Husband picked up more painkiller for me at the drugstore.

I do appreciate it but.....

He had difficulty obtaining it because after fifteen years of marriage he still can't remember my birthday.

I told him if I suddenly collapse am unresposive and being shipped to ER I will be fucked if my kids aren't around because he can't even remember my two main health issues which are past TIAs and high probability of stroke due to family and medical history and the thyroid disorder I've had for so long.

Dinner and the following hours were thankfully uneventful.

How many other people are as relieved as I am to finally see their spouse wander off to bed because they'll get a break from them? Sad.

So anyway, having the usual trouble with sleep. Wake up every hour in spite of sleeping aids or 24/7 opiates.

Am feeling somewhat anxious because I'm getting hot flashes throughout the day and night and waking in feverish sweat in the middle of the night.

Anxiety over health and fear of the dark sends me to the marital bed.(I normally sleep on the couch due to severe snoring of my husband. He also thrashes around in his sleep and has hurt me a few times doing this)

He greets me

"Hi honey how are you feeling?"

I mumble something that amounts to okay-the pain is revving up don 't like to talk when that happens

Happily I drift off to sleep.

Something wakes me up. I can feel a repetitive kind of sharp poking between my shoulderblades. I wake up screaming-yes literally screaming-"STOP IT! STOP IT!"

He mumbles "I'm sorry" and rolls over and falls back asleep.

At first I think maybe I'm having really intense dreams due to painkiller but when this has happened in the past I never had any physical sensations amiss.

I am not on enough stuff to be hallucinating.

He said he was sorry and rolled over so the only logical conclusion I feel I can draw here is that he was intentionally poking at me to annoy me wake me up or just kind of passive aggressively fuck with me while I'm sleeping.

I don't understand what the everlovin phucque is wrong with him.

Is it BPD? Passive aggressive abuse? It is something that surpasses your everyday ordinary assholery.

The things that happen seem so unbelieveable. He appears to be a really nice guy to the outside world. He seems normal enough even to me most of the time that I really have a hard time seeing it all for wahat it really is.

Since I 'm becoming more and more detached I'm noticing more and more little things all day everyday. I am trying to figure out if these things were always there and I was just too close to see(the deception of love) or am I actually just looking for things.