First of all, I am so relieved to have stumbled across this site. I have been needing to vent and needing some assurance that there are other women going through the exact same situation(s). I am very new to this whole step-parenting thing. My parents have been married for 23 years, never divorced, and all of my relatives have stayed married to their spouses. I cannot wrap my head around the relationships in step families so needless to say I am having a very rough time with this. I will begin with how I met him husband and the events leading up to our marriage. This does have a point and eventually I will get to being a step mom but I think it is important to read the back story to be fully aware of the depth of the situation, all of the emotions and events involved make a huge impact.
I think this is normal, but when I was dating I did not want to date a man who had already experienced life - a marriage and/or children. I had dreams of experiencing life for the first time together and being excited about the unknown events life has to bring. When my (now) husband walked into my life I had no idea he had kids. I fell in love with his funny and intelligent personality instantly. I had no idea what I was in for. We dated, I found out he had been seperated for a couple years (not divorced, but he still thought dating was okay) and that he has two kids that live with him year round, they don't visit their bio mom. I don't know why but I continued to date him. I think I thought that it wasn't a long term thing, which is horrible to admit, but I think that's what I was thinking, otherwise I was too blinded by "love", or "infatuation" maybe?, at that point to care. So, we dated for a few months, we became intimate, I was on the pill and I got pregnant anyway. I was mortified. I was not ready for children and I most certianly was not ready for children with a man who had already experienced the birth of a child, etc etc. I took about 5 EPT tests to make sure; I was in denial. I finally accepted it. I wasn't sure what to do, I didn't think I wanted to marry him just because I got pregnant. My parents told me I didn't have to, we would work things out (meaning living with them). Things were less than desirable at home - I was 20 and had a curfew even though I had a good job, had attended college, and had my own transportation - it was ridiculous. I thought about it carefully and was sure I wanted to marry him because I loved him - not because I was pregnant or I wanted to escape my mediocre family life. He proposed to me about a week after he divorced his wife. I was excited and we planned to marry in a few months before the baby was born. I was working the entire time I was pregnant and dating him, I spent maybe a couple hours a week around his two kids. So I thought being a step parent would be okay. At the time I was not aware that they would never go to see their bio mom and that she would hardly be involved in their lives. Baby's upset, I will update later!