OK I THINK IVE FINALLY CALMED DOWN!!!
My SO and I really dont argue or fight over anything but his six year old daughter whom I feel is the devil. We rarely have a problem with my eleven yr old boy.SO is a good man. Loves his child very much. Takes very good care of her. But this child is manipulating,and me and my boy get the glory of watching her in action. I have cleaned her room many times. Im a clean freak, and I understand that others are not,,,ok with me. She is capable of desroying a house. Her room is pretty much a garbage dump. She will not put anything away. So last night I made her begin cleaning and organizing her room with my supervision. In hopes that if she does the work herself this time that she will think twice before treating her room with such disrespect. We were making great progress. She cryed most of the time and moaned like she had a dying disease. I paid her no mind but did praise her alot and told her what a great job she was doing and told her how nice the room was starting to look. So we had one more erea to clean and organize her arts and crafts in some shelves. THen I was gona have her wash up to get ready for bed. She went to her Dad and said "can we go get kitty?" Its a hancerkeif with a kitty head on it. Supposedly she cant sleep without it but I have seen her sleep without it before several times.Her Dad was like "OK sweetheart" by the way its at her Moms house. I told SO you go get it and we will be done with this by the time you get back and Ill make sure she is ready for bed. She starting moaning and saying Pllllllllllllllllease Dad. What do you think he said? Yep He did. They left and I was livid!! So there was me and my son finishing what she should of been doing. I felt SO underminded me when I tryed to teach her somthing. So of course she will always feel all she has to do is go crying to Dad and he will Save The Day!!He felt sorry for her that I was making her clean up her own shit!!!!!! Well.......You Mother FUcker.....Do you feel sorry for me when Im cleaning up your daughters shit??? Or is that ok? Or do you feel sorry for me when I do the entire families laundry or clean the house with no help ever. Cook dinner for us everynight so we are not wasting money on eating out or eating garbage. Really do you feel sorry for me when I washing your nasty Hockey gear??? Oh but you had to see the compasion in his eyes and how bad he felt to watch is little evil princess clean as if she was just put through the most cruel manual labor he has ever seen. So when they come back she decides to throw a tantram for no reason other than she can. Crying and needing Daddy to lay in bed with her so she could act like his wife kissing and rubbing his neck. Meanwhile she is moaning cause you know she has a life threating disease and is in sooosoooossooo much pain! By the time he came out of her room and sat on the couch with me, I was LIVID!!!! He was a dick to me big time.I told him how dare he undermind somthing positive that I was trying to do for his kid. How the fuck is this kid ever gona learn??? Anyhow thats my beef. This morning he came to kiss me good-bye as he always does every morning even if Im sleeping. I gave him the cheek. He knows Im pissed. So Let me ask all of you this.......SHOULD I NOT CLEAN THE DISHES IN THE SINK, DO MY CHORES, LAUNDRY,COOK A HOMEMADE MEAL TODAY?????? Because Im in such distress over this. And do you guys think He will come and save me??? I really want to know what everyone thinks here. Comments Comments Comments please. Am I wrong am I being a big bitch? Tell me if Im overeacting.
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I'm a clean freak myself & it
I'm a clean freak myself & it wasn't easy, but here's what I did. I told my SO that if he didn't want to teach ss4 to clean up his room then SO was going to have to do it. I would shut the bedroom door (knowing the mess was on the other side made me crazy, but less crazy than if the door was open) & then I would ask SO every day if he'd straightened up the room. Long story short, ss4 picks up his own room now. I also stopped doing any laundry that wasn't my own, and dishes that I didn't use. It sucks, but it gets the point across.
Same thing here. When I
Same thing here. When I disengaged, GG (biodad I live with) started to play "maid and butler" to his spawn. I saw him picking up after them. After a while this gets exhausting, so it is then that you introduce the concept of him TEACHING his children to do it.
Then he'll hear his very own "angel" pissing and moaning, which he'll soon get tired of as well.
