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Halloween night

purdy's picture

Submitted by purdy on Wed, 11/01/2006 - 9:33am

Last night was ok i guess i just have a question that you gals might be able to help me out.I have noticed that the last couple holidays halloween and thanksgiving my husband has been a little distant.My stepkids have been with us for every holiday except the last few.I have 1 bio son who just turned 11 and he lives with us he never sees his own father because he lives across the country maybe once a year if he is lucky.My husband never seems to put the effort in to my son if his kids are not around for instance last night we took him to my moms house to trick or treat because we live in the country and not very many houses around.But as soon as we got there he went and fell asleep on the couch if his kids were there i think he would have been different.Then on thanksgiving we went to my mothers for dinner and he was very quiet even my parents asked me if he was ok the next day.As soon as we got home last night he was acting normal again.Is he feeling guilty about his kids not being with us?Is it fair to my son?

Comments

Nise's picture

Submitted by Nise on Wed, 11/01/2006 - 9:53am

That is probably a large part of it. He may feel like he is being a “full time dad” to someone else’s child but doesn’t have the opportunity to be a full time dad to his own. I would imagine that is hard for him. The situation is not fair for him or your son…it is sad for your son that your husband is withdrawn from him and sad for your husband that he misses his kids. You guys are newly weds though…not even six months into the “new” roles that you each have…give it some time and let your husband and son warm up to each other as StepDad and StepSon…find opportunities to leave them alone to do “man” things while you step away….

Make a GREAT Day!

StressedSM's picture

Submitted by StressedSM on Wed, 11/01/2006 - 12:06pm

I think it boils down to the fact that he probably misses his children. It is sad and unfortunate and he probably doesn't realize that he is missing out on time with your son (his SS). Maybe he is depressed Samantha. From reading your recent posts, you seem to be going through a lot. I think you said "he doesn't believe in counseling"... well maybe you can get him to a doctor. A good anti-depressant may be the needed thing to kick start him into action and maybe working on your marriage and the issues with his kids.

Good luck.

purdy's picture

Submitted by purdy on Thu, 11/02/2006 - 8:20am

I talked to my husband last night and said that if he feels guilty in any such way we will work together and figure things out,but my husband says that he does not feel guilty at all about anything and told me that he loves his life which made me feel great.The things that he went through in his past are just unimaginable this women was a devil.My husband is the most layed back person i have ever met and does not stress out about anything.He also said that if there were anything bothering him he would talk to me about it.I love our family to death and i keep hearing that second marriages most of the time end up in divorce more so then a first marriage and i am scared to death about this because i deserve to be happy and so does my family i think that is why i nit pick at everything.My husband knows that i have these insecurities and said he will work through them with me and we will become stronger together.