Advice please
Hello! I have been reading posts on here for a few weeks and have found it very comforting to know that I am not alone in losing my mind over having a blended family! Thank you so much for that!
I was hoping to get a little advice from parents out there. My situation is this: I have 2 children of my own from my first marriage (BS6 and BD4). We recently moved in with my boyfriend who has full custody of his son (fss6). Things were really good at first, of course but it has been steadily getting more and more stressful. FSS6 has some major abandonment issues, his mother is a useless addict that signed over full custody to my SO. She hasn't seen him in months and even the last visit was only a couple of hours. To top it off FSS6 recently lost a grandfather that he was very close to. It was very quick and hard on him. SO does his best but works A LOT and I am struggling to keep it together for all of us.
FSS has behavior issues, doesn't pay attention in school, is in constant trouble. I can deal with most of it, except blatant disrespect. I am not one to really spank, but I swear I am close to beating this kid! I can not stand a 6 year old telling me no, sticking out his tongue, refusing to do what I say, throwing temper fits, etc. MY kids are not perfect but in no way, shape, or form, but would they NEVER get away with acting like that. SO backs me up sometimes but other times he just shrugs and ignores the behavior. I am going crazy and not sure how to tell SO that if he doesn't start disciplining him to get proper behavior than don't expect me to do anything else. I have already told him that I am not comfortable being a disciplinarian at this point. I won't be made evil stepmother....
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In the evening I get home an
In the evening I get home an hour or 2 before him depending on the day. Weekends are occasional but not often. I have my kids anyway and we are always busy. Kids are in Jiu Jitsu, baseball, and swimming. So its usually me shuffling to an evening activity and then we all meet at home...
I am no expert lol or I
I am no expert lol or I wouldn't be on here
but, it sounds like your fss hasn't been taught to behave in any other way...you are going to have to teach him. Hopefully along the way you can also teach your SO how to better handle his son too.
Thanks for the book ideas! I
Thanks for the book ideas! I will try and find them this weekend. I have tried 1-2-3 magic (worked great for both of my kids) and raising a strong willed child... not working so much! LOL
His mom was not involved
His mom was not involved since he turned 1. It is very sad and something I will never ever understand...
Maybe you can talk to the
Maybe you can talk to the school social worker, many of the schools have groups that help grieving children, as well as children of divorce. If they don't have that, maybe you can look into some sort of therapy outside of school. He's only 6, it's earlier enough to nip this behavior. You can also speak with your children's dr and ask for a name for a therapist for the child if you are unable to get help from the school. Good luck.
My SO is meeting a therapist
My SO is meeting a therapist today and we are going to start having him go, but a school therapy group may help too. I will suggest that to his dad tonight!
Just a thought...use it if
Just a thought...use it if you want...or not
My son had some anger issues, mostly caused by the fact that he could not communicate his feelings, etc. because of his speech delay...Sometimes I was ready to snap because he would get so angry...One day he was so angry, that I grabbed some paper and told him to please draw pictures or write whatever he felt...and yes, he did speak some, he started making nasty mean faces with paper and using tape and posted them all over my living room wall. I just sat there in disbelief...At that point, I decided to give him a huge hug. Yes, I told him I understood that he was angry, that it was ok to be angry, but that it did not mean that he could disrespect me if he was angry. That from now on, I would leave a stack of papers on the counter and when he got angry or sad, etc...he could write or draw what he wanted and put it up on the wall...and then, we would talk about it. You should have seen how all of a sudden his outrage turned into tears...our relationship has been very different since then.
As time has passed I also taught him through some social skills books about being angry and stressed and what to do...such as count to 10, take 3 deep breaths, etc...he has changes drastically...
Good luck...you seem to want to do something and maybe because he's so young, you can still make a difference...and that does NOT mean that you should ever put up with him being disrespectful...
Wow, wtg mom!! That is so
Wow, wtg mom!! That is so smart.
That is such a great idea! I
That is such a great idea! I love it! My SO is meeting a therapist for the first time today because I know he is hurt and needs to learn express it, but this may offer some more immediate expression.