Good evening everyone, to be honest I have no clue where to begin here- however I guess I could start with I feel as if I've reached a breaking point and need advice from others with more stepparent know-how on how to potentially navigate my situation. I have a biological child under one, who I'm trying my best to raise well and with good values, moral, and self-assurance. The issue I'm really facing currently is trying to handle my 6 year old stepchild- who has extreme behavioral issues and some form of undiagnosed mental disability. They have a deadbeat absentee bio mom who comes around as she pleases and only sees them four days a month or if she wants to parade them around a holiday. She heavily enables, spoils, and teaches poor and often age inappropriate behaviors. She shows up late for pickup and early for drop off and always changes her mind on times. This results in extreme difficulties getting my stepchild to wind down and get back into the routine and rules established in the house, even though she doesn't have her child much the impact she has on them is very strong. I often get berated by my stepchild when they're angry- often if I set boundaries or enforce the rules when they're misbehaving saying that they wish their mom came back and that she'd be my baby's mom instead or getting physical and hitting/scratching me and screaming they hate me or that I make them miserable. It's really disheartening because I'm trying my best to give a child that's not my own care, support, security and love but also boundaries and knowledge so they can navigate life easier as they age- especially with their behavior issues and potential disability. At times I also feel as if my spouse gets mad at me and that he isn't on my side when I try to vent about issues regarding behaviors of his first child or how the bio mom negatively affects them. Recently he called me mental and threw the bouncer across the room because I was trying to vent about the fact that the bio mom taught my stepchild the cunnilinctus hand gesture and that my stepchild told me their bio mom's brother blew bong smoke into their mouth. I think it's very suspicious and gives me great anxiety which I feel is valid but my spouse does not, he believes that she wouldn't do such a thing or bails her out constantly and raises his voice when I have anything to say concerning stepchild and their bio mom and seems to just point out my flaws when parenting his child instead of noting how much I've done like potty training a child well above the age they should be toilet trained, helping them speak, trying to teach coping mechanisms for anger- but it seems like all he sees are the moments I have a tone or lose my patience after chance after chance given to the stepchild to make better choices. Sometimes I don't know what to do anymore- people in the past have told me not to try so hard and to pick my battles but I don't want to be walked all over by a child who needs a steady support system even if they don't like me most of the time. Pardon if this is jumbled or reads awkwardly, I'm just so worn out and I don't know if I should just back down and have their father handle them when they're bad and just focus on my child or what but all in all I really don't want to fail my stepchild. I want to do right by them but I also don't want their poor behavior to rub off on my child. To those who took the time to read and respond thank you.