Yes, I have heard a few different things throughout my days of being with a man with a kid. But I stick to my guns and if other people don't like it then oh well! I live for me, bs, dh and what makes me/us happy etc. and same for my bio and dh. No one else's opinion or comments really matter at the end of the day, as long as you and your SO/kids are happy together and with how your blended family situation is working out then that is all that matters. What works for one family won't and doesn't necessarily work for another blended family. But what dh and I have going works for us.

If you and your dh/gal pals can talk and be open and honest with eachother, I wouldn't even bother talking to your mother about the sm/blended family stuff anymore.

Yes. My mom feels sorry for the skids and can't understand why I can't just love them like my own. That I am wrong to feel resentment when its all my own fault for not being able to just love them. That if I can't figure out how to love them like my own, I am doing a misjustice to DH and his kids and I should move on.

Oh yes. I have to keep my mouth shut around my mother.

Yet, my mom comes to visit for long periods of time, within 48 hours I find she raises her voice to SS and complains how bossy and loud and pushy SD is. She is disgusted that DH doesn't do anything to correct them. But, it was my choice to marry a man with children therefore its my cross to bear and I must love them and accept them, the poor little souls, its not their fault their parents suck, and I shouldn't judge them for that or make them accountable for any of their actions, its just not their fault.

Yes My mom is like this...and it is one of the reasons I had to leave my home asides from being with SO, leaving that environment was a relief(she was hypercritical)..I tend to give advice to situations I have experience with, using the old proverbial "dont judge untill you've walked in someone elses shoes." My mom has never been a Single Mom nor a Step Mom, so she'll never understand the frustrations that can come with it.
But don't worry, hopefully you'll be able to filter out what to say to her and what not too. Her criticisms used to really destroy the fuck out of my self esteem!

Good Luck!

No one in my family really gets it either. My mom is a stepmom, but didn't become one until recently. Her skids are in their late 30s-early 40s and long gone. She never had to deal with minor skids. My own SM only had us EOWE, and we didn't have a crazy BM so her experience was totally different than mine. DH's parents have been married for almost 40 years, so no step situation there.

They don't live with these kids day in and day out. They don't deal with all the BS, the dirty looks, the attitude, the lack of common sense and brain power we deal with every freakin' day. They don't deal with a Borderline BM. So when I'm told that I need to be more understanding, take the high road, blah blah blah, it goes in one ear and out the other. They don't get it. Really.

My mother gets even more annoyed than I do with my stepdaughter, therefore I have to watch what I say w hen I'm ranting to her, otherwise she might let something slip when she comes around. My SD isn't evil, just a pain in the a**, all the time, every single day. But it's so true, they don't have a clue about each and every single thing they do to deliberately annoy you every single second of the day. "sigh"