SD15 may have gone too far!

Please tell me I am overreacting. Please. Backstory..She has lied to a boy about her age and he could get into trouble for having a relationship with her. DH and I put a kibosh on this when we found out how old he was. He is in her grade though and it's why we assumed he was close to her age. They are no longer supposed to communicate. Her phone has been taken away. I looked through her phone today and found that she has communicated with him via a friend of her's phone. That isn't the worst part. She told this nearly grown man she was pregnant with his baby and even has an ultrasound pic (I believe she created it though) and that she then miscarried the baby. She had nude pictures on an app we didn't know was on phone. I am sure they were sent to this boy if not others. I really am at a loss for what to do. DH husband is also. She just keeps lying and I don't know if we need to teach her a lesson at this boys expense. DH told him to leave his daughter alone. He has not.

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Your DH needs to leap into

Your DH needs to leap into action lock her down. Cell phones are available that will restrict who your SD can contact. Such as NO ONE except family.

If she was pregnant and miscarried, there is a doctor's record somewhere. Who covers her medical care? DH can take her to a doctor for tests.

DH can ultimately report this man-boy to the authorities.

She has no phone and can only

She has no phone and can only go to and from school by herself. We can report him to authorities but she lied to him. We thought it was all him but really it was her.

She needs an IUD too

Is on birth control.

Time to make a police report.

Time to make a police report. I'm guessing the age difference is enough for a statutory rape allegation. That'll put the kibosh on it, likely permanently--nudes to him? He'll be convicted of having child porn. Has anyone even talked to your SD prior to this what's acceptable behavior and what isn't? Her behavior reeks of borderline type disorders, trying to trap a guy by telling him she's pregnant when she's not is crazy behavior.

A therapist will be in order.

^^^This^^^ My DH's youngest

^^^This^^^

My DH's youngest daughter was hypersexual, lied constantly, and led a rich fantasy life. She went through four different therapists, fooling the first three.

Please vet the therapist carefully. We had no previous experience to go by, but if we could go back in time, DH & I would interview the professional first and fill them in on the issues. We also found that a male therapist was a better fit for SD. She was very good at playing the poor, neglected innocent, and tugging on the maternal heartstrings of her female therapists.

She'll be charged with

She'll be charged with sending child porn.

Talking to DH about a

Talking to DH about a therapist. He is not in agreement yet. She is acting just like her crazy BM though. So she definitely needs one.

Then don't settle for less

Then don't settle for less than a child psychologist, and be sure to tell them about the history of mental illness in your SD's extended family.

In fact, it would be great if you could write down all pertinent info - SD's background, description of her behavioral issues and age at which they began, family history of instability - and give a copy to the mental health professional. You are likely the most objective person involved with her, and can give a more balanced opinion. You may not get a definitive diagnosis due to your SD's age, but it's a place to start.

Take necessary measures to

Take necessary measures to get him away from her. Although, if she isn't doing it with this one, something tells me she will find another...

If he's a "nearly grown man",

If he's a "nearly grown man", he's not eighteen. Seventeen?

SD's father needs to contact the guy's parent/s , show proof of the teens communications with each other. Hopefully his parent will put the fear of the devil into him wile Dad deals with SD.

Whoever above that said if not this male teen, it'll soon be a different one is likely correct. Dad needs to get his daughter on birth control along with arming her with facts on sexual diseases and teen pregnancies and single motherhood. You can lock down her electronics but unfortunately you can't sew her legs together... if she's of the will, there's a way to sneak around you and Dad.

I believe he does. I have

I believe he does. I have asked him several times to contact this guys mom. I am not sure why he is so hesitant. The mother needs to be made aware of the dangers that these young girls (my SD15 mainly) present to her son.

As someone else said get in

As someone else said get in touch with his parents, maybe they an put the fear of dog into him.

No you don't teach her a

No you don't teach her a lesson at the boy's expense. That is awful! Deal with your slutty sd, if it isn't this kid it will be another and the fact of his birthday makes the cut off to saddle him with a lifelong charge is wrong. It sounds like she continues to chase him down your post didn't mention that he is chasing her down or even responding to her desperate attempts to keep this going through the pg story or nude pics. It might be more one sided at this point. I do agree with the poster that said contact his parents so they can deal with him.

What grade are these kid in and how old are they? If they are in the same grade they are likely the same maturity level.

He has been informed now of

He has been informed now of how old she is. He said she told him she was 16. She admitted to it.

If I were you, I would

If I were you, I would contact the boy. Let him know who you are, tell him how old sd is and that as far as you know she was not, is not, and has never been pregnant. I'd also tell him that you have forbidden her from contacting him. Then I would copy it to his parents. I seriously doubt that the parents of this kid want their son to be a teen dad.

