You need to have a sit down with your DH and find a new game plan because the current one isnt working.

I seriously believe more couples (especially in the step world) need to have real conversations about finances and childcare, about the current situation and what they both want in the future.

If you arent happy, if you feel you are doing too much and your DH isnt doing enough then what can change? Why are you doing it? What did you two talk about in the beginning? Was it always supposed to be this way?
With such a big change of gaining full custody it is not unreasonable to be sitting your DH down and saying look, the way we have been managing things isnt working for me, we need to come up with ideas on how to deal with everything.

But before you sit him down, you need to get an idea in your own head about what YOU want. What is it thats bothering you? Are you feeling you are stuck at home with mounting chores? If so, why are you home and DH isnt? How old are the skids? Why arent they doing chores?

LOL. You've gotta love the step parenting advice you get on Cafe Mom or Baby Center. People are way more understanding here.

Why is BM's mom bothering you about laundry? She sounds a lot like my BM's mom.

I agree with others who have said to stop doing everything that you're doing. Your husband got full custody, not you. That means the kids are his responsibility. I'm essentially disengaged for similar reasons, although I only have one SD who comes EOWE.

Sounds like you made the right choice to vent here. Most of us here know your pain. I agree with the other posts. You need to talk with DH and draw a line in the sand.

So sorry. I like my skids for the most part. I would have left if DH had ever sought or gotten custody. I don't have any bios either, and I do think that makes it harder, both emotionally and practically. You're not used to kids...and you're having to sacrifice and learn for kids who aren't yours. It sucks majorly.

How exactly does BMs mom even have the ability to tell you what to do or how to do it? Why is BD talking to his ex's mom, unless BM is dead & can't do it herself? Or does he expect you to deal with BMs mom? No. Just no. BMs mom is BMs job. I won't go into details, because this is your post, but I can tell you from experience no good will come of having his exs parents in your life. Their loyalty lies towards their daughter, as his loyalty lies towards his children and you, not his X or the rest of her family. I 100% don't get this bs of still associating with an exs parents. I truly believe if something isn't acceptable in a regular breakup, it isn't ever acceptable. Don't use your kids as excuses for stupid bs or it'll only make the resentment grow.

I fully agree with everyone else, have a talk about expectations, express your needs calmly, and those kids aren't your job or responsibility. Stop doing whatever is making you resentful. If it's everything, stop all of it. Take time out for yourselves as a couple each day, it's good for kids to have alone time too, this is so important. Good luck. It's hard, I know. There's nothing like going through something, trying to talk or get advice and being told to basically suck it up. Sorry that happened to you. And you don't know what you're getting into until you're in it, not when it comes to this.

These are teens? Quit doing anything for them. They can do their own laundry--you aren't their slave, you aren't even their parent! Assist them on their way to independent life. If something needs to be done by one of them, you get DH involved...for example "DH, SD has 37 bowls of half-eaten cereal in her room and her trash is running over. Please go ask her to take care of that." Then stare at him until he gets up off the couch and parents.

Which brings me to I HATE MOTHER'S DAY (and father's day, and any other made up holiday that exists solely for the purpose of making money for Hallmark while creating strife in homes). You aren't the mother of these kids, don't expect anything at all on Mother's Day. You have made a choice to live as though you are the mother, but that doesn't make it true.

BMs mom has no business asking about anything going on in your household and shouldn't be contacting you at all unless you are friends--and it doesn't sound like you are. Next time you hear from her, refer her to your husband then block her.

If some so-called SM support group ever said something like: "you married into it and you knew he had kids before you married him" "suck it up, kids will be kids." My guess is that it is probably a support group largely controlled by BMs alone. Something some BMs who have no involvement in step-parenting whatsoever like to do--grind the axe and get back at whomever.

Here's what I don't get with that weird science. BM and bio-dad took marriage vows to each other and with those vows, they certainly knew that children were going to be part of the plan. YET, they get to renege on those vows, get divorced. Okay. They obviously couldn't suck it up and take it even with their OWN children involved Then, when dad remarries and SM enters the picture, suddenly dad's wife is supposed to suck it up and take it, no questions asked? I don't think so.

I think anyone's response to that should be, "Hey, if BM and bio-dad couldn't suck it up and take one for the Gipper, don't expect me to."