I am engaged to my fiancé, he has a daughter 15, and a son 16. He was married for 5 years, she cheated on him with his best friend and they tried to work it out for a year before they divorced but, she cheated on him again. He filed for divorce, they have shared custody of their 2 kids. His son lives with us 98% of the time, we take care of all his needs and wants (financially) which has becom difficult because he pays $800 in child support a month and his sons phone, car insurance and everything. His ex quit her job last year, her husband wanted her to, she was making close to the same amount as him. Her new husband has no kids, and I guess he made really good money, enough for her to stay home. I guess this year he took a $30,000 pay cut (he applied for a lower paying job that allowed them to move in 5 years). This difference in their income has now been placed upon our household, she says she can't pay for anything because she doesn't work. He was supposed to pay his sons expenses and she was to pay their daughters but, now she can't so we pay support, he pays their sons bills and we split their daughters. She requested more support through the courts because she has 0 income. I am having a difficult time with keeping my mouth shut to her, we don't deal with each other directly. After my man broke up with his last GF years ago, his BM and him were in her words "BFFs", I was fine they got along and talked until I was at their party for one of their kids at our house, she acted like he and she were still married, told me where to park, I was uncomfortable, she ignored me and acted like I was nothing. She still talked to him everyday about non-kid related issues, personal issues really, called 4 times a day talking for hours at a time and texting. She would just walk in our house and sit and stay. I finally got mad enough to tell him she was disrespectful towards me and our relationship. She would talk badly about me to him and their kids, I guess he talked to her and told her he didn't want to be friends and things quited down for a few years. At some point this year she went back to calling him everyday about things other than the kids and kept him on the phone for hours, she asked him if he wanted pictures of the kids when they were little (we had a fire an lost most everything) needless to say she stuck pictures of their wedding and the 2 of them before kids in there, sent him videos "of the kids" one of which he had no shirt on, stuff that made me feel uncomfortable again and he didn't say anything to her he just stared ignoring her calls and went to texting. At one point she text him trying to get him to engage in bad mouthing me, he didn't respond. To me I was hurt, I wanted him to stand up for me, he said he didn't want to acknowledge her. I feel like her husband can punish their kids and if I even talk to them and she find out about it, she attacks me. With the wedding coming up, I feel like she will do this more frequently (she has been married twice now and still has my fiancé's last name, she said she will never change it), that is fine if she keeps it but she's under the impression I am keeping my last name and I know when she find out I am taking his last name (she believes it's hers and only she can have it) she will say the kids have a problem with it. Needless to say... I am really struggling with my anger and I direct it at my man for not defending me and making me feel second. How do you deal with this? I feel there is a double standard towards stepmoms. Vs stepdads. Why is she doing all of this again, is she trying to upset me?