Based on past experiences and what was written in this text, I highly doubt he will be able to talk to the children at all. SD3 doesnt much like the phone anyways but now it seems as though he will not be allowed to even contact BM for updates or to see how they are doing. I know he wont abandon his children, he will see them whenever he possibly can (if its convenient for her of course). I am due to deliver my first child, his third, in just 3 weeks and I can't wait to nurture the relationship between them. The only thing I fear (slightly) is that with having one child so close and around all the time that he will just give up on the other two and quit fighting for his right to be a father to them as well. On the other hand, BM/XW if also pregnant with her bf's child and Im thinking that when his own child arrives he is going to want nothing to do with the older 2 children and we will end up with them one way or another.

And we def have all of her e-mails/facebook messages/texts saved so that we have evidence of her attitude and abusive language. We, however, live in NC where my DH is stationed for the military and it makes visitation (that we must drive both ways) difficult and very expensive and it is very difficult to get a lawyer (and afford it) and maintain a good relationship with said lawyer when they are 2 states away. When will this bs ever stop??

I not longer speak to BM at all, except when dropping off/picking up skids. Up until this past visit I would e-mail her regular updates on the skids and let her know how they were doing but when she started to act childish and ignorant again and had her best friend and sister harass DH with nasty messages about me I decided that she could follow her own rules for DH--she wants to know whats going on with the children, she can call him. Im staying out of it b/c I do not have the patience to deal with her these days. I do, however, have to help keep my usually incredibly calm and level headed DH from saying something back to her that would start nonsense. She knows that keeping his kids from him is hurting him and it simply disgusts me that a parent could do this. I hate to see such a wonderful man hurt because of jealousy/insecurities/ignorance.

A lot of what you have said are many of the same things that went through my own mind. Thank you. I admit we are a young family and pregnancy hormones also play a lot into my feelings lol, but in the end we have decided to not stoop to her level. She can say what she wants but in the end we both know that while we are not perfect, we are damn good parents and we do the best we can. We are learning as we go and only getting better as the days go by. One day the kids will ask questions and wonder why things were the way they were and the only thing we can do is to tell them the truth.

Hell, she still has court for probation violation...she may very well be going to jail. If she doesnt for this particular charge its just a matter of time before she breaks the law again. And when she does she will lose custody...and if she loses custody no judge in the country is going to put the kids back in her care. She is really just hurting herself in the end (I hope it doesnt affect the kids too much right now).

I agree... dont get me wrong Im still pretty irritated about the whole situation but in the end its not really me that gets hurt (as Im sure her intentions are) but her children. And she doesnt get that. It just kills me to see innocent kids hurt because of her ignorance.

DH and I have kept all of the correspondence between us and BM so when the time comes we can sit them down and show them what was said in her own words. I would hate to have to do this but its the only way that I can see of them knowing the real truth behind everything. It hurts me that she cant see that its not just me and DH she is affecting but the kids. I really do love these kids (even if I dont always like their behavior) and I wish the bs would just stop.

What these BMs dont seem to realize is that we dont have to take care of their kids. We dont have to help them or teach them or care for them at all and yet we do but in the end we are always the bad guy. I have sacrificed so much to become a SM and I would do it all again in a hearbeat b/c these children need someone that loves them unconditionally and will teach them right from wrong. Many of the behaviors that I dislike are a direct result of their BM lifestyle and life choices and I can already see how its affecting them although she puts it all on us. She has so many more problems with them than what we do and used to call constantly to complain about how they acted when they are with her... problems we do not have with the children. Unfortunately SD3 is already learning how to lie from BM and I hope she doesnt also teach her to become a criminal. The sad thing is that BM is very intelligent and could easily make a decent life for herself but would rather take the "easy" route and be a criminal. It just disgusts me. Now dont get me wrong, Im not perfect. I was raised in an incredibly abusive household and sometimes that comes to the surface when I am irritated and struggling but very rarely and I always apologize immediately. Im still learning to be a SM and its not an easy task by any means...

And what happens when she goes to jail (as I see as inevitable)?? How does she think that is going to affect her children?? She cant keep herself out of trouble long enough to get through 1 year of probation... how can she care for her now 3 children?? I just dont get it.