Boyfriend & I argue all the time about his sons
I am in desperate need of some advice about my situation. I live with my boyfriend who has two grown sons that we argue about all the time.
When we all first met I was excited to have so much boy energy in my life. I was eager to get to know the boys & be a small part of the family. As I got to know them I realized that I really didn't like their behaviors. My boyfriend adores his sons & they can't do wrong.
They have lost their liciense, been kicked out of college, and they are disrespectful to their father. They drink, use tobacco, & drugs. They only come around when they want money & lie to their father all the time. When they are in our home they use my things without asking, break things and lose things. the more I complain about them the more my boyfriend comes up with excuses for them, takes thier side, & even lies about them to protect them & keep me from the gorry details. this can be good until I find out about the lies then I get angry. I feel the more I complain, the more he builds walls to divide us (boyfriend & Me). I recently decided I did not want them in my life at all but this is harder than I thought to do. Where should I start?
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I don't mention DH's kids
I don't mention DH's kids anymore....they are THE ONLY issue we have, so by not mentioning them, it makes life peaceful. My MIL is the one who always has to bring them up.
Your boyfriend is key here.
Your boyfriend is key here. If he has no problem with how his sons act and defends them, you are fighting a losing battle. Until and unless he steps up, NOTHING is going to change, other than that you will become more upset and bitter (you have every reason to). They don't have to be in YOUR life, but they are his sons, and if he wants to live this way, that is on him. You will have to make the choice to leave.
My DH has 3 adults kids, ages 19-23. They lie, smoke pot, refuse to work, and feel that they can do what they want all of the time. Their mother raised them this way. For many years, my DH was their wallet, which he finally stopped. They do not contact him unless they want money or need something. I made my DH promise before we married that they will never live with us, nor will we support them. We have been married less than a year, and there have been many, many requests for money and to move in. NOT Happening. They are horrible to him and me. I want nothing to do with them. They live with their mother-she can deal with them.
I don't think you are going to be happy staying this way (why would you). But, if your bf is happy with the way things are, you two really need to part ways. This is not something you want to deal with forever.
Great point
Great point dontcallmestepmom. I wish my DH would respect, but you are absolutely right. They will not budge if they think their kids are doing right. If only your DH wasnt a spineless jellyfish like mine
When I met my DH, his kids
When I met my DH, his kids were taking so much money from him, he was barely eating. He had nothing. I almost ran, because of how bad they were-not even the cash, the way they talked to him and treated him. They would demand cash and things, and he just kept giving it. Their mother has never worked and spent the CS on herself, so he felt like he had to give them what they wanted. It all came to a head when they decided they did not want me around, so they just became especially hateful. They were demanding things he could not give them. They were treating me terribly. It woke him up, but it took A LOT for it to happen.
His mother continues to make him feel bad, and he already has guilt, because he feels like he did something wrong. What he did wrong was continue to make kids with BM. There is something off with the kids, just like her. No emotions, compassion or kindness. He has tried to hard, but they get worse by the minute. The thing is, he did grow that spine, and realized how wrong it all was. He knew he deserved to be happy, and we are very happy. I am going through a health crisis now, and he is there for me every day. There have been texts for money, and he continues to ignore it all. If something changes,meaning he decides to start throwing cash around or wants them here, I will not stay. I cannot. But, I think we will be ok-he knows he has done everything possible. It was a long road to get to this point, though.
I feel badly for you. I don't see this ending well, because your bf is content, or appears content. All that is happening is that you are made to be the bad guy. He needs to wake up, but he does not feel he is asleep. DO NOT make this the rest of your life. I adore my DH, but there is no way in hell I would live with his kids. NEVER.