Gone too Far
Well he is another painful experience as a step parent. My SD has always wanted to go away somewhere out of Ontario. She has never travelled, so I thought that it would be a great experience if we take a family trip (our first one as a family) to go out to Nova Scotia where my grandparents live. Well a week before we are getting ready to leave my sd11 BM emails my DH that our dtr doesn't want to go to Nova Scotia that she feels she will be uncomfortable. We have no idea why she would be uncomfortable. We have taken several family trips within Ontario and never had any problems. my DH hasn't spoken to dtr for 3 days now. I feel that BM is putting all kinds of things into her head. I did notice that she wasn't as excited as I was on her visit with us last thursday, but she did not address this with us. Yet again she expressed it with her BM. I was completely shocked! BM has gone too far! My DH already has enough to deal with in his life right now he doesn't need this. I feel helpless and I am starting to feel like it's effecting our marriage because BM has been jealous since the day we got married. I don't get why she has 2 children and a bf who is her son BD.
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One of the hardest things to
One of the hardest things to deal with is crap like this.
If you confront the child she may tell you she wants to go- and she has no.idea why BM would say that. Then you have to guestion is that the truth?
Then she goes home yelling at mom, and bm then emails I can't believe you told her I told you. She told me that in confidence.
That's what we fought for years. And knowing BM had an issue we still bought it hook line and simmer.
I would have SD go with you. Pay extra attention to keeping her included.
I don't think it's the truth,
I don't think it's the truth, I think that her mom has a lot to do with this. See her mom needs her to babysit her brother tuesday to thursday, so she can't afford my SD11 to leave for a week.
We are a pretty open family so when her mom emails us crap like this she knows we will talk to our SD11.
Right now DH doesn't care if she comes, she is the one who is going to miss out on a great experience. I also agree! We are going regardless and if she wants to miss out because something her mother put in her head than that isn't our problem. SD11 has always wanted to go to disney land too and since this situation has come up we will no longer plan that trip at Christmas. She is going to have to learn if she plays her mother's game she is only going to hurt us and lose us. We have also both agreed that SD11 goes back to visiting only on court order dates (thurs and every other weekend from sat to sunday) I feel bad for SD11 because she is so voulnerable at this age.
Update on what's happening.
Update on what's happening. Finally DH got a hold of SD11 and found out she doesn't want to go on a trip to Nova Scotia because her BM wants to take her to see her great grandmother. Which is stupid because she can go there any time. SD was so upset she started crying and couldn't talk to her dad. This is what her BM does to her. It makes me so sad and upset. I know her mother is behind this because she wants to come with us and that's why she is upset.
More..... So my DH spoke to
More..... So my DH spoke to SD11 again and she is saying that her BD is always yelling at her and telling her to stop doing things. She told her mom that we had a fight and her dad was throwing me around etc. She was basically pointing out little things that are normal in a regular family, but she is hiding out at her mother's house and isn't calling us and expressing her thoughts to us. I knew this was advantually going to happen, but I didn't think at age 11. I always go above and beyond with SD11, but that ends now. There is no reason for her to play these games we are always good to her, but I guess now that her mom is being good to her, she doesn't need us. This isn't fair.We don't even know if she will be coming back to our house on her regular visits. This is so hurtful.
Whoa! I need to ask...the
Whoa! I need to ask...the way you stated this sounds like her dad throwing you around is a little thing that's normal in a regular family.
Did I read that right?
Mystery solved - BM was the
Mystery solved - BM was the one that told SD11 that she needs a break from us. Why I am not sure! I guess maybe SD11 was going home and complaining about us or it could be because of the whole FB issue with me. I am not sure, but yesterday night was the first time that I talked to SD11 since the email about not going on trip. When I talked to her last night she was very depressed sounding. I asked her if she was having a good week, talking to her like we usually talk. Then I noticed how short and quiet she was being. I asked her if everything was alright and she said yes. I asked her if we were good and she said yes. When I asked her if she was coming over thursday her regular day she said "Mommy says I need a break" then I asked her if she was coming over once we get back from Nova Scotia and she said "well I have to ask mommy" my SD sounded so depressed and not like herself. The only time she sounded like herself was when I asked her about fishing, her new favorite hobby. I told her that I miss her and love her and she said she misses me to and loves me. I got off the phone and just cried. I know this is her mothers call or she wouldn't have to ask her mom if it's alright if she comes over. If this continues when DH and I come back from Nova Scotia. We will be the ones getting the law involved. DH has a court order that says he gets her every other weekend and every thursday night. If she wants to play this game she will be in for a shocker. I feel sick that there are parents out there that are this selfish and controlling that they keep their own children away from their other parents to spite them. One day sd11 is going to get sick of her mom's crap and stand up to her. Until then we will always have open communication and be here for her when she needs us.
Sorry that part was blown out
Sorry that part was blown out of proportion as well as some other things, but in the most part the things she was complaining about was regular domestic issues in every family separated or not.