Does the BM in your life INTERROGATE the Skid?
When BM picks up SD on Sunday after the week long custody DH has, inevitably, a barrage of calls and texts begin about why A, B, and C did or did not happen.
Does the BM in your life interrogate your Skid when transfer of custody takes place?
Maybe it's because this whole half and half custody is still fairly new and BM is having issues adjusting. But what the hell, wouldn't you rather hug and kiss your child because you've missed them rather than interrogating them? She complains that she misses her daughter SO MUCH, she just doesn't know what to do through the week, but then interrogates and then texts and calls DH cursing and angry for an hour after picking her up. How is that missing your kid so much if that is the first thing you do?
- Rainbow.Bright's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
BM used to do that. The
BM used to do that. The moment we dropped SD off the fight was on.......and it usually lasted for a while! It was why didn't you do this, why did you let HER do that, etc. We got to the point that after dropping her off we would have to shut our phones off.
But then we felt like we were letting SD stand in the line of fire alone. And the anger that would certainly brew from her not having DH at her beck and call would be ridiculous. So usually we just delt with it.........so she wouldn't have to.
I don't know why they do that.
When I see my son after a visit with his dad its hugs, kisses, hugs, kisses, etc! LOL! I guess I do ask him alot of questions though.......where did you go, who did you see, did you have fun, what did ya eat, did you do anything super cool? Normal mom stuff though, just wanting to know what my child did when he wasn't with me.
Granted, last time when x dropped him off and I found out that he had taken my son to a part where some crazy dude went nuts and started shooting at the wall, yeah, x got a nasty phone call!
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
I mean, yes, I can
I mean, yes, I can understand if your child's life is being endangered. There needs to be a call. But really? "Why didn't you let her call me?", "Why is she wearing pants too big?", "Why didn't you take her to activity 1, 2 or 3?"
We are going to need to start turning his phone off. While it is kind of like abandoning SD to her mother's anger, maybe SD will get sick of it and realize what a psycho her mom is. Does that sound mean? I'm not trying to be heartless.
No, not mean. Just maybe a
No, not mean. Just maybe a little risky. DH and I have been told time and time again that when BM starts acting nuts to turn off the phones, don't talk to her, etc. And while in theory it is perfect, in real life it's hard for us to do. When I know my SD is somewhere bawling her eyes out because her mom is being terrible to her I can't help but feel for her, and want to be there for her.....even if it is only on the phone. And while I hate having DH on the phone with her at midnight on a Friday night arguing, I would hate it more if all that anger was being taken out on SD. He's a big boy, he can handle it. SD, not so much.
If she wouldn't take it out on SD I would say yes, turn the phones off. If doing that is going to make it worse on her.........it's your call. I'm just saying that's how we feel about it.
I know alot of other people just can't stand the BS and have no choice but to turn the phones off. So I understand that viewpoint to. It's just not the one that we take.
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
I ask tons of "light and
I ask tons of "light and fluffy" questions of choochoo when he gets back from dads. No intimidation or interrogation though. he gets a positive smiley response from me and we move on. Only time I call the ex after talking to choochoo is when I find out he didn't get a shower at all or the ex wasn't feeding him regularly,or when he doesn't give choochoo his pill every morning.
Then the fight is ON.
Thefrizz interrogates SD to the point where she's in tears. if she says ANYTHING about me...frizz pounces on it like a rabid beast.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
Yes, there is a definite
Yes, there is a definite line between caring for the child and being inquisitive about their well being, and being a psycho freak that mentally terrorizes the kid. I don't know how she can stand to see her 'princess' (in a baby voice...pwincesssss) in mental anguish from her terrorist activity, but she apparently doesn't care.
YES!!! Or at least she used
YES!!! Or at least she used to. We have 50/50 every other week custody too. Our switchout day is Friday. So on the Friday they went back to her house, she would set up her laptop at her desk and pull up a chair for the kids to sit. One at a time, she would ask them a series of questions, and she would type it all down.
"Did your brother call OneHappyGirl Mom this week?"
"Did you play with Spongebob and Starr?"
"Did Spongebob touch you inappropriately?"
The list goes on and on. I found this out when I was taking the girls (SD9 and BD9) out for lunch. KittyCat (SD9) told me all kinds of stuff that day.
We are above reproach, and there's nothing she can do about anything in the way we raise our children. I do discipline my S-kids, but I never spank them. I leave that for DH to do.
______________________________________
Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
Awesome. At least I know I'm
Awesome. At least I know I'm not alone in this. I absolutely hate it. We hate hearing anything about BM, so we NEVER ask questions. When she talks about her mom, we don't stop her, and say the customary, "Oh really, wow. Cool. Uh huh" type stuff but never try to get more info on someone we can't stand. ugh. I just don't get it.
I think it's all about control. They don't have that control so they try to get it in any way possible.
YES! Our BM turns into a
YES! Our BM turns into a Guantanamo interrogator....she keeps going until she gets the answers she wants from SD, just so she has reasons to call & complain. Its sick IMO.
Yes she does. And it pisses
Yes she does. And it pisses me off because it always leads to a barrage of text messages to BF about how horrible I am and how dirty our bathroom is and this and that. God, I can't stand it.
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Oh yes! BM starts in on SS13
Oh yes! BM starts in on SS13 the minute he gets in her car & like you the texts start within an hour of picking up! She doesn't do it to SD11 because SD11 hates me anyway and will tell BM what she wants to hear, whether it be truthful for not!
