It really was not.  DW, SS, and me had a wonderful life as a family while SS was growing up.  We had very little drama IRL. The drama was SpermClan generated. All we did was counter their crap.  We had to make that as painful as neccessary to force behavioral changes.  That took some number of years to figure out.  Once we did, it could be several years before they decided to roll out their old tricks. At which point we increased the pain settings and fried them.  The cycle could be annual, or as long as 3-ish years between their resurecting their toxic tricks.

SS-31 was a good kid and even as a teen he was pleasant, engaging, and respectful.  We did have some teen boy brain fart issues with him, but.. that is not abnormal for boys progressing toward adulthood.  It certainly was not for me. For my brother. Or for my father.

I blame my mother. She cursed me to have a son "just like (me)".  That curse came true.  Thanks mom.

Not surprisingly I am sure, I firmly believe that the foundation of our blended family success is that DW and I are partners and we were partner parents to our kid.  We did not use the prefix "Step" IRL.  He is my son, I'm his dad, his mom is my wife, and she is his mom. I'm her husband. The SpermClan was very invested in the "Step" prefix.  SS understood the definitions, and he also lived that I was always his dad. I still am.  When the SpermClan manipulated, SS questioned, came to his mom and me for clarification and the truth/facts.  We provided that truth and the facts.  We never lied to him.  I even made it a point to engage him with the message that they are his family too and he had to be respectful of them.

We did not have a master plan. We moved forward from the start of our relationship, then the start of our marriage on this comprehensive premise.  The standards that we evolved established the framework for a decent blended family life for all of us (the 3 of us).  It also provided for a decent extended family life that includes my ILs and my family.  The SpermClan has excluded themselves.  All we did was defend the hill we chose, and kept the message front and center on how they were required to behave to not live the consequences of their choices.

And with that, I will will close with.... you get the value out of your blended family life that you demand via the structure you establish and defend.  It is a team sport that should include you and your mate.  Regardless of if you are the BP or the SP in the blended relationship.  IMHO of course.

Take care.