The Car Situation
So DH feels that SS18 does actually need a car, even if it is BM's fault for living in a place with no transportation, no jobs and no real benefits. He has been very entitled and refusing to accept a hand me down car in the past. If you read my past blogs the car issue has been a major insult to injury situation with my DH offering him his old car before we sold it to a friend a few years ago when SS18 said he would never drive a used Honda that was 8-9 years old.
I have a slightly newer Honda and it does have more bells and whistles on it (leather, sunroof, heated seats etc) whereas his old one was a pretty basic model. Our friend has offered to switch cars with us so he gets the newer one with the bells and whistles and we can offer the old one to SS18 again. This is a good, lifelong friend (nearly a brother to me) and I would absolutely be fine with that.
At first my DH asked if he could buy me a new (to us) car and give my Honda to SS18 so he has a vehicle. I felt bad about that, like I was giving away a car that has been really good to me and that I have enjoyed very much. I don't mind a new(er)car, but giving it to SS18 seemed like I was throwing it into a junkyard because he would surely wreck it and treat it horribly. I know it's just a car but I felt more protective of something I owned than that.
At least this way I feel better that a car that has treated me well continues to get treated well by a responsible adult who babies his cars and SS18 is back to the same choice of DH's "old" Honda or nothing, kiddo.
We all know beggars can't be choosers but this entitled young adult will try to be anyway. This will be his only option from our side, if we decide to do it.
What would you guys do? New car for me and DH's old Honda offered back to SS18 AGAIN? Or keep my car and he and his enmeshed BM can figure it out for themselves? I would happily keep my car too. In some ways I will miss it. That sounds corny, but it's been a great car and I've had it a while.
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Comments
This is so annoying! I say
This is so annoying! I say don't give him a damn car at all! Who is providing insurance? IMHO, BM can help poor witto SS figure it out. He refused a perfectly good car because he wanted a brand new truck or sports car? CRY ME A F#!%*NG RIVER!
And that right there is the
And that right there is the sticking point. Forgot to mention that... If we provide the car, we won't pay insurance or maintenance or anything else. And BM/SS are not probably capable of consistently doing it.
SS quit his McDonalds job a few weeks in because the manager didn't call him back when he left a message about his schedule. He said he thought it was unprofessional of the manager and therefore not a good place to work.
BWAHAHAHAHA! Everywhere I have worked it has been MY job to hound the manager about a schedule. But I suppose I am not as pwecious and special as SS.
What is he doing with his
What is he doing with his life? He just graduated, yes? You're pretty much saying if you do give him a car, it'll just go to sh!t anyway? No thank you.
Doesn't he know managers have a lot more to worry about that just HIS schedule? The idiocy here is incredible.
My DH gave him a talking to about it
My DH gave him a talking to about it when SS told him that about the manager not returning his calls and how it's his job, not the managers. And of course, the fact that DH did that is yet one more excuse why DH is not supportive of SS and why SS refuses to see his father.
If he can't make it in fast
If he can't make it in fast food, I doubt he can make it in the "real world". My first job was fast food, and while not easy, I stuck it out for 3 years and LOVED taking care of myself.
Also, if SS refuses to even see his dad over trying to give him some worldly advice, I'd not worry about supporting his ass at all and say see ya sucka! Out of sight, out of mind. He can be BM's problem.
It is all that fatherly
It is all that fatherly advice that BM claims "pushes SS away" and "makes him not want to see you (DH)". It's the definition of PAS -- allowing the child to believe that because the CHILD doesn't agree with the parent and the CHILD thinks they know better, the parent is BAD.
Examples of such advice: You should apply for scholarships. You should go to college. I'm glad you are looking for a job, it's important to have work experience when you are young. You should study abroad in (the country where my DH was born), I'll pay for it. You should have a passport so you can travel to (DH homeland), I'll pay for it. You should not quit your job because something happens that you don't like, you should talk to the manager and work through it. You should go to bed by 11pm on a schoolnight (he's had no bedtime at BM house since he was 12).
All of these things "offended" SS and are used as examples as to why my DH is unreasonable and insufferable.
He had the luxury of refusing
He had the luxury of refusing a car when he has nothing but two legs?
Wow.
I would give my car to someone who appreciates it, like your friend, and offer SS the older one.
First cars are often smashed by teens.
If you give him your car, be prepared to see something you love in the scrap yard.
If this was my situation, kiddo would walk.
Or use BMs brain cells to solve his ingrate problem.