As far as your sd goes, I'd take away her cell phone, computer, iPad, and car keys if she has any. No more unsupervised anything - dh takes kid to school and picks her up. Contact all of her teachers and tell them that they are to call you if she is not in class. Nail her windows shut and put her on the depoprovera shot. She can go get herself knocked up at 18 but not under my roof. Then I'd ground her with a crying robotic baby until the end of eternity and make her watch documentaries of actual births every night. Not being a smart ass. Totally serious - I assume you guys have done everything you can up to this point. Time to get creative.

Well, if this guy is stupid

Well, if this guy is stupid enough to keep playing with fire after the girl's father has told him to stay away, then he deserves whatever comes his way. That may be a good kick in the ass from dad, being labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his life, spending the rest of his life dealing with a crazy BM. ..All because he can't keep his hands(and other body parts)off of the piece of young, stupid ass that is chasing behind him.

DUMB, DUMB, DUMB

I hear ya, it was stated he

I hear ya, it was stated he was told her age, told to stop, and he didn't. Unless he's a minor, he deserves whatever the hell he gets. I look at 15 year old's and I'm like... are there people who actually find them attractive? Like, sexually? Other than their own peers?

It makes me shudder, they look like babies to me, and I'm only in my late twenties.

I feel like that as well. He

I feel like that as well. He was told to stay away he did not stop communicating with her. I am leaving the ball in DH court.
When she is done up she looks every bit of 25 years old. Has all the equipment a grown woman has. It would be very difficult for a man to tell how old she is.

I guess if this boy(I'm

I guess if this boy(I'm guessing maybe a 17 year old to this girls 15?) deserves a lifelong and life destroying conviction for this relationship with this girl in his grade who is very much a pursuer and won't let it go she likewise should be marked for her entire life for sending pornographic images and perhaps spend some time in juvie. That or dad bucks up and starts parenting his daughter and her problems (who he will not be able to solve the problem just by ruining some 19 year old's life when daughter is 17 or 20 year old guys life when girl is 18, etc..,). Girl sending nudes and playing i'm pg games? Girl no longer has access to ANY unsupervised electronic device, no longer goes to friends homes since she can't be trusted, gets extreme levels of supervision, etc.., perhaps even transfer to a different school.

imo Dad should review is she watching a steady diet of crap tv like the pg teenager shows that glorify this, and other reality crap. Done with that. She doesn't need a phone. If she is at school and needs to get a hold of mom and dad she can use the school office phone. This girl's problems are not going to disappear by teaching her that a guy a couple years older than her (that she lied to about her age) is the one that needs to take the blame, in fact that is likely to encourage her that she is not responsible.

I don't think you should ruin

I don't think you should ruin the boy's life with rape charges when SD is clearly the one running around him half cocked and ready to rumble. Her pretend baby and miscarriage and lieing about her age, IMO are the more serious things to deal with right now because, let's be honest, if it wasn't this overage boy then it will probably be his bestfriend or his neighbor if you get my drift. She needs therapy. She needs to talk to someone about why she wants older boy's attention so badly she lies to them about her age, being pregnant, miscarrying...all very adult things. I agree she should be put on birth control since she's obviously having sex-can't scam a boy into thinking you're pregnant by him if you haven't had sex with him. I would also have your DH go to the school and make them aware of the situation. If the boy is in any of her classes, have her move to another one. Usually in my state and hometown, a "child" turning 19 can be sent to GED school by the High a School Principle if he/she is causing a disruption with other students AKA having inappropriate relationships with underage girls against their parents wishes. You can try that route and see if the principle can also have the counselor talk with the boy. If your DH goes up there and explains that he has cut off her contact with him except for when she is at school then I would think the principle could be held responsible to make sure the two aren't canoodling on campus at the risk of the school being held accountable.

I don't want to ruin the boys

I don't want to ruin the boys life at all. If he will stop communicating with her then he will not have to worry about that. DH husband needs to talk to the school but I can barely get him to talk to her about what she did. He still hasn't spoken to boy's mom to warn her about how is age (18 in Feb) could get him in trouble dating 14 and 15 year old girls.

I have experience with this

I have experience with this type of kid--sounds a lot like my youngest bio. I won't go into gory detail but the low point of my many efforts to check her came when she was 14. Under the direction of a police detective, I recorded her 23-year-old boyfriend (who'd previously done time on a statutory rape charge) saying things that landed him in prison for another two years. She simply found another loser and carried on with her bad self.

