It is great to have a forum where you can share your experiences and get feedback from other people who's experiences are similar. However, there comes a time when you have to get REAL and ask FOR WHAT YOU WANT instead of venting.

Abscent fathers have enormous guilt so they overcompensate by throwing money at their children and not giving them any clear boundaries for fear of 'not being liked'. They also take on the role of 'friend' to their children which is not healthy. Children need parents, not friends. I often wonder if parents didn't split up, would they parent differently than they do now they are apart.

The father (or abscent parent) create this unhealthy relationship. Children do what works. Girls especially are very adept at manipulating their father's and playing on the guilt. The men don't see it, whereas the SM instinctively see's it, after all we also are female! I have personally witnessed relationships between fathers and daughters where the daughter has taken on the pseudo role of wife/mother and has bordered on uncomfortable intimate behaviour that you would not accept as a mother if your biological daughters were behaving like that to their own fathers.

The key is a husband that supports you 100% as your partner. If you haven't got this, then nothing will change. Before you marry or commit yourself to someone who has children you need to sit down and work out a plan on how YOU BOTH will run the blended families i.e. money, boundaries, discipline etc. Something we sadly neglect in the rose tinted glass stage of the relationship.

I believe the adults are the pack leaders of the family and the children, his/yours/both of yours are next in the pecking order. The letters on this forum are about father's who are running the house with their children and putting their wives second. The children will all grown up and get their own lives one day and you will be left with each other. The key is the relationship.

It is better to be alone and healthy alone than in a relationship that is unhealthy.

ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT! Good luck.