My own stepfather (or “The Saint” as I now see him for what he was for all of those years with me growing up!!!) used to call himself
“The Shrub”
because no matter what he thought, said or did, it didn’t matter a good gawd-damn! He might have well been invisible… shrubbery on the outside of the house.

Now on occasions (like my step son’s birthday that just passed) I see how it is to feel like “The Shrub”… ignored by everybody out of confusion and discomfort about the whole situation. I’d point blank say or ask something to someone (the guests, the skids, BM) and they’d all look the other way… or look to BM to make sure it was ok to answer me first. I ended up sitting in the corner playing games on my cell phone.

And when I mention ANY of it to DH… “I’m overreacting… it’s all in my mind…”
It’s easier to just sit there and be the good little Shrub… right stepda?

Bless your heart.
I never knew this was a southern slap in the face.a polite way of saying F you. I always thought geez that person was really nasty and mom is saying bless their heart.why would we bless them when they don't deserve it??now i know

Asher I wish I had that 'Southern Grace'

My mother had some sayings that I understood perfectly well, but I now find myself using all the time:

"If this is the worst part of your day, then I want to be you" Used when I would whine about having to do a chore, etc. "If picking up this room is the worst part of your day...!"

Another gem from mom, said with total sarcasm: "oh yes. I got up this morning and thought to myself "oh goody! I get to make Siferra's life miserable today! I can't wait to make her do homework and maybe after that eat some peas! In fact, i think I'll center my entire day around making her miserable"

Always sort of snapped it back into perspective for me.

Marry in haste, repent at leisure

I have never heard this one! It is great.

If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger. Not sure if they were talking about life in general or perhaps whiskey. LOL!

Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.

She took off like a whore to her wedding.

My great grandmother would say, " If you don't feel the way you should act, then act they way you should feel". I guess she was the original advocate of the power of positive thinking. I can remember feeling very irritated when my mother would use that on me when I was a teenager!

Wish in one hand, $#!t in the other, and see which one fills up first.

Don't try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

You are slower than a herd of turtles.

Its colder than a well diggers butt in Idaho.

Its so crowded you couldn't cuss a cat without getting hair in your mouth.

Don't cry over spilt milk.

Let it roll off of you like water on a duck's back.

Hold your horses!

Don't put the cart before your horse.

Go peddle your papers elsewhere.

Bide your time.

I'm quite a bullshitter myself, but please continue, occassionally I like to hear from an expert.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who make things happen, those that watch things happen, and people like you _____ that wonder what happened.

Kindness makes a man attractive.

Curiosity killed the cat.

Ha ha, most of these are from my grandma, she's 82 and she's full of it.