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Things that make me CRAZY !!!

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 9:32am

Things that make me CRAZY !!!

I got upset this weekend from the same old same old that is the way I am treated by SD. But also by the lack of parenting by DH, leaving me to either address it myself and be the bad guy or ask him to address it and become a nag. I took the dog, went for a walk, ignored everyone and basiclly withdrew from them all. DH knew I was upset.

At one point I saw him and SD having a conversation on the front porch and she was crying so I can only assume he was giving her a talking to.

Soooo, it's been days and I am finally getting back to being myself and getting over my irritation with him, and the situation. I have not mentioned anything, I refuse to. I am tired of being a nag and bitching about things. If he wants to discuss it I figure he will. THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED. No mention of his conversation with SD, no mention of me being upset, no promises to fix things. NO F'ING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT I WAS EVEN UPSET.

There, that is what is making me crazy. If he doesn't want to talk about it fine, if he feels he handled it and it's over, fine. Just say so.

I've tried being the one to always approach these problems. I always come off looking like I'm bitching. I try to stay quiet and let him deal with it and still I am left feeling like a bitch.

So what's the answer? stay quiet and be crazy inside or put it out there and feel like i'm tearing down our marriage?

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 9:59am

I went and saw my therapist yesterday and she told me two things that really made a lot of sense... she said when it comes to skid issues that you need to give your DH the good with the bad, so maybe your DH feels like you are just a nag all the time, because you only come to him with the bad stuff. Maybe if you went to your DH and said "I saw that you talked to SD, thank you, it means alot to me that you did that" it would mean alot to HIM.

She also said that I most certainly should NOT feel like I can not speak my piece when I feel that things are awry with skids. For instance, I firmly believe that SD is stealing clothes from me. I told DH about it (in a nice way of course.. asked if maybe he let her borrow something?? or maybe she took stuff on accident??) and he still took offense, because he knew that the underlying accusation here IS that she stole stuff, DH just doesn't want to admit that. And I totally get that NO parent wants to admit that their child is acting like a heathen, but it does NOT mean that you can just sweep it under the rug.

I too feel like I am at the point where unless I am vomiting sunshine, butterflies and rainbows about skids that I am not allowed to say anything and that is not right, because what happens with me, is I will keep it inside for days, weeks, years... and then the flood gate will open and look the hell out.... and that is NOT good.

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 10:05am

Thanks for that ! I think you are right in that I need to find the positives also. Its so hard when you are drowning in resentment.

It sounds like you deal with things much like I do. I also keep it inside for as long as I can and then explode. And it very definately is not good, not healthy.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 10:10am

Detach...like, EMOTIONALLY DETACH...similar to disengage...sigh...maybe it's the same...

My DH has driven me insane...and two days ago I just said "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"...take a deep breath, talk to him as if he was SOMEONE ELSE, ie your roommate...I have done this...DH even tried to be nice to me yesterday again and I just nicely told him to STOP being nice, that I did not want to offend him but that I needed my space to think and find peace...and that included not being sidetracked by his "being nice to me, thus I would forget what I was trying to accomplish for myself..." I don't know how I do it, but I can detach this way with him and just about anyone and just build that wall around where I don't let them hurt me anymore. And well, he's now like an idiot trying to still be nice to me, trying to kiss me goodbye even though I totally ignore him or act as if he isn't really trying to kiss me...sigh...

OK, just detach, disengage, let them figure it out. If you don't, it just continues to happen. Honestly, I believe that so many sorrys are just really bad...and eventually we just need to detach completely...I'm in the process of doing that myself.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack...sigh...just wanted you to know that I understood what you meant...chin up and close your eyes, take a deep breath and DETACH! Wink

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 10:15am

I have certainly disengaged from SD and I try my best to be emotionally detached from her also. I'm not sure I can or want to detach from DH. And really my issues are with him. Maybe I need to detach just for a while until I can be 'human' again.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 10:17am

Ha ha, I tried the "sandwich" approach with GG. First something good (BOY did I have to dig long, hard and deep) then the point you really want to address, followed by yet some other contrived "good point."

GG was able to throw off the "bread" of the sandwich, focus on the filling and view it as an "attack" against his kids.

It's worth a try though.

The best thing I can say about GG's kids is that the oldest, Brainiac, seems to be "happy go lucky"

That's it. Seriously, that's it. They have no special talents and are basically being raised as the Behemoth's pets (with adult spousal status, of course). They are fed, watered and allowed to have the run of the house.

smileygirl's picture

Submitted by smileygirl on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:13pm

LOL, I try the good, bad and ugly all at once thing too...

Last time:

Me: So your son really takes after you.
Him: How so?
Me: He's incredibly mechanically inclined.
Him: (Suspicious) what?
Me: He completly disassembled our sons car seat in the time that it took you to take him home last night.
Him: He didn't do that.
Me: Really, because for once, I was impressed - I mean it took me more than 3 hours to figure out how to get it all back to togeather to leave this morning. I guess it must have been our One Year Old. I should have known.
* Important note this must all be done without a snarky tone or it's ruined.

It got my point across and I knew I was upset and complaining. However, he had no real footing to agrue the point because while he suspected I was being bitchy he couldn't be sure.