At the risk of being a Debbie Downer, I have to warn you she will end up frustrating your best efforts to save her from herself. You and most especially her father have begun to play a hard game of whack-a-mole with this kid, and I would advise you to prepare yourselves to lose. I'm not even sure you can forcibly medicate her with contraceptives; depends on the MD you take her to. Shrinks may make everyone feel better for awhile; they may even stop a particularly egregious episode or two. Of course make any effort you are required to or that will make you feel better. But in the long run professionals of all stripes are pretty much as helpless as you are. I'm not sure what gets into these kids, but once they start down this road everyone has to just ride it out. Things will eventually, as in several years to a decade, calm down. After that, if you are anything like me, you will end up spending the next 30 or 40 years giving her side-eye every time she opens her mouth in your presence. It's not fun.

What you do is cover your own ass, and encourage your DH to do the same. You have at least several years of a very bumpy ride. Remember that this kid is not your problem, except as she affects DH, which will be a lot. She is going to do severe damage to herself, hurting you and DH along the way, and you need to be prepared for that emotionally and practically. Depending on how your DH reacts to all this--will he be firm with his sweet little girl, or be a Disney Dad?--your marriage may end up in trouble. Either way both of you are in for a rough ride emotionally and practically. Plan to communicate extensively and hide the silver for at least the next several years.

I would advise you as the step mom to bow out as much as you can. Let your DH deal with it, supporting him and covering his back. This is going to be tough, and I wish you all, even your hideous SD, the best.

Wow, thank you for sharing.

Wow, thank you for sharing. It's probably deeply personal and hard to even talk about.

Do you know what might have set her off? Do you think there was anything anyone could have done to prevent it from happening in the first place?

Glad you got that perv locked up though. 23 effing years old. How effed up in the head must he be to even entertain a 14 year old.

You're welcome. You're

You're welcome. You're right--it is kind of upsetting to talk about, but at the same time good to be able to vent, especially in a place where it might do someone some good. AHEM! Listen up, people, please!

I don't know what set her off. Her two older sibs are complete and total wrecks as well. In hindsight my ex and I should have given each other a very wide berth. There is mental illness--not padded-room-state-institution mental illness, but a deep, wide trough of very very neurotic behavior--on both my side and their Dad's. Our divorce was ugly, and all 3 of our offspring were subjected to years of PAS from him and his side of the family. (Interestingly enough, my family listened to me vent but otherwise stayed out of it.) So the kids were pretty much doomed from the get. He was the ultimate Disney Dad and I was the ultimate Big Bad Mother, trying to hold the line against chaos.

For some reason they get offended when I tell them that I plan to spend every cent I've managed to accumulate before I die, and if there's any left over it's going to Planned Parenthood. Go figure.

This is some of the most

This is some of the most valuable and brutal truth I've seen on this site. I salute you Miss T, and wish I could hug you.

Thank you so much for this

Thank you so much for this story. I has been at it over 2 years and I must say she continues to just get worse. Things have escalated fromwhat she might do to doing them. I would love to bow out but I am the only female perspective they have. If I don't at least try to tell her of the dangers over and over I feel like I have failed.

I've been in your shoes, and

I've been in your shoes, and that's why I didnt recommend disengaging. This skid needs professional help.

DH and I were completely out of our depth with YSD. There was no handbook for parenting a mentally ill teen back then, and I don't think any of the professionals we consulted considered SD's genetic predisposition for mental illness (mother bipolar, mother"s mother institutionalized, paternal ggrandmother and grandmother were unstable). There's so much more awareness and info available today, maybe you can find an online support group?

I wanted to scare the crap

I wanted to scare the crap out of her and tell her I would call the police on her for having child porn. DH did not think that was a great idea. I do feel like a warden. Like an oppressor. It's not a fun feeling.

Ah, that's the rub, isn't it?

Ah, that's the rub, isn't it? We are expected to cope with the insanity, but not do anything about it or hurt the skid's fee fees.

It's like your household is being held hostage.

First step is to get the skid some QUALIFIED help. Then you can work on getting your H to accept that his precious has serious issues.

I try to disengage but am the

I try to disengage but am the only female presence in the house. Heck he would not even police her phone if it wasn't for me. He is so weak when it comes to her. She was a mini- wife until I came along. She was okay with me being the woman of the house though because she desperately wants a positive female in her life. I am deathly afraid she is going to really mess up some young mans life. She has no FB account because last year some 27 year old guy was sending her pictures of his penis. The guy thought she was older because her FB said she had a job and did not go to school. DH believes me because I put that crap right in his face.
I will talk to DH about the pregnancy thing. We have not really discussed it yet. I will not raise her baby. Heck, I don't always want to raise them but I do. You are absolutely right abut the fact that she does not stay at home if she gets pregnant. Yes, I would be out if he decided to support her for getting knocked up.
It is so hard because I know she is getting a lot of attention from guys because she looks grown. Her brain is not able to handle what her body looks like it can. Unfortunately, she is to dumb to realize this.