-respect (and kid also) for a roof and three squares plus whatever bones she's thrown. She used to actually cry and whine when she had to go to work....and she didn't get a job until she was well into 17th year, when we basically forced her to in order to be able to drive.
I think it is that we figure somehow we can change them or have an effect...I know with my DH he has convinced me he wants to change and has some...SD on the other hand...no....he wanted me to change her, tried to force me to try...I always knew better but tried to believe he knew more about his kid than I did. I can easily wash my hands of being responsible for her now that she moved out....but it was hard when she was in my home crapping on me and my kids everyday.