With two really little ones, it is no wonder you are feeling the way you do. You're basically trying to take care of two babies, which is hard enough when there are two parents giving it 100% each. It's got to be really trying for you during those times when your husband has his other kids. Imagine the juggling act, though, he faces trying to be a father to four children with three different women. Yikes! Brave man!

I think what you are feeling is pretty natural. I've said before that marrying the man doesn't automatically make you love his children. It is something that takes a lot of time and, frankly, sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. No one can force herself to love someone she just doesn't or can't love. Being a new mother also brings out the maternal instinct BIG TIME and it's perfectly okay for you to want your husband with your children. But you can adapt yourself to this situation in time and make the best of it for all concerned, if it is what you want.

I can totally relate to what you are saying, because I feel like our situation and constant battles with the ex have changed who I am, not for the better. I found myself struggling to be a good mother to my children, whom I love with all my heart, just because dealing with the daily BS from the ex was dragging me down. I understand your situation is a little different, but if you love your husband and he loves you, then with a little time and effort, you can overcome this and be the person you know you are.

Being only three months post-partum, there could be other issues at work here, such as your own hormones, that are still running crazy from the pregnancy and birth. Plus, you have a fifteen month-old to boot... that's a lot on your plate. Then there's the old statistic that most marriages end within the first two years. Maybe that's because we expect it to be easy and, when it isn't, we just give up.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, only you can decide that. But my advice would be to give it some more time. Take some time to let your body recover from two recent pregnancies, time for your babies to become a little less draining on you, time for you and your husband to get aclimated to the new family you've created, time to adapt to the new situation. Come here to vent, which helps so much. Try to do little things FOR YOU to make you feel better... soaking in long, hot baths, taking a walk alone, putting hubby on baby duty for an hour or so while you go someplace quiet to read or nap.

I know it is hard sharing, but think of it this way... do you love your new baby more than your toddler? Don't you, as a mother, have infinite love to share among your two children? Well, dads have that infinite capacity for love, too. You and your children have him with you almost always. His other two children do not. If you need him to help with the babies, then ask if he can have the visitation at home and not go on any outings until the babies are a little older. Could it be that his visitation takes him away from your family unit, rather than bringing your stepchildren into the family unit? If he brings his boys to your house and all of you do things together as a family, maybe that would help.

If you give it some time, you may find this situation getting better all on its own. Now may not be the best time to make a decision to leave. This is the hardest time in any marriage, whether there are steps involved or not, because the marriage is new and you've got little ones.

Good luck and keep us posted!

~ Anne ~