BM really needs to get a life, and move one. FH & BM have been divorced now going on 9 years this year! And BM has been remarried for 8 of those. I have only been with FH 2 years......ya getting the picture here! Jealousy is what fuels our BM. The SKids have told FH through out the years of how BM & SD fight, how SD got drunk and pounded on the hood of the car and BM had to call the cops, it was a continous circus!
It really pisses BM off when she asked about us fighting and both kids can honestly tell her we don't fight, and neither of us yell. How dare we have a loving happy normal relationship! And how dare we show that to the skids and my bkids, that life is not always about chaos! lol We are bad parents for wanting our kids to grow up and have healthy relationships that dont consist of one partner controlling the other!
Interrogate? More like
Interrogate? More like debriefing! :evil:
I found out the hard way. In court, UberSkank relayed conversations I had with step-demon verbatim, out of context and used to make me look bad.
So now my conversations with step-demon are minimal. Hello, do you want popcorn for the movie, how's school, how are your sisters, goodbye. If she tries to illicit an opinion from me, I always turn it back to her with a question. If she starts talking about UberSkank, I change the subject.
Recently she's been trying to talk about UberSkank's financial woes with us. I ALWAYS change the subject on that one!
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine
OMG I hope my SD never grows
OMG I hope my SD never grows to be like that. That's terrifying. Having a mini BM in my home. OMG I would lose it!
O YES!!!! She does it every
O YES!!!! She does it every time, that is , in my opinion, why SD acts up so much when she is here.. SHe is afraid if she behaves and actually has fun that BM will get mad.. When she does go home and says something positive about here, BM turns it around on us and makes it seem like DH is trying to "win SD over" ... and she will interrogate SD until she finally breaks and says negative stuff.. Its like she needs to be needed so much that she wants to destroy any positive relationship she may have with BD.. She is probably the reason SD is creating such a nightmare at our house.. I wouldnt want to go somewhere and then come home and be grilled about every tiny detail of the weekend.. BM is a needy sorry piece of work.. and uses her daughter as her pawn in her psychological games..
Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare... Ed Asner
That literally is what this
That literally is what this about, psychological warfare and games. No mentally stable person would terrorize their own kid just so they can be angry at their ex and the woman she is jealous of.
I guess there really is nothing that can be done, since her mental problem is never going to be fixed. At least I have people that can relate!
Oh she questions the crap
Oh she questions the crap out of him, but she never really calls and nags, because she never has any reason to. We don't question the kids when they come home from their other house. Unless something is WRONG and it is obvious, we leave them alone. I don't want them to ever feel put in the middle of a divorce. It is bad enough SS is drilled by his mother when she picks him up from school. And it is never about anything other than "what did you do, where did you go, who did you see"... she HAS to know what we are doing at ALL times it seems. I do my best to keep a healthy level of separation. She doesn't need to be involved in every aspect of OUR lives just because we have SS half of the time. We are entitled to a certain amount of privacy. It doesn't keep SS from spilling his guts when she starts the questioning sessions. He is young and doesn't really get why it is none of her business where we go when it is our time. Hopefully as he gets older he will learn to filter a little better, or flat out tell her to stop asking. Only time will tell.
On the other hand, when we picked SS up from BM on Monday he got in the car and told us that he had not showered for 4 days. (he was with her Friday- Monday). That is just nasty... maybe we should be asking SOME question?!?!?
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
That would be ideal. If she
That would be ideal. If she just stopped with the calls and texts. Hopefully we get to that point.
Not showering for 4 days? LOL how does that happen?
Even though she doesn't call
Even though she doesn't call and "repremand us"... it still drives me crazy that she questions him. Let him be a kid and enjoy his life without being made to feel guilty for LOVING his Dad and Stepmom. Geez! And the only reason we know she questions him is because she will bring things up that WE KNOW we didn't tell her and she will say "oh SS told me"... like he would just come up with it out of no where. I don't think so!!! It is still a form of PAS even if she isn't bothering US with her "findings".
Not showering for 4 days... it happens when your MOM doesn't either. She is just plain LAZY!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
We try not to question her
We try not to question her about anything because we really don't like hearing about BM. SD has no idea the way we feel about her mother. But when she does talk about her mom we just respond with 'That's great!' or "Wow, that must have been (insert adjective)."
I'm going to do some research on what you described. I don't think it will stop her from doing it because she is warped, but it will help us understand how to deal with it maybe...
I used to think BM did
I used to think BM did this.....but it turns out most of the time SD runs in a spits out something (it used to always be a lie). And I think BM asks her about it too, not interragating....but questioning.
When I send BSs over to Grammas' for the weekend I always ask them what they did, if they had fun, ect. It is a normal mom or dad thing to do, I think.
But I certainly don't call Gramma about it. If something brought up was strange, I think exactly that. I don't call or anything--she is an adult and loves him. I know she would never put him in any danger.
I guess I think the talking is probably normal but she should not be calling to harrass you DH. He should tell her right off the bat " she is my child too, I love her and would never put her in any danger. That is all you need to know---" I would suggest he not answer her, I would hope she would just calling--once she was unsuccessful.
We always ask how the went
We always ask how the went weekend went went SS13 comes home. When he says fun, or great, we answer with "Great! Glad you had a good time". And we leave it at that. We don't take it any further and everyone goes about their business and life continues as normal.
However, its not that way when SS13 goes to BM's for visits. If she doesn't get the answer shes looking for, she will continously hound SS13 with a birage of questions, until he finally has had enough and agrees with her. She just breaks his spirit, and he goes into survival mode til he can finally come home.
Now SD11 has no problem following BM's lead and attacks FH and I every chance she gets.
We are dealing with PAS on the part of SD11, its very obvious and its very sad!