He obviously is of the school that YOU as SM have no say so over HIS daughter and that if he tries to introduce responsibility, he'll "lose her to the BM" (TM)
Fasten your seatbelts; it's going to be a bumpy ride. If he comes to his senses, then the pressure will ramp up from the BM and the PAS will take off!
I'm a clean freak, almost to
I'm a clean freak, almost to the point of ocd! BUT, lemme tell ya what I did to my exh!
He came home extremely late one night and my then toddler boys had made a mess of THEIR room. The rest of the house was spotless, as usual, his dinner was in the oven, he just laid into me about their room, "you're such a pig look at this nasty mess" (it was a toy box dumped on the floor) Fight was on! "I'm such a pig? I'll show you a pig!"
I did nothing for a week!! And I mean nothing, no cooking, cleaning, laundry, NOTHING!
By the end of the week he was begging me to PLEASE go back to the way I was before! Ha ha! He NEVER said another word about anything I did as far as housekeeping went!!! Worked like a charm
I had to play my DH the same
I had to play my DH the same way... not necessarily a "messy room" but FOOD is NOT ALLOWED in bedrooms in this house. So why oh why when I was vacuuming did I see remnants of chips, sprinkles from cookies, and food wrappers all over their room? And of course DH says, "Well, they get to have food in their rooms at BM's house."
WTFE.
NOT BM's house. Mine.
So I told DH he had to enforce NO FOOD IN THE BEDROOM. And they need to clean their room every weekend before they leave. If they don't then he does.
He was quick to tell them THEY had to clean their room, and I made sure he supervised them (he also knew if they did a half-assed job, he'd have to make up for it). He hates housework.
My solution to you: If SO wants to get his darling out of cleaning her room, then HE NEEDS TO DO IT. Trust me, he'll have her working on it in no time.
I actually think you gave in
I actually think you gave in a little to easily.... I would have not let either one of them leave the house until said task was completed.
I was raised to finish what you start. Do not do a job half-assed, because you will waist more time doing it again.
I have been known to throw a tantrum right back at my step kids. They are told to clean their room, they start fussing around, I have gone in there and while they are in the room, and start chucking things over my head, out the door, making it a total mess, then looking them right in the eye and telling them to NOW CLEAN THE ROOM!!! I have done that only because my only step daughter thinks she is above the dirty jobs... And I totally destroy what they had done and made it worse, then tend to see that dramatics only make things worse for them.
I have had numerous arguments with my husband about not being his maid... And I told him that if he does not get off his ass and do something, then he better shut up and stand behind me 100% when his children are instructed to do something. And to prove that point, I went on strike for 2 weeks.... No laundry, not dinners, not scrubbing dishes, dusting etc... He got the picture rather harshly when he could not even walk into the house with out a stench hitting him in the face from his nasty clothing....
I have tried and tried numerous things to make my house the way I want it, It has finally come down to (My husbands words) "Her way or no way, I will pick up after myself, but she has her way of doing her own thing...."
I agree with you about forcing a child to clean up after themselves. no matter what the age. It is important to learn discipline and respect for you and herself. She needs to be taught and if her mamma ain't willing then you need to put a boot in her daddy's ass and make him stand behind you in a situation like this....
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your comments. It makes me feel better to know that Im not crazy and overeacting. This little girl has turned my life upside down. She makes my life a living hell at times. Raising my son has been such a joy. He does not have a vindictive bone in his body like SD does. Her Mother told me that the kid makes huge messes at her house too. And the kid has a bad attitude and throws tantrums there also. The mother is very lazy and not a very good housekeeper. So if the messes her daughter makes drive her insaine...then it must be pretty bad. I also was raised in a household where we did lots of chores. Our rooms had to be clean. My father did not make alot of money, he worked at a baking factory. It felt like it was 130 degrees in there in the Summer. He always provided us with a nice house to live in. We were completely aware of how hard my father worked to give up the things we had. My Mother made sure we respected our home and our things. I have tryed to pass this onto my boy. He is good about taking care of his room. SD also acts like she is above cleaning. She is spoiled rotten with materials and attention.How do you teach a kid like that??