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How should I handle this?

overworkedmom's picture

As many of you know my relationship with my children's father is not the greatest. A little refresher for those who don't know/remember: this is the guy who, while we were married, would lay in bed at night crying that he never wanted children and they they destroyed his life. He says that my son is obese yet refuses to take him to any sports practice/game for the last 4 years. He constantly promises my kids things like Disney vacations and then right before they are "planning to go" he cancels. He spent several years in a bipolar downswing that led to our divorce. Not the greatest thing ever, but hey I spent 10 years of my life with him and have 2 of the most amazing kids ever.

Anyway... Yesterday I text to tell him that my oldest has his gifted testing on Friday. Just to keep him in the loop. The ex then proceeds to tell me that he thinks the kids need counseling. (this is something that I have talked to my family about and they all agreed with me in saying what I told him) I said, I really think the biggest issue right now is that you are spending so much time with your new family and leaving them out of things, like your last vacation, that they are hurt. Please just try and do some special things with them during their time with you. He disagreed that that was the issue, I said fine I will look into a counselor. -- Convo over.

Late last night I get this EVIL EVIL e-mail from his child-bride (23 yr old). She calls me everything from a terrible mother to a whore. She calls my son morbidly obese (he is big but not morbidly obese like his father was for most of his life). She said my daughter has body issues. On and on. It was very long. She ended it with leave my husband alone! -- This is probably the most horrible e-mail I have ever read and it was shocking that so much of her information was so wrong. Things like that I pass my kids off to my family... ummm... my sister is a teacher and sometimes, during the summer, instead of day care they go hang with her for the day while I work. But other than that... nope. My kids are with me. She said I never do anything with them.. HA! My every waking hour is about those kids! Anyway it goes on and on.

How do I handle this??? Last night I was so hurt and angry I was shaking for hours. I did not respond.

Comments

learningallthetime's picture

Sounds like my exes GF. I used to get those kind of emails. Now, I just ignore them and document. She gets so angry so quickly and it is obvious she is being fed a line by my ex. So, I let them tie themselves up in knots (I wish literally and then they fell off a cliff!), while I sit back and laugh.

overworkedmom's picture

Its his 2nd phase. If he does well he is in all the way through high school! I am so proud of him!!

overworkedmom's picture

He is almost 9, 4'10 and about 90 lbs.

He is a big boy. He looks like a line backer. He has always been a rectangle lol

overworkedmom's picture

Oh I am sure my ex feeds her all kinds of crazy. Like how he tried to blame his genital warts on me and not on the affair he had. Just sayin....

I have never had a conversation with this broad. I have no reason to. I am the custodial parent. He gets every other weekend and a month in the summer. The end. I am 100% the parent. I am the one who has taken them to literally every doctors appointment they have ever had. I do the homework. I pay for and provide all transportation to sports- year round! I am the one at parent teacher conferences. I do not need or want her help. I expect my kids to be polite and respectful to her as an "adult" in the house but other than that I let their dad know what is going on in their lives and that is it. I truly take care of it all.

overworkedmom's picture

I wish I did... However my soon to be exAhh (asshole husband) is an abusive jerk that I only had the strength to leave thanks to this site.

overworkedmom's picture

You think it's ok for me NOT to tell him things going on? I have been blasted by him in the past for not telling him things... not that he does anything with the info....

Sweet T's picture

I expect that I will have a similar situation going forward with my ex's new GF. Instead of telling her the real reason his two marriages failed he told her BM1 cheated on him and I tried to kill him. Much easier then saying I am a mentally ill abuser who uses women and treats them like crap once I trap them.

I honestly feel after being on ST for 8 years I was formerly Sweetthing, that the majority of the issues we face are brought on by the husbands not the women. I know any bad thought I had about BM was instigated by him. She is now my friend and is coming over for dinner tonight since our kids on on vacation with the ex.She stood beside me and supported me during my messy divorce, and is there for me when I am worried about BS being with his dad. She makes sure that her sons make sure to protect their little brother.

Sometimes we have to look at what information we are being fed and assess whether it is true or not.

overworkedmom's picture

My soon to be ex told me how crazy BM was... the problem wasn't that she was crazy she was weak. He crushed her and destroyed a weak woman. She had a long recovery and I pray for her often that she can stay strong and not let him take her down again. He mistook my physical size (5ft nothin') for mental weakness. It took me longer than I am proud of but I left his ass and took everything with me!

learningallthetime's picture

Yep, I thought BM was crazy when I was with ex. To be fair I did see her being crazy initially - but he does that to people. I look back at who I was with him and do not recognize the person I became. BM says the same. Now we support each other. We understand and can figure out what he is up to when he is scheming. We often heads up each other when he swings into one of his rampages (usually every couple of months) and can pass tidbits along from the kids (like hers telling her they thought the new GF was bullying BS7).

We were both crazy with him, now GF is acting crazy, I have proven time and time again that ex is lying to her about me, but each new time she rampages again. It is quite amazing!