My suggestion was that they
My suggestion was that they could move two counties over to where BM just got a job (or at least closer) where there's public transportation, a cheaper community college, cheaper rent, a shorter commute to work and then my DH might chip in for some college expenses beyond what is paid through financial aid. That's the logical solution. There are apartments cheaper than their current one across the street from a community college that costs half what the one in their small town costs.
He can walk across the street to school, they can save money on rent and commute and tuition. Everyone wins.
DH loves this plan. But we can't make them move.
SD was given an older Honda
SD was given an older Honda Accord by DH when she lived with us. It did not meet BM and stepd*ck's standards, so SD sold it. They let her drive one of their cars with no insurance. She wrecked it. Now she has no car. She does live in a place with public transportation and stated that she is looking for a second job to save for a car.
BS15 has a learners permit and a 2000 something Ford Taurus. He is very grateful to have his car. DH paid $800 for it and rebuilt some of the motor. It does have some body damage, but it's dependable and comfortable for BS to drive. BS has already offered to drive YBS to school and regularly takes me to shop because it builds his experience and confidence.
Your SS rejected a car. Now let him walk.
Amen! Also, did your SD just
Amen! Also, did your SD just pocket the cash from the car you gave her? I guess it was "her" car after it was gifted, but still..
Update: I am going to go out
Update: I am going to go out and test drive a few large SUVs and see if I like driving them. I think this should be based on whether I want to do this more than whether or not SS deserves a vehicle. (Because he doesn't).
Resist any emotional manipulation
...you can get an SUV any time. Seriously, let the ungrateful brat get his own transpo.
I second this!
I second this!
Oh man. Here is the solution
Oh man. Here is the solution I have for my situation:
OSS just turned 16. He has been slacking on getting his permit, and at this rate won't get his license for another year. He knows that DH and I both has vehicles that he could have if he gets his license, but that is no incentive.
So, my plan is for us to keep driving our cars and if he doesn't have his license by the time we want new ones, he's SOL. The vehicles we have are the ones available to him from us.
We live in an area where you HAVE to have a car to get around. The public transportation is dangerous and spotty at best. Without a vehicle, it will be nearly imposssible for OSS to get a job before college. But if that is the choice he wants to make, then so be it.
Do you need the SUV? I loved
Do you need the SUV? I loved all my Hondas. Still have one. The new Accords are nice! SUV is bigger, uses more gas and check the insurance rates and ratings - esp maintenance. Unless you are looking at a Honda there too.
I would never give up my car for one of the SDs unless I was also in the market to replace it.
I told my DH last night that
I told my DH last night that the only cars that I was seeing that excited me were the newer Accords I ran across. He sweetly said that we would get me a new car when I want one and he wants it to be whatever makes me happy. He said we might have to get a larger truck to haul a boat around with (saving for it currently) before we get the boat, but he doesn't want me to drive something that doesn't make me happy. *especially*, he said, because I don't get to drive much anymore.
DH and I have discussed them moving to an area with public transportation and/or ASS walking to school/work. His school is 1.6 miles away from their apartment. My nephew walks 1.8 miles each day to work from our house and back, so it's definitely something ASS should be able to do. That's two solutions to this problem.
So -- move to a place with public transportation, cheaper tuition costs, quicker commute for BM and cheaper rent OR stay where you are and walk or bike.
Those are the options we are offering them. He really is turned off by his son's lack of work ethic and says he needs to work hard for things before DH wants to help him.
Don't interfere
and let the skid and BM learn the lesson that is about to be put before them. The skid doesnt even have a driver's license, so your DH is trying to rescue someone who doesnt deserve to be rescued from a dilemma that doesnt actually exist yet.
Do nothing. Say nothing to BM or the skid. Wait until BM has done without cs for a few months, and you'll likely see her solving her problems on her own. Just make sure that your DH knows that skid is not allowed to move in with you.
That is firmly established.
That is firmly established. With my illness and health issues, he definitely knows I can not handle the stress of having his child live with us. He could move out and get an apartment with his child, but I don't think he will. The house was mine before we married, so it is our home, but first mine. He can't have him move in without my permission and wouldn't try. He is extremely protective of my health (a degenerative genetic condition that worsens with stress) so that is simply not an option.
The problem came about because BM demanded a car as soon as she found out CS was ending. This woman is slippery and manipulative. She doesn't solve problems, she finds a new mark to prey on. I believe ASS